But I shall continue, dear subjects of Lindsaytopia, for you.
Feeling a bit strange, seeing as there is nothing really for me to write about. I mean, I'm in one of the lulls from horror and pain, and horror and pain are always the best subjects to write about.
I do have slight signs of horror to come, as the calculus test is in two weeks.
LINDSAY: Calculus test? What calculus test? Tests are a fallacy.
CORINNE: No, actually they really do-
LINDSAY: Shhhhhh! *glares* If we don't think about it, it doesn't exist!
Just kidding, Mom! Heh heh heh.... *shifty eyes*
I have decided to go to the quiz bowl tournament in Florida. Therefore, Corinne and Erin are attempting to teach me how sane people act.
LINDSAY: The last cookie?! MWAHAHAHAHA!
CORINNE: Lindsay? Laughing maniacally is not something sane people do.
LINDSAY: Dually noted. I shall fool them, fool them all! BWHAHAHAHA!
CORINNE: ...no.
STANDING IN THE STIRFRY LINE:
LINDSAY: Where in the world is Willis?
CORINNE: There is no one to give us extra steak. Sadness.
LINDSAY: Mother... I'm hungry. And my nose is froze.
CORINNE: And my ears is froze.
LINDSAY: *as Corinne is distracted, attacks*
CORINNE: Lindsay, sane people do not attempt to eat other people.
LINDSAY, MOUTH FULL OF SLEEVE: ...no?
Megan has been notoriously absent from my life, seeing as she had a huge test this morning, millions of extra curriculars, and of course... Graham.
But that's okay, she always comes back.
When she was here last night, she was studying for her huge animal science test with a friend.
This leads to episodes like this: (I couldn't make this up.)
MEGAN: Why must you be careful with a gerbil's tail?
LINDSAY: I think I could have gone my whole life without hearing that question.
FRIEND: Because it might fall off!
LINDSAY: ...
And this:
MEGAN: What is another name for a fizzy mouse?
LINDSAY: ...Carbonated rodent?
I haven't seen her since she left this morning, so I don't know how she did, but it's Megan. I'm sure she aced it.
There it is, a small bit of Lindsay insanity for you! And don't worry, we will still attain Lindsaytopia!
And gosh, Bri Bri, of course you can have a country. What do you take me for?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Chronicle Number Eight: I Plan to Live in Sunny California with Dancing Boys
When I conquer the world, I shall live in sunny California with Corinne and our dancing boys. I will be a fair and just ruler, no need to fear. There will be no time for pesky wars, because time will be dedicated to desserts, some smatterings of work, and paying attention to Me.
Of course, no desserts for the dancing boys, sorry, you must remain fit.
We will be benevolent, bestowing our riches on those who need it and those who please us. Willis and Coffee Lady will get a large chunk. Willis makes us our stirfry and remembers our names, and Coffee Lady remembers our names and makes us coffee! She also gives us extra whipped cream. For this, they will each get one million dollars!
Those that displease us? Well, to Greenland with ye! You may have the snow and ice.
I think I shall make my mother ruler of Florida. Mary Evelyn can have a country/state as well.
It will be a Lindsaytopia.
But that is in the far future. Like, a whole three and a half years. (I think I should conquer the world after college). But what is going on now?
I regret to inform you, your fearless leader was driven slightly insane with work. There was a history midterm, a lab proposal due, and a chemistry test, all in the same week! Sometimes I wonder if teachers get together in secret teacher meetings and plan when the deluge of work will come.
SECRET TEACHER MEETING:
DR. ATWOOD: How about the 6th through the 10th? That seems good for me.
DR. CARTER: Hmmm... No can do, it's my wife's birthday. I need to be totally focused, in case I forget.
DR. STANTON: How 'bout the next week? That way everyone else will have done their midterms and they'll be feeling secure. We'll get 'em when they least expect it!
DR. ATWOOD: Bwhahaha!
So while your intrepid teenage hero was living under a pile of textbooks and paper, she went a bit bonkers, as is her wont when the going gets tough.
Things happened like this:
LINDSAY: What is this thing you call food? I don't seem to remember having any...
CORINNE: Human beings require it- you put it in your mouth, chew, swallow- any of this ringing any bells in there?
LINDAY: Oh... Is that what that persistent ringing in my head is?
CORINNE: ...No.
And:
LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk* WHY?
ERIN: What now, Lindsay? *Says "Lindsay" as most would say "insane babbling personage"*
LINDSAY: I know what you think of me! I can hear your pernicious thoughts!
ERIN: ...No.
And:
LINDSAY: If I could only-
CORINNE: No.
LINDSAY: But it would make everything so much-
ERIN: NO.
LINDSAY: Just a few-
CORINNE AND ERIN: Ritual suicide by paper cut is not an option.
But the week was soon over, I feel pretty good about everything, and made a 96.67 on the chem test!
The weekend was spent doing absolutely nothing of any value. I promise to come back sooner! We will attain Lindsaytopia!
Of course, no desserts for the dancing boys, sorry, you must remain fit.
We will be benevolent, bestowing our riches on those who need it and those who please us. Willis and Coffee Lady will get a large chunk. Willis makes us our stirfry and remembers our names, and Coffee Lady remembers our names and makes us coffee! She also gives us extra whipped cream. For this, they will each get one million dollars!
Those that displease us? Well, to Greenland with ye! You may have the snow and ice.
I think I shall make my mother ruler of Florida. Mary Evelyn can have a country/state as well.
It will be a Lindsaytopia.
But that is in the far future. Like, a whole three and a half years. (I think I should conquer the world after college). But what is going on now?
I regret to inform you, your fearless leader was driven slightly insane with work. There was a history midterm, a lab proposal due, and a chemistry test, all in the same week! Sometimes I wonder if teachers get together in secret teacher meetings and plan when the deluge of work will come.
SECRET TEACHER MEETING:
DR. ATWOOD: How about the 6th through the 10th? That seems good for me.
DR. CARTER: Hmmm... No can do, it's my wife's birthday. I need to be totally focused, in case I forget.
DR. STANTON: How 'bout the next week? That way everyone else will have done their midterms and they'll be feeling secure. We'll get 'em when they least expect it!
DR. ATWOOD: Bwhahaha!
So while your intrepid teenage hero was living under a pile of textbooks and paper, she went a bit bonkers, as is her wont when the going gets tough.
Things happened like this:
LINDSAY: What is this thing you call food? I don't seem to remember having any...
CORINNE: Human beings require it- you put it in your mouth, chew, swallow- any of this ringing any bells in there?
LINDAY: Oh... Is that what that persistent ringing in my head is?
CORINNE: ...No.
And:
LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk* WHY?
ERIN: What now, Lindsay? *Says "Lindsay" as most would say "insane babbling personage"*
LINDSAY: I know what you think of me! I can hear your pernicious thoughts!
ERIN: ...No.
And:
LINDSAY: If I could only-
CORINNE: No.
LINDSAY: But it would make everything so much-
ERIN: NO.
LINDSAY: Just a few-
CORINNE AND ERIN: Ritual suicide by paper cut is not an option.
But the week was soon over, I feel pretty good about everything, and made a 96.67 on the chem test!
The weekend was spent doing absolutely nothing of any value. I promise to come back sooner! We will attain Lindsaytopia!
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