I'm pretty sure I would be empress already if I hailed from sea kitten high school...
Now, I bet you're wondering what that even means. Well, that lovely organization we call PETA, (if only that stood for "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals." Then I'd so be in on that.) has decided that if perhaps we call fish "sea kittens" then people will... be nicer to them? You can even make your own sea kitten on their website. I can already tell how excited you must be. But anywho, this has led them to request Spearfish High School change their name to "Sea Kitten High School."
You can probably imagine what raptures of laughter I went into when I read about this.
LINDSAY: Sea kittens??? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
This of course led to conversations like:
OLD GENETICS TEACHER: And then they would shake the flies up in vials of radioactive dust and trace where they flew, to see....
LINDSAY: Erin, why doesn't PETA get all angry about the flies? Flies are people too!
ERIN: I don't know! Perhaps if we renamed flies "Winged Kittens," everything would change.
Perhaps my view is a bit skewed, seeing as one of my great goals in life is to hold a barbeque across from a PETA demonstration, hold up signs that said "MEAT IS MURDER- tasty tasty murder!" and laugh. I think I'd have to have fans to waft the smell of roasting pig over the horde of PETA members.
And me being the oh-so-sensitive person that I am, my second reaction is pretty much:
LINDSAY: Fry me up some sea kitten, yo!
What else has happened this week?
Well, my crazy TA broke his foot. This guy is sort of nuts, but I like him. We are now stuck in a tiny classroom without enough seats, but I'm never the very last person there, so I'm okay. Today for the second time, the TA was taking roll, and he looked up when he came to my name and was like
CRAZY TA: Oh. I know what you look like.
LINDSAY: ...I talk too much, don't I?
THE CORINNE IN MY HEAD: I'm pretty sure you should have realized this a long time ago.
I'm in a class with Erin, which is fun, because that means that I have someone to eat breakfast with and walk to class with on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Erin also provides lots of entertainment.
OLD GENETICS TEACHER: Can anybody tell me what type of plants exhibit this type of behavior?
ERIN: FERNS!
OGT:...
ERIN: Wait... Those aren't plants.
OGT:...
LINDSAY: Yes. Yes, Erin. They are plants.
It has been very very cold this last week, which Lindsay will not tolerate. I'm telling you, this needs to stop.
LINDSAY: Global warming, my bum.
It has also been freezing in my chemistry classroom. I'm pretty sure that they've had the AC on. This adds to my theory that the chemistry department secretly wants to kill us all. They're planning it, I'm telling you. Don't believe any crap they give you about me being taken out by rabid squirrels. It's a lie.
LINDSAY: Must... Pay... Attention...
OLD CHEMISTRY TEACHER: Wah wah wah wah wah...
LINDSAY: So... Cold...
OCT: Wah wah waaaaaah wah wah.
LINDSAY: Must... Pay... Oh, screw it. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I'm joking, I'm joking! I pay attention. But it is a trial. Woe is me.
That seems to be pretty much it. I went to a tournament in Atlanta on Saturday, which led to me starving a bit. When I got back, I pretty much blew into Corinne's room and was like, "FOOD. NOW. ORDER."
But it was fun, and I got to answer a question on John Irving, which made me super excited.
That's all from the college front. I'm going to try to update this more often, I know that makes you cry with joy.
And please, never forget...
We will attain Lindsaytopia!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Chronicle Number 13: All Hail Lindsay, Hot Goddess of the World
The last of my entries was titled "Incommunicado" and that was definitely true. This last month (and a half) I have been extraordinarily uncommunicative. Really, I'm not going to say that's a bad thing, because I was home for much of that time, and I had pretty much decided that I wasn't going to update while I was in Augusta.
But anywho, I guess I shall just ramble on about my life (we will get to the title of this, eventually). I'm not in a terribly comic mood, so perhaps this will be a little boring... But hey, read on if you wish.
The last two weeks of the semester remain a sort of blur to me, as I don't think I was completely sane for much of the time. Then again, when am I ever? There was a lot of
LINDSAY: I will NEVER learn this, I am GOING TO FAIL out of college and DIE IN A GUTTER SOMEWHERE.
MEGAN: Um, you're scaring me, just a little. So I'm going to go.
LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk*
I also spent a great deal of time wandering about muttering about Russian tsars, electronic geometry, and logarithmic curves... Other times, I really don't know... I think I blocked it out. There was a moment after the math exam that apparently everyone in the classroom could hear me sobbing and... *shifty eyes* ...cursing... Please don't worry, honestly. I've never reacted that violently to an exam before, and I don't think I ever will again, but that was possibly the most hellish experience of my life. Corinne and I have come up with a metaphor for this entire situation.
You see, high school was like dancing. Through a meadow. With Patrick Dempsey (who, if you don't know, is a delicious hunkahunka burning man). Then we came to college, and suddenly the meadow turns into MORDOR and Patrick turns into SAURON and you're like "OMG, PATRICK! When did you turn into a GIANT FLAMING EYE???!!!!"
Then there came home time, and recovery, and general awesomeness. With that (and my grades, which were not as stellar as I would wish but still good) I realize that these were my first exams, and while hellish, now I know what I am dealing with and can freak out less next time.
Then I came back to Athens, which is both great and terrible. Great, because I missed Athens and having stuff to do, but also terrible because I'd finally gotten used to being with the family again and having nothing to do.
"But Lindsay," You ask, "Why have you not written to us? We miss you! How could you leave us this way?"
Well, my answer, though not particularly interesting, is just that nothing has really happened. I have been extraordinarily boring. (I know, I know, "Lindsay, nothing you do or say could ever bore us!") I've been mostly devoid of GAK! moments that provided hilarity last semester, and without those, the start of a new semester is mostly "Hi, let's talk about the syllabus." Other then that, much of my time was taken up by watching movies and catching up with friends, and obsessing about a certain mule-headed boy that I'm not really going to talk about here, because if he were ever to find this and read it I would have to commit ritual paper cut suicide, and we know where that leads.
ADORING MASSES: *sob in the streets, create monuments, some die of grief*
LINDSAY: *is dead.*
But yesterday we hosted a quizbowl tournament, which you are probably tired of hearing about, but it pretty much guarantees peals of laughter for me, and therefore is something I talk about.
But you see, this is where the title of this chronicle comes in! I was scorekeeping for Tim (mainly because I knew that he wouldn't make me read, and that made me simply giddy from happiness) and there was a team that was there for the first three rounds. They were all guys, and were very funny, which as all know is a direct ticket to my heart... And there was the fact that they treated me with the flirtatious adoration that is my due. Later I ended up as their scorekeeper again, (purely coincidence) and then decided I wanted to see if they would win. Now, perhaps they were flirting because I was, ahem, a female, and they are on quizbowl, and thus sort of unacquainted with this category of human, but they were sweet and funny, (and soooo much more attractive then most quizbowl males) and I needed an ego boost, what with being ignored by certain mule-headed males that better recognize. ("Recognize" is to be said as in ebonics.)
This of course (of course, what do you expect from me and my friends) lead to the decision that I should have a cult in my honor, and in the word of my dear intrepid teenage sidekick, Erin, I "finally have some people who recognize me as the hot goddess of their world."
I love Erin so much for that.
Other hijinks ensued, such as Chiego yelling at Okon for not working, and then promptly checking the quizbowl wiki right after Okon left (Oh, Chiego...) But all went very smoothly and Jordan spent the night at my dorm, which was just made of coolness. Oh, boys... I wonder if you know what kinds of conversations we have about you when you are not around...
At some point yesterday I realized that my crush sort of curled up and died, like a dog in the street, which makes me glad. Mule-head purchased an express ticket to the friend zone... He might be able to redeem himself, but I kind of doubt it. It's all good, I have the cult and the dancing boys to replace him.
I will try to keep up with this better, I swear. Even if I have to bore you with the details of my nonexistent love-life. Perhaps it is all for the best, seeing as any boyfriend I get better be ready. This crazy is real, baby.
It's all real. ;)
But anywho, I guess I shall just ramble on about my life (we will get to the title of this, eventually). I'm not in a terribly comic mood, so perhaps this will be a little boring... But hey, read on if you wish.
The last two weeks of the semester remain a sort of blur to me, as I don't think I was completely sane for much of the time. Then again, when am I ever? There was a lot of
LINDSAY: I will NEVER learn this, I am GOING TO FAIL out of college and DIE IN A GUTTER SOMEWHERE.
MEGAN: Um, you're scaring me, just a little. So I'm going to go.
LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk*
I also spent a great deal of time wandering about muttering about Russian tsars, electronic geometry, and logarithmic curves... Other times, I really don't know... I think I blocked it out. There was a moment after the math exam that apparently everyone in the classroom could hear me sobbing and... *shifty eyes* ...cursing... Please don't worry, honestly. I've never reacted that violently to an exam before, and I don't think I ever will again, but that was possibly the most hellish experience of my life. Corinne and I have come up with a metaphor for this entire situation.
You see, high school was like dancing. Through a meadow. With Patrick Dempsey (who, if you don't know, is a delicious hunkahunka burning man). Then we came to college, and suddenly the meadow turns into MORDOR and Patrick turns into SAURON and you're like "OMG, PATRICK! When did you turn into a GIANT FLAMING EYE???!!!!"
Then there came home time, and recovery, and general awesomeness. With that (and my grades, which were not as stellar as I would wish but still good) I realize that these were my first exams, and while hellish, now I know what I am dealing with and can freak out less next time.
Then I came back to Athens, which is both great and terrible. Great, because I missed Athens and having stuff to do, but also terrible because I'd finally gotten used to being with the family again and having nothing to do.
"But Lindsay," You ask, "Why have you not written to us? We miss you! How could you leave us this way?"
Well, my answer, though not particularly interesting, is just that nothing has really happened. I have been extraordinarily boring. (I know, I know, "Lindsay, nothing you do or say could ever bore us!") I've been mostly devoid of GAK! moments that provided hilarity last semester, and without those, the start of a new semester is mostly "Hi, let's talk about the syllabus." Other then that, much of my time was taken up by watching movies and catching up with friends, and obsessing about a certain mule-headed boy that I'm not really going to talk about here, because if he were ever to find this and read it I would have to commit ritual paper cut suicide, and we know where that leads.
ADORING MASSES: *sob in the streets, create monuments, some die of grief*
LINDSAY: *is dead.*
But yesterday we hosted a quizbowl tournament, which you are probably tired of hearing about, but it pretty much guarantees peals of laughter for me, and therefore is something I talk about.
But you see, this is where the title of this chronicle comes in! I was scorekeeping for Tim (mainly because I knew that he wouldn't make me read, and that made me simply giddy from happiness) and there was a team that was there for the first three rounds. They were all guys, and were very funny, which as all know is a direct ticket to my heart... And there was the fact that they treated me with the flirtatious adoration that is my due. Later I ended up as their scorekeeper again, (purely coincidence) and then decided I wanted to see if they would win. Now, perhaps they were flirting because I was, ahem, a female, and they are on quizbowl, and thus sort of unacquainted with this category of human, but they were sweet and funny, (and soooo much more attractive then most quizbowl males) and I needed an ego boost, what with being ignored by certain mule-headed males that better recognize. ("Recognize" is to be said as in ebonics.)
This of course (of course, what do you expect from me and my friends) lead to the decision that I should have a cult in my honor, and in the word of my dear intrepid teenage sidekick, Erin, I "finally have some people who recognize me as the hot goddess of their world."
I love Erin so much for that.
Other hijinks ensued, such as Chiego yelling at Okon for not working, and then promptly checking the quizbowl wiki right after Okon left (Oh, Chiego...) But all went very smoothly and Jordan spent the night at my dorm, which was just made of coolness. Oh, boys... I wonder if you know what kinds of conversations we have about you when you are not around...
At some point yesterday I realized that my crush sort of curled up and died, like a dog in the street, which makes me glad. Mule-head purchased an express ticket to the friend zone... He might be able to redeem himself, but I kind of doubt it. It's all good, I have the cult and the dancing boys to replace him.
I will try to keep up with this better, I swear. Even if I have to bore you with the details of my nonexistent love-life. Perhaps it is all for the best, seeing as any boyfriend I get better be ready. This crazy is real, baby.
It's all real. ;)
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