Chronicle Number 30: CSI Lindsaytopia; Evidence of My Crazy

I'm late. I realize this. I almost didn't try and update, but I figured that Jordan might become a tiny tornado of anger if I skipped a whole week again. And if she's a tiny tornado of anger, then things just suck. People being angry makes things difficult for me, and as I really hate difficult things, I try and avoid it.

Besides, you probably didn't want to hear about last week. After the test on Tuesday, I spent oodles of my time writing an essay analyzing death statistics. It was awful, and it took me hours and hours. Thankfully, Boyfriend and I are at the point in our relationship where I am slowly feeling more comfortable breaking the cardinal rule of new relationships, "Never Give Evidence of Your Crazy."

LINDSAY: *calls Boyfriend* You have to come over here.
BOYFRIEND: Why?
LINDSAY: I need you.
BOYFRIEND: Of course I will come, but out of curiosity- why do you need me?
LINDSAY: So many things. But mainly right now to sit on my bed as I shriek and rip at my hair- I mean- work on my essay.

So he came over and sat, it was probably very boring for him. I really did need him! I needed him to sit and make stern faces at me when I attempted to distract him with my newest discovery- VeryMaryKate.com. You may think that I could use many of my friends for this, but the truth is that I am too wily for them. If my girlfriends try to make stern faces at me, I just distract them with gossip about Boyfriend. He is quite the Hot Topic.

I finished my essay, then proceeded to get not enough sleep. Again. Don't deride me, I know. 6 1/2 hours is like a coma to most college students, but not to me. I need my 8 hours, or else I am even more crazy, and I start berating Corinne about dying of malnutrition. Trust me, it is no fun for anyone.

Thursday night, (after turning in the dreaded essay) we went to the midnight premier of Harry Potter. This would have been perfectly fine, except I was already grumpy from lack of sleep, and I made the mistake of telling the professor I'm going to research with that I would meet him at 10 in the morning.

Harry Potter was actually very well done, and I recommend it to anyone who has doubts.

Friday morning I got through the meeting okay. Thankfully, I was actually coherent through the whole thing. My worries were all assuaged. For instance, I was really worried about the summary I have to provide for the biochemistry department.

DR. AWESOME: Do you want me to write a summary of what you're doing and send it to your adviser?

I was also nervous about whether I would be assigned to a project right off the bat.

DR. AWESOME: You won't be assigned a to a project immediately.

And that I would be bad at things.

DR. AWESOME: Everyone's bad at some things. We'll design a project for you based on your strengths.

So I was pretty ecstatic. Then I was pretty exhausted, so I sneaked into Myers and napped on Boyfriend's bed.

I headed back home on Saturday... Not much really went on, except for multiple episodes of candy making, with variable levels of success. I actually thought that was what this whole entry would be about, but I don't think it was that funny if you couldn't see it. Dialogue mostly consisted of

LINDSAY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

and

QUEEN MOTHER: Is it supposed to do that?

and

LINDSAY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

You get the point. Children, it is harder than it may seem to make candy.

Now I'm in Atlanta, at Thanksgiving with my dad's family. It's only me, Dad, and my aunt and uncle. It's small, but it's been fun. We all ate a ridiculous amount of Turkey, and my aunt's squash casserole is a gift from God.

I wish you all a happy Turkey Day, and remember to be thankful-

For Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 29: Susana, Hispanic Goddess

Another week has passed by, and I am with you again. I no longer have Collegium, (Sunday was our last concert) so I am brought to you from the comfort of my own apartment common room. We'll see if this is more or less helpful to my creative process.

What is my creative process, you ask?

Well, I pretty much make a list of stuff that happened to me lately, and then I write about it. Sometimes, if it isn't interesting enough, I write scenarios as I wish they had happened. Kind of like this:

How Things Really Went Down:

Ernesto the feral cat walks by my bench.
LINDSAY: *types away in blog*
ERNESTO: *disdainfully ignores Lindsay*

How I Believe In My Heart Things Went Down

Ernesto the feral cat walks by my bench.
LINDSAY: Here, kitty kitty kitty!
ERNESTO: YOWL!
LINDSAY: Ernesto attacked me! He wants my blood! I can see it in his feral kitty face!

Truly, I know not to approach feral cats. They are wild animals, and I know not what they will do.

Why do I keep talking about this? Le sigh.

Last week was pretty low key. After Monday I felt a lot better, but I was still tired all the time, and all I wanted to do was nap and drink sprite. I also did a lot of cross-stitching.

Yes, you read that right. I'm like 80 years old on the inside.

Friday night was especially sad. Boyfriend left on Thursday for a mock trial competition, at which he dominated.

LINDSAY: Boyfriend, Boyfriend! He's our guy! Close that case and make girls cry! Gooooooooo Boyfriend!

He really did make a girl cry once in mock trial. But that was not really his fault.

Anywhoozle, Friday, I was all, "wah wah, Boyfriend is gone." Then-

LINDSAY: Oh no.
SUSANA, HISPANIC GODDESS: What?
LINDSAY: I am one of those girls. I have nothing to do without Boyfriend!

But Susana, Hispanic Goddess, reminded me that it is okay to miss Boyfriend on the weekends, because I don't see him during the week. Also, I am awesome. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

Saturday was pretty crazy. Susana, Hispanic Goddess, invited me to a dinner and show organized by the Hispanic Student Association. It was really amazing. The food was great (I'm going to bother Susie until she makes me some of those patacones) and the acts they got were great. I saw Colombian dance! Also, a mariachi band! I now demand that Boyfriend learn how to play a giant guitar. I'll find a way to make it happen.

BOYFRIEND: Lindsay, where did my guitar disappear to?
LINDSAY: I utterly and completely have no idea! Here, play this giant one while I go look for it!

Afterward, there was an after party at one of the clubs downtown. Susana, Hispanic Goddess, had friends that were going, so we decided to go as well. First we popped by a Demosthenian (Susie's debate society) party. It was good to meet some of the people Susana, Hispanic Goddess, talks about.

So yes, Saturday was my first club experience! Yes, I live in Athens. No, I had never actually been to a club before. I just never found it worth the trouble, and apparently a lot of the good ones you have to be 21 (I think) and I don't have a fake ID. Nor do I desire one.

But this club was fun. Susana, I'm tired of typing this title, tried to teach me to Hispanic dance, which was an epic fail. I don't know why anyone expects that teaching me to dance would not be an epic fail.

For future reference, asking me to: dance, roller skate, ice skate, ski, surf, skateboard, water-ski, bowl, trapeze, walk a tight-rope, do anything requiring me to throw any object, do anything requiring me to kick any object, do anything requiring me to catch any object, bicycle or pretty much anything that requires some semblance of balance or coordination- these are all probably going to be epic fails.

But still, my awesomeness still conquers all. If nothing else, I'm pretty sure that my epic fails will be hilarious. Even if I end up breaking my tailbone.

With that, I leave you-

Waiting for Lindsaytopia

Chronicle Number 28: Oh, Dear Ernesto!

As you well know, I did not update my blog last Tuesday. The world shuddered on its axis for a moment, but then stabilized and moved on. I have been instructed by the Fabulous Fashion Goddess (Jordan) that this one must be awesome. It is a requirement for our continued friendship.

How can I take this pressure? Do you know what this is like? Can you understand?!

No. You can't. Because you don't know what it is like. You can't possibly comprehend the weight of tens of people's adoration. I have so much to prove!

At times, the burden is too much. I just can't take it. I must crawl into a hole behind LeConte and curl up with my dear feral cat friend, who expects nothing and gives me nothing.

LINDSAY: Oh, dear Ernesto! (for this is what I have named Feral Cat)
ERNESTO: Meow. (Translation: I hate you.)
LINDSAY: Only you want nothing from me!
ERNESTO: Meow meow. (Translation: You look like you are going to steal my tuna. Back away slowly.)
LINDSAY: I can tell by your sweet voice that you want me to come closer.
ERNESTO: Rowl! (Translation: I'm going to eat your face!)

Ernesto will come around someday.*

Where shall I start?

Last week and the week before were spent studying like crazy. First for my history test, and then for my genetics test.

Also, interminable time was spend in my biochemistry class. That, my friends, is because of the Lecture That Would Not End.

The Lecture That Would Not End was a terrible thing. I now have the most boring professor in my scholastic history, possibly the scholastic history of the world. Every Tuesday and Thursday, time seems to slow down to a crawl and he talks until I want to die.

On a specific day, he came to the end of one set of slides. We were ahead on the syllabus, and poor pitiful Garrett thought that maybe we would get out early.

Garrett was wrong.

The Professor began a new set of slides! He then proceeded to make simple concepts the most confusing known to man.

He only finished that lecture this morning.

And then... New slides!

I have to stop, because I'm getting bored just thinking about it. This disease of boring is probably catching. I got it from him, and now I'm communicating it across the internet straight into your hearts! THE HORROR.

Thursday night, after the genetics test, Boyfriend took me to an aerial dance show! It was really awesome. It was Date Night for the Foundation Fellows and Ramsey Scholars. Yes, you read that right. Date Night.

Apparently every year, this show lets them come in for the dress rehearsal. They are then encouraged to bring their significant other.

Obviously this is a scheme. They think I don't see through them, but I do. The Honors Program wants the smart people to date so they will be properly socialized, then eventually marry someone, and then have genius babies who are loyal to UGA!

This is an attempt to create a genius army to foil my world takeover. It is as plain as the nose on my face.

I shared my revelation with Boyfriend. He was not as supportive as I would have liked.

LINDSAY: ...Don't you see it?!
BOYFRIEND: You're crazy.
LINDSAY: You wound me.

Speaking of Boyfriend, Saturday his parents came down for the game and we had a tailgate. It was fun. They got to meet our crazy friends, who were all remarkably sane for the occasion.

The game was fine. We won. It was a little bit boring, though. After a certain point, we had our third string in, so the a lot fans were leaving.

After the game we went back and saw Boyfriend's parents some more. His mom gave me a lot of food, which was awesome. She can obviously tell that the way into my heart is through food.

About mid-afternoon, I started to feel a little bit cruddy. At first I thought it was about allergies, because I wasn't around anyone sick.

Saturday night I didn't really sleep. Sunday, Collegium headed to Augusta for our joint-concert with DFA. I really thought about calling Dr. Andaya and telling her I felt awful, but I couldn't.

We got to Augusta and practiced for a long time. My voice was almost completely gone, and I felt like I had a fever. During the actual concert, I felt like I was shaking and freezing, and I couldn't really concentrate.

I got through it, though. Yesterday I stayed home from class and rested, and today I feel much better. This week is pretty light, so I have some time to relax.

And that brings us to today! I'll try to have some crazy times this week to entertain you all. I hope this was epic enough for Fabulous Fashion Goddess. If not, I'm sorry. But remember-

Lindsaytopia is near!**

*None of this actually happened. Except in my heart.

**Disclaimer: This angel cat is not Ernesto The Cat. Ernesto is feral and terrifying, and not to be approached.