Chronicle Number 37: Boyfriend Speaks! The World Gasps in Horror!

Greetings and salutations, all ye followers of Lindsaytopia!

This chronicle is brought to you by none other than the mysterious, vaguely spoken of Boyfriend. At the request of Lindsay, I’m filling in for her this week and talking to you about a week in the life of her significant other, although her commentary may be interspersed throughout.

LINDSAY: He thinks I’m a busybody. Geez. No faith. *pauses* Wait… Ah, what the heck. My comments will be in between slashes.

While my darling has been busy with Biochemistry and the other horrors of South Campus here at UGA (things that I, as a Political Science and International Affairs major, know little to nothing of), I have been dealing with the tribulations and, for lack of a better word, trials /Oh haha. He’s so punny./ of being a Mock Trial captain. For the uninitiated, Mock Trial is a competitive simulation of an actual court case, with attorneys, witnesses, evidence, objections, etc. It’s like Law and Order, except without all of the Hollywood “poetic licenses” on little things, like “relevance” and “constitutional rights.” /I, personally, find those things silly./ Our case this year was a civil product liability trial – a company had made this toy (the innocent-sounding “Princess Beads”) that contained a chemical that turned into a date-rape drug when ingested. If you remember the hoopla over “Aqua Dots” a few years back, you know the basic idea here. When a 2 year old swallows several of the beads, he goes into respiratory arrest and dies, leading to the parent suing the toy company. I’ve been doing Mock Trial for about six years now, and this has probably been the most complicated case I’ve ever worked with. I even had to consult Lindsay /I’ve told him to refer to me as “divine goddess,” but does he listen? No./ on a few issues about toxicology and biochemistry (which were a huge part of the case). I was on the defense earlier in the year, representing the toy company, and it was… challenging, to say the least. That side really sucked a lot of the emotion out of the case- necessary but annoying. The other side has the whole “dead child” narrative going for them, which forces the defense to try and suppress a lot of the emotion. That’s really not my style, so I was really excited to be switched over to plaintiff for this semester. Alex righteous indignation returns in glory!!

I was also lucky enough to get to be captain of a C-team, a great experience, considering that only I and my co-captain had done College Mock Trial before, and the entire team was freshmen and sophomores. I could not have been happier with my team. They were dedicated, focused, and amazingly talented. UGA’s program will remain a terror for many years at this rate.

Our actual record at the regional in Kennesaw, GA last weekend might not be the best indicator of that, however. We finished 3-4-1 (3 wins/4 losses/ 1 tie) out of eight ballots (the score sheet for each of two judges in four rounds) – not too impressive. In our defense, we did face UNC-Chapel Hill’s A-team (finished 6^th overall), Emory’s A-team (finished 2^nd overall), and Duke’s B-team (finished 3^rd overall, and probably one of the best teams I have ever seen). Our other round was kind of a joke, as we won by 45 and 23 points. My team joked about making a YouTube remix of some of the more choice quotes and more outrageous/less logical points. I tend to doubt the competency of a team that actually attempts to be hostile with the grieving mother of the dead child. That round actually ceased to be fun, the beatdown was so bad. /Please. Beat downs are always fun./

Beyond that, my life for the past week has been a slog through preparing for 3 midterms (which ended up all on one day! Oh joy…) and the first half of another one. They actually went pretty well. My International Relations one may have been a bit iffy, but I’m pretty sure I can pick up any slack with the essay part next week. I’m taking another class with my IR professor next semester, which may or may not be good for my GPA, but I don’t really care because it’s his specialty – IR decision making. He actually takes a neuroscience bent on it, looking at decision making from a psychological perspective, which is kind of what I wanted to do coming into college. Excited? You better believe it. /Excited!Alex is super adorbs, btw./

I also made my first full foray into the Demosthenian Literary Society this week. For, well FOREVER, Jack and Susana (both Demosthenians) have been telling me I need to get involved there, but I just haven’t had the time between Mock Trial and Model United Nations. The conversation goes something like this:

ALEX: *RAWR* ARC OF HISTORY TENDS TOWARDS JUSTICE *RAWR* INEXORABLE MARCH OF HUMAN FREEDOM!!!!!!

JACK: Why aren’t you in Demosthenian yet?

ALEX: blah blah blah too much in my schedule blah blah blah

JACK: Search your feelings. You know it to be true. You’re one of us. *descends into chanting ONE OF US! ONE OF US!*

/Oh Lord, no. I like my Alex the way he is. Demosthenians are cray cray. *gets dagger glares from Susie* But also wonderful! Yay Demosthenian!/

So, since they were debating the dissolution of the Student Government Association (and calling out SGA people to speak), I had to go and watch. I actually got up and spoke! /Alex? Giving a speech? That never happens. Except every time he’s allowed./ I thought I was received pretty well, and a few people asked me questions during the speech (including several from Susana – probably just because she could use the opportunity to badger me. I’m onto you, Susana…). /Boyfriend and my roommate are besties. Death besties./ I actually might try and join the Society. It might be a good way to get me out of the rhetoric withdrawals I go through without Mock Trial. Any advice for my petitioning address is welcomed – I’m currently between arguing the value of the unexplainable or better communication through chanting. /Better communication through chanting! You can be a cheerleader!/

There’s my piece. All hail Lindsay the Wonderful!

Alex, aka Boyfriend