Well, it's been nearly six months, hasn't it? It's amazing how things are so different, and yet so much the same. The past month has been especially crazy.
Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I just want to lie down and go to sleep for a month, and sometimes I can't wait for things to get moving... I guess I'm just a study in contradictions. Some things never change.
What can I say about my life, now?
Right now I'm studying for a massive immunology test, but I needed a break. In the last week I've had two papers and two midterms, so I've been a little crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. However, there has not been much screaming or gnashing of teeth, so there's been improvement since freshman year!
I pulled the same stunt that I always do, this semester. See, I'm only technically taking three actual classes, so I was so sure that I would have so much time! I would frolic, and dance, and make all A's really easily!
REAL LIFE: *creeps up on naive Lindsay*
LINDSAY: And I will bake cakes and hang out with Boyfriend and sing all the time and play card games and...
REAL LIFE: *Whacks Lindsay with Sledgehammer of Duty*
I tell you, that Sledgehammer of Duty leaves a rotten bruise. It does it every time, and I never learn.
First of all, I'm in lab about 20 hours a week. I actually really like it, it just takes up a lot of time. It's something that I can see myself doing for a long time. This is good, seeing how it is my life plan.
In actual classlandia, I'm taking Immunology, History of Popular Music, and Introduction to Religious Thought.
Immunology is... well, immunology. It's horrendously complicated and sometimes makes me want to strangle myself...
LINDSAY: The TCR binds to the MHC Class I which activates the CD40 that activates ZAP-70 in turn phosphorylating the ITAM on zeta? Too... Many... Acronyms...
BOYFRIEND: She's crashing! Send in the Glossary!
However, it is pretty interesting stuff. If you had told me that I would be considering doctoral programs in immunology three years ago, I probably would have laughed in your face.
LINDSAY: HA! Major in the one thing I don't understand easily! Pfft. And people call me crazy.
My history class is fun. I'm again taking with Dr. Wolf, who continues to be awesome. I feel kind of bad, because I just took the midterm in that class and I don't think it went that well. I just ran out of time, and instead of writing a shorter, better thought out essay, I kind of just threw in as much information as possible.
It's a crazy amount of work, though. A million readings, a huge research paper. She's definitely not wrong to ask for it, it's a 4000 level class. But I feel like I'm constantly slipping a little, because I just don't have the time. Then again, I seem to be the only one who is trying at all, so there's that.
WOLF, DESTROYER OF INGRATES: So, who can tell me about Wald's definition of the blues?
CLASS: *Silence*
LINDSAY: *gives answer*
WDI: And how does that relate to his thesis?
CLASS: *stares blankly*
LINDSAY: *looks around at everyone*
WDI: ...Just go ahead, Lindsay.
The same thing is kind of happening in my Religion class, but that's because it's a freshman level course and I am surrounded by ta dumb.
Okay. That was mean.
I don't really know how to feel about it. Sometimes I think I'm being extremely pompous and awful, but this class just drives me crazy. We move at a ridiculously glacial pace, and it could be saved if people would just talk about the concepts and have a good discourse, but no one wants to speak up.
I honestly think that it's just because it's a freshman class. That sounds bad, but it's true. While it seems to be the big thing now to bash college as being useless, I really think that by senior year we have learned enough that we are able to move faster and discuss more.
Also, I think I've been ruined for the social sciences.
PROFESSOR: And this is a study proving that Americans are more narcissistic than ever before!
LINDSAY: What are your experimental methods? Is this correlation implying causation? Do you have CONTROLS?!
PROFESSOR: *happily starts talking about something else*
LINDSAY: SCIENCE HAS RULES.
Life at the apartment has been crazy, because we are all madly applying for things and are all terrified that we won't end up anywhere next year. Susana and I have planned for this. If we are alone and destitute, we will share a cardboard box.
Well, I must go back to reading immunology! One more chapter to go! One more... thirty page chapter... of death.
*cries*
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3 comments:
I feel your pain. I was in happy tra la la land of "Oh, I'm only taking 4 classes, I'll be okay!" But NO.
I'm stupid. I'm treasurer for my giant organization that likes to spend/get lots of money aka requires lots of my time. And the meetings. and recruiting season with interviews of doom such as "you'd-better-get-this-interview-right-or-the-rest-of-your-life-will-suck" type dealies. Yup. XD We're both just not that smart. How come real life evades us so much while we're planning our semesters but then decides to trample us during? I think it's mean. XD
In any case... we. will. survive.
Yup. Eventually. XD
Dear one, I am confident that you will come through this wiser and better, 'though i know it feels awful at times. And besides, no cardboard boxes for you, you can always come to live with me! I just know that is what you want (but hey, it's a backup plan!).
You are amazing and your words and inserted conversations are revelatory. They are funny and probing, always searching for a central meaning. Thank you for sharing. I echo your mother's comments that your cogitation will make you wiser and you shall not ever inhabit a cardboard box. Keep up that search and your scientific mindset.
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