Chronicle Number 12: Incommunicado

Yes, yes, I realize. I disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. I mean, I was home for a week, so really you got an update of me in person, and who could want anything more?

Finals are starting soon, and that means I really will disappear, this time into books. So... What has happened to me in the past week?

Well, upon arriving back at school, getting through my hordes of fans and the paparazzi, I realized that I had a formal lab report (which I referred to as the LAB OF EVIL), questions for the quiz bowl tournament to write, and an essay due, as well as my lab final on Wednesday. I immediately dove into a book and went into the many hysterical stages of work grief.

Anyway, everything got done, even though there were a couple really wishy washy times when I nearly burst into hysterical tears. Now, tears ruin your great leader's beauty, so we just couldn't be having with that. But your heroine got it together and on Thursday night was watching the Boondock Saints in celebration.

Friday was spent helping write questions for the tournament, and going to Megan's concert, which was super fantabulous except for the sopranos, but it's really hard for a soprano to win me over anyway.

We then watched Moulin Rouge, and I went to bed, thinking everything was peachy.

As per usual, I was mistaken. (I am never wrong, but I am often mistaken.)

After about 6 and 1/2 hours of sleep, I walked into room 513 of journalism at 8:00 and was greeted by Tim's crazy eyes.

TIM: We are so screwed. We have nothing done. Well, to be precise, we're missing 4 rounds of literature questions.
LINDSAY: Aw, nuts.
TIM: Okon is furiously writing at his house and sending them to me. I'm getting the first packet together, and by the way, I've slept 8 hours in 6 DAYS.
LINDSAY: I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit afraid of you right now. And for you right now.

We proceed to write questions as the tournament progressed. This mainly meant that while others were reading questions and doing stats, and all that jazz, Jordan and I were sitting in our own little bubble writing on anything Okon needed. This birthed episodes like:

LINDSAY AND JORDAN: *write write write write*
MUNEEB: *wanders in* Hey guys.
LINDSAY (to Jordan): You write on Pearl S. Buck, I'll write on Anaya.
JORDAN (to Lindsay): Okay, got it.
MUNEEB: Hey, whatcha doing?
OKON: LEAVE THEM ALONE.
MUNEEB: What- wait, I-
OKON: They are working JUST DON'T TALK TO THEM.

And:

TJ and OTHERS: *wander in*
LINDSAY AND JORDAN: *write write write write*
OTHERS: YAK YAK YAK!
TIM: Y'all, shut up!
LINDSAY AND JORDAN: *write write write write*
OTHERS: WE SHALL NOW TALK VERY LOUDLY.
TIM: JUST GET OUT. They're working, GET OUT!!!!

I really think that the most comical thing about this is that through both of these lovely situations, I had no idea what was going on. I did not hear any of this, I was too concentrated, someone had to tell me it happened.

Later that night, Corinne and I went to the quiz bowl party. Our first college party, we're so cool. It mainly consisted of the Game of Life and Rock Band.

Hearing Chiego, Tim, Paul, and Cullen sing made it all worth it. I nearly cried a couple times, I was laughing so hard.

Yesterday was mainly me being carried away by a deluge of work, and now I am here with you.

And now I'm leaving on my raft in the river of work again!

Chronicle Number Eleven: Is That Your Sneaky Run?

This chronicle is named "Is That Your Sneaky Run?" because that is the precise question that Corinne asked not five minutes ago. It went something like this:

CORINNE: Is that your sneaky run?
LINDSAY: Why yes, why yes it is.
CORINNE: It's very good. I nearly couldn't see you.

The reasons we were sneakily running need not be made known to the general public. Just rest safely in the knowledge that it was in the interests of your intrepid teenage hero, and thus, in your own interests.

So, that thing called school. It is going quite well, actually, I think. The last two weeks (pretty much since you heard from me last), have consisted generally of Study!Lindsay and Insane!Lindsay switching off. Last weekend I went to Florida with the Quizbowl, which was super fun/AIGH GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW. The AGMOoHRN time was mainly when I was in the car, and when my dear teammates were seemingly attempting to kill each other.

Well, something that redeemed the weekend, and something that I have found to be extraordinarily amusing- Drunk people!

A couple of the guys (over 21, y'all) apparently have a tradition of getting super drunk the night before quizbowl. (Neither of them driving, y'all) For the sake of privacy, let's call them Bert and Ernie. The night for Bert and Ernie consisted of 1) singing in polish, 2) singing in russian 3) fighting about which was better, Poland or Germany.

Hilarity ensued, especially when Bert would tap Ernie lightly on the shoulders, and Ernie would fall over. Or when Ernie would try to walk over to Bert, and then fall over. Or when Ernie would try and convince me that he wasn't drunk- and then fall over.

So that was special. I've decided that while I still shall not get drunk, watching other people do it is okay.

The rest of quizbowl was good. I rode back in the car with Okon, Christine, and Steven, which ensured hilarity.

After that, the week erupted into madness, as it seems my life is wont to do. Had a calculus test on Tuesday (went okay, not sure how I feel about it, but I'm not crying into a bowl of oatmeal, am I?) had lab on Wednesday, and a chem test on Thursday, on which I got a 93! W00t.

I'm leaving now, to attempt to catch up in history, which I had woefully abandoned in an attempt to learn everything else. Much love, everyone, and don't worry-

We will attain Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number Ten: I Desire a Mushroom Farm

When I am empress, I have decided to also be a mushroom farmer. Apparently, these actually exist. I am filled with joy at the prospect.

You see, in the book I have for my freshman seminar, it has a line that states "the ants carry the leaves to fungi, which they farm like we farm mushrooms." My first response?

LINDSAY: It shall be MINE!

So this is my new goal in life. Perhaps it will last a day or two.

The friends visited from Atlanta, which was a prospect that filled me with joy and horror. Joy, because I love my friends and miss them, and horror, because I wanted them to like UGA, so I wanted to think of cool things to entertain them with...

All which consisted of horrible failure after horrible failure.

FAILED ATTEMPT NUMBER ONE

MEGAN: Let us tralala to the corn maze!
LINDSAY: Corn maze? That sounds like a cool and entertaining thing.
MEGAN: We shall set out at 6:30!

6:30

MEGAN: Um. Well. Some people are not ready.
LINDSAY: I guess we can wait.

7:00

BRIANNA: .... Are they ready yet?
MEGAN: ...No.

7:30

MADDIE: Are they ready yet?
LINDSAY: ...No.

8:00

MADDIE: Are UGA people always this late?
LINDSAY: No! No! I pride myself on my punctuality!
BRIANNA: ...Fo' serious?
LINDSAY: Actually, no. That was a lie.

8:30

MEGAN: They're ready!
LINDSAY: Yes! Let the night of entertainment begin! We shall grab our coats and go.

8:35 IN THE LOBBY

LINDSAY: Um... Corinne? Where is everyone?
CORINNE: They left.
LINDSAY: !!!
CORINNE: They didn't want to wait.
LINDSAY: !!! !!! !!!
MADDIE: ...Epic fail

...Yes, the caravan we had been promised had left. We had been given directions, but when we followed them, they did not lead us to the corn maze. All lies, lies and slander.

FAILED ATTEMPT NUMBER TWO

LINDSAY: We're going to the Rocky Horror Picture show! It should be super fun.
BRIANNA: YAY! XD The evening is not a failure yet!

CINEMA: I am closed.
CORINNE: All lies, lies and slander.
LINDSAY:...Epic fail.

Failed attempt number three consisted of us trying to get stirfry, and the people completely messing it up. It filled me with sadness.

But after the three failed attempts, we pretty much just hung out in the room and talked/did homework/played scrabble. I should of remembered, this is what my friends and I do.

So the weekend turned out to not be such an epic fail. I'm in a bit of a tizzy, because last night Megan scared me half to death.

MEGAN, LOOKING AT CHEMISTRY SYLLABUS: Oh.
LINDSAY: What?
MEGAN: Lab proposal 15 is due this week.
LINDSAY: !!!
MEGAN: Oh. Well, lab is on friday, I'll be fine.
LINDSAY: !!! Don't lie to me, woman!
MEGAN: No, seriously, look. It's right here.
LINDSAY: !!!

So I'm off to write that. Oodles and oodles of fun.

Chronicle Number Nine: Am Getting Really Tired of Writing "Chronicle Number ___"

But I shall continue, dear subjects of Lindsaytopia, for you.

Feeling a bit strange, seeing as there is nothing really for me to write about. I mean, I'm in one of the lulls from horror and pain, and horror and pain are always the best subjects to write about.

I do have slight signs of horror to come, as the calculus test is in two weeks.

LINDSAY: Calculus test? What calculus test? Tests are a fallacy.
CORINNE: No, actually they really do-
LINDSAY: Shhhhhh! *glares* If we don't think about it, it doesn't exist!

Just kidding, Mom! Heh heh heh.... *shifty eyes*

I have decided to go to the quiz bowl tournament in Florida. Therefore, Corinne and Erin are attempting to teach me how sane people act.

LINDSAY: The last cookie?! MWAHAHAHAHA!
CORINNE: Lindsay? Laughing maniacally is not something sane people do.
LINDSAY: Dually noted. I shall fool them, fool them all! BWHAHAHAHA!
CORINNE: ...no.

STANDING IN THE STIRFRY LINE:
LINDSAY: Where in the world is Willis?
CORINNE: There is no one to give us extra steak. Sadness.
LINDSAY: Mother... I'm hungry. And my nose is froze.
CORINNE: And my ears is froze.
LINDSAY: *as Corinne is distracted, attacks*
CORINNE: Lindsay, sane people do not attempt to eat other people.
LINDSAY, MOUTH FULL OF SLEEVE: ...no?

Megan has been notoriously absent from my life, seeing as she had a huge test this morning, millions of extra curriculars, and of course... Graham.

But that's okay, she always comes back.

When she was here last night, she was studying for her huge animal science test with a friend.

This leads to episodes like this: (I couldn't make this up.)

MEGAN: Why must you be careful with a gerbil's tail?
LINDSAY: I think I could have gone my whole life without hearing that question.
FRIEND: Because it might fall off!
LINDSAY: ...

And this:

MEGAN: What is another name for a fizzy mouse?
LINDSAY: ...Carbonated rodent?

I haven't seen her since she left this morning, so I don't know how she did, but it's Megan. I'm sure she aced it.

There it is, a small bit of Lindsay insanity for you! And don't worry, we will still attain Lindsaytopia!

And gosh, Bri Bri, of course you can have a country. What do you take me for?

Chronicle Number Eight: I Plan to Live in Sunny California with Dancing Boys

When I conquer the world, I shall live in sunny California with Corinne and our dancing boys. I will be a fair and just ruler, no need to fear. There will be no time for pesky wars, because time will be dedicated to desserts, some smatterings of work, and paying attention to Me.

Of course, no desserts for the dancing boys, sorry, you must remain fit.

We will be benevolent, bestowing our riches on those who need it and those who please us. Willis and Coffee Lady will get a large chunk. Willis makes us our stirfry and remembers our names, and Coffee Lady remembers our names and makes us coffee! She also gives us extra whipped cream. For this, they will each get one million dollars!

Those that displease us? Well, to Greenland with ye! You may have the snow and ice.

I think I shall make my mother ruler of Florida. Mary Evelyn can have a country/state as well.

It will be a Lindsaytopia.

But that is in the far future. Like, a whole three and a half years. (I think I should conquer the world after college). But what is going on now?

I regret to inform you, your fearless leader was driven slightly insane with work. There was a history midterm, a lab proposal due, and a chemistry test, all in the same week! Sometimes I wonder if teachers get together in secret teacher meetings and plan when the deluge of work will come.

SECRET TEACHER MEETING:

DR. ATWOOD: How about the 6th through the 10th? That seems good for me.
DR. CARTER: Hmmm... No can do, it's my wife's birthday. I need to be totally focused, in case I forget.
DR. STANTON: How 'bout the next week? That way everyone else will have done their midterms and they'll be feeling secure. We'll get 'em when they least expect it!
DR. ATWOOD: Bwhahaha!

So while your intrepid teenage hero was living under a pile of textbooks and paper, she went a bit bonkers, as is her wont when the going gets tough.

Things happened like this:

LINDSAY: What is this thing you call food? I don't seem to remember having any...
CORINNE: Human beings require it- you put it in your mouth, chew, swallow- any of this ringing any bells in there?
LINDAY: Oh... Is that what that persistent ringing in my head is?
CORINNE: ...No.

And:

LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk* WHY?
ERIN: What now, Lindsay? *Says "Lindsay" as most would say "insane babbling personage"*
LINDSAY: I know what you think of me! I can hear your pernicious thoughts!
ERIN: ...No.

And:

LINDSAY: If I could only-
CORINNE: No.
LINDSAY: But it would make everything so much-
ERIN: NO.
LINDSAY: Just a few-
CORINNE AND ERIN: Ritual suicide by paper cut is not an option.

But the week was soon over, I feel pretty good about everything, and made a 96.67 on the chem test!

The weekend was spent doing absolutely nothing of any value. I promise to come back sooner! We will attain Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number Seven: If Only My Life Was a Musical

If only my life was a musical. Things would be better, then.

I am thinking of this (though truly I've thought this since I knew what a musical was) because I watched Rent on Saturday night. While UGA was being firmly beaten into a crying pulp, I was singing happy songs.

I don't know if everyone has seen Rent, but oh well. You are just going to have to bear with me.

Rent is an awesome movie. Probably one of my favorites, but the end is... Face it, incredibly cheesy.

MIMI, EXPIRING OF AIDS: *Cough* I die!
ROGER, EXPIRING OF AIDS: *sings* Your eyes are pretty. I love you.
MIMI, IN MIRACULOUS RECOVERY: *cough* Gee willikers, I feel better.

Now, as I grow up, I've decided this: Pathetically cheesy is okay! If my life were a musical, everything would be pathetically, cheesily perfect.

As in the calculus test.

REAL LIFE:

LINDSAY: This test... It makes the AP Calculus test look like a meadow. Full of pretty flowers. Where I'm dancing. With Patrick Demsey.
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR: Squeeeaaaak!
LINDSAY: *Pounds head against desk* I HATE LIFE.
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR: Squeeeeaaaak! Squeeaaak squeeeaaak squeeeeeaaaaaaaaak!
LINDSAY: *cries* WHY?!?? *poundpoundpound*
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR/EVIL INCARNATE: SQUEEAAAAK!
LINDSAY: Your DEATH is IMMINENT.
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR: Squeak?

LIFE IN A MUSICAL:

LINDSAY: My dear Dr. Graham,
There's something wrong with my test!
In my AP Calculus class,
I always was the best!
I don't know what to do.
I fear that I may die.
DR. GRAHAM: Do not worry, I will curve it,
There is no need to criiiiie!
Here, the Calc class all promptly stand up and begin dancing in unison.
Dr. GRAHAM: For I am Mathematics Man
And I will do all that I can!
To fight the good fight,
With integral power!
To do all that I might
To make their scores tower!
There will be a low grade ban,
'Cause I am MATHEMATICS MAN!

Sometimes my brain scares me...

Maybe my life would not be a particularly well written musical... But it would still be wonderful! And full of singing! (Granted, some people I know would just have to be dancers. You know who you are.)

But seriously, ppl... (that ppl thing is a joke. I don't actually do that. Although now that I've pointed it out it's not funny.) Anywho, what do you want to hear about?! I'm begging, here. I'm running out of material here. (Um, Exhibit A: Mathematics Man.)

And now, in parting, a line from another musical!

Adieu, Adieu, to you and you and you!

Chronicle Number Six: Back by Popular Demand, AKA Mark

*is sheepish*

I know, I know. I haven't been here in awhile.

In my defense, I have a sort of excuse... I don't think it's a good one, but when has that ever stopped me before?

If I were to actually write a blog before last thursday, it would not have been a blog at all. It would have consisted of:

"AIGH!!!*headdesk*"

I didn't think that would satisfy your rabid interest in my life.

But all the same, what can you do without me? I'll tell you what you do. You wither. You wither into mere husks of yourselves. And what am I to do with friend-husks? Shall I make friend-husk dolls? I think I would have to combine you, and that would be no fun. Mark, I saw you this weekend, and I could just see you wasting away.

So, what is going on in my life, you ask? What has been occupying my hallowed brain?

Weeeeell, the reason I was insane for about a week was...

Chemistry.

Now, chemistry is actually very easy. For now, its all review, and that is pretty easy. However, my teacher likes putting the fear of Atwood in his poor defenseless students.

LINDSAY: Hmm. This problem is pretty easy. I like it.
ATWOOD: The problems on the test are nothing like this. They are TEN times harder. No, A THOUSAND times harder. No, a MILLIEON* TIMES HARDER!!! BWHAHAHAHA!
LINDSAY: *cries*

*To be read in funny evil sorcerer voice

This was a dark time in my life. It was full of me systematically beating my head into a wall. Mother, please understand that I am being metaphorical here. Did you see any bruises?

But I took my test, and made good grades, and had a good french class (I know, I know, GASP!SHOCK!AW!) So things have been better.

I also got to go to six flags! That was equal parts WHEE! and AIGH!

But I'm sleepy.

So I'm going to bed. (I don't think this was actually very funny. But I'm tired. So Pbbbt.)

Chronicle Number Five: Tailgating, Football, Headaches, O My!

Carlye (My RA), Megan (My intrepid teenage roommate) and Me! Tailgating!

Greetings from far Athens! I have come to spread the sweet rain of my presence onto your drought-ridden minds!

How has it been without me? Sad, yes? I really pity you. I get to be with me all the time.

The week has been pretty good! I feel like I'm really getting used to this college thing. Plus, it helped have gone home last weekend. Saw the friends, saw the family, was pounced upon by the church. Ooh, church pouncing. So painful. All that brick and mortar.

Anywho, the week was fun. It was short, 'cause of labor day. Therefore, Lindsay has decided to make a decree. From now on, no school on Mondays. No work either! Every Monday shall be a labor Monday!

LINDSAY: This is a good idea. All should obey me.
THE GOVERNMENT: Um. No.
LINDSAY: Pbbbt.

So maybe it won't actually happen. But it should.

What interesting things happened to me this week? (I know, I know, "Lindsay, everything that happens to you is interesting!" I keep telling you, I can't tell you everything! This blog would be too long.)

Class has been okay. Kind of boring, but oh well. French remains slightly terrifying.

FRENCH PROFESSOR: Ah ahm old. Ahnd kind av creepeh.

But I guess the most exciting thing (to you, maybe) is I went to the football game!

LINDSAY: W00t! *waves pom pom*

Actually, I did not have a pom pom, although I wanted one. Woe is me. No pom poms for Lindsay. No one loves her enough to get her one. (coughMegancough)

MEGAN: How was I supposed to get you a pom pom?
LINDSAY: I don't know. Be creative.

Well, the game was sort of fun. When they were actually doing stuff. And when I could understand the stuff that they were doing. And when I wasn't dying of heat exposure... There was a lot of

EVERYONE AROUND LINDSAY: W00T! OMG! YAAAAY!
LINDSAY: Yay! YAY! Wait... what happened?
MEGAN: We moved the ball 20 yards.
LINDSAY: YAY!
EVERYONE: ... We have already stopped cheering.

And some of

EVERYONE BUT LINDSAY: Aww.
LINDSAY: ???
MEGAN: (who is an expert by now, all hail Megan) We thought we made touch down, but it touched the ground at the one yard line.
LINDSAY: Awww.
EVERYONE BUT LINDSAY: We have stopped. Does she have some type of disease?

And more of

LINDSAY: Megan! Maddie said they had fireworks at her school! Every time they made a touchdown. Where are the fireworks???!
MEGAN: There are no fireworks.
LINDSAY: No fireworks? That is heinous.

We left at half-time, after the pretty band did pretty things. Megan had a dancing thing and I had a headache. So after we had dinner I went and lay down in my room... An end to the fun.

But I am going to take away the positives of this experience! YAY to watching guys jump on each other! YAY to watching a guy leap nimbly around another player like a bouncing gazelle! YAY.

And plus, any anger I had against UGA for the fireworks debacle was soothed today by the chocolate fountain. After all, what great wound cannot be cured by chocolate?