Chronicle Number 42: Drat My Caring Heart

It seems now that I start off every blog post with an apology. I would like to be able to write every week, but the truth is that there are weeks when nothing happens- so I don't write, or weeks that are so busy I can barely breathe- so I don't write.

I think it is also partially because I don't feel particularly funny. I don't feel like my stories are that exciting at this point, and I don't know what to write when I can't be cheerful and joking.

So what is going on in my life? Last semester was extremely hard. I was busy all the time, what with my classes, lab, and graduate applications. There were times when I know I was neither rational nor fun. My people held up remarkably well, despite the fact that (in the words of Boyfriend) "a hurricane would be more predictable."

LINDSAY: I cannot destroy the things I hate, so I must destroy the things I love!!!!

Luckily I did not destroy anything, especially Boyfriend. If Boyfriend were destroyed, I would be quite displeased. Despite the crazy (which honestly, I should be used to), last semester seemed to go remarkably well. I made high grades and succeeded in lab, and my personal life did not explode. But it didn't make for very fun blog talk.

So what am I doing now, you ask? Hopefully you haven't been waiting with baited breath, because you would be dead by now.

I'm going to graduate school interviews! Sounds like fun, right? Right? Wrong. I've only been to one so far, and even though I loved the school and thought it was super awesome, it was also very stressful. It's funny how actually really liking something can make possibly losing it scarier.

LINDSAY: I'm invested. Drat my caring heart! Now it matters.

At the same time, it is really cool to talk to people who do this for a living. Because I really want to do this. I think it's really important. I think sometimes I might have trouble getting that across to interviewers.

INTERVIEWER: Are you awesome? Tell me why.
LINDSAY: I am so awesome. *Concentrates on appearing awesome*
INTERVIEWER: Is your eye twitching? Do you need a glass of water or something?

But enough about that! This year I'm taking biotechnology! I think that it is a secret plot to make me take a business class. Surprisingly, I am down with this secret plot.

LINDSAY: Wait. Are you saying that I'm going to have to understand how the world works? I'm confused.
PROFESSOR: Learn how to run a company!
LINDSAY: I belong in lab! What's that shiny yellow thing staring at me?!
PROFESSOR: This is the outside. That is the sun.
LINDSAY: It burns!

It's actually sort of fun. We have to fake buy stock with fake money! I have so far earned 14,000 fake dollars! Hopefully this continues. I would like to be a fake millionaire.

I am also taking cell biology, but that is boring and we shall not speak of it.

There is also this other class. It is very difficult. It's something that I don't have much cause to do. Mainly because I don't like it. What is it, you ask? What is UGA forcing me to do that I obviously won't do on my own?

...

...

Exercise.

In this case, I am taking fitness for life walking. Yes, I am taking walking. It's actually a lot more legit than I expected. This alternately invigorates and depresses me. It was the only class that would fit in my schedule, as I am doing my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and living in lab the other weekdays.

LINDSAY: I am way too fat to do this.
MARVIN, WALKING INSTRUCTOR: I would refute that, but I am too busy being depressed that I am teaching walking.
LINDSAY: Yeah. Tough break, that one. What do I do now?
MARVIN: Walk up these stairs.
LINDSAY: It burns!

So that's what I've been up to. We'll see if this whole "blogging" thing continues. Who knows, I could be back next week or I could see you in six month! I've got to keep you on your toes, now don't I?

Chronicle Number 41: Science Has Rules

Well, it's been nearly six months, hasn't it? It's amazing how things are so different, and yet so much the same. The past month has been especially crazy.

Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I just want to lie down and go to sleep for a month, and sometimes I can't wait for things to get moving... I guess I'm just a study in contradictions. Some things never change.

What can I say about my life, now?

Right now I'm studying for a massive immunology test, but I needed a break. In the last week I've had two papers and two midterms, so I've been a little crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. However, there has not been much screaming or gnashing of teeth, so there's been improvement since freshman year!

I pulled the same stunt that I always do, this semester. See, I'm only technically taking three actual classes, so I was so sure that I would have so much time! I would frolic, and dance, and make all A's really easily!

REAL LIFE: *creeps up on naive Lindsay*
LINDSAY: And I will bake cakes and hang out with Boyfriend and sing all the time and play card games and...
REAL LIFE: *Whacks Lindsay with Sledgehammer of Duty*

I tell you, that Sledgehammer of Duty leaves a rotten bruise. It does it every time, and I never learn.

First of all, I'm in lab about 20 hours a week. I actually really like it, it just takes up a lot of time. It's something that I can see myself doing for a long time. This is good, seeing how it is my life plan.

In actual classlandia, I'm taking Immunology, History of Popular Music, and Introduction to Religious Thought.

Immunology is... well, immunology. It's horrendously complicated and sometimes makes me want to strangle myself...

LINDSAY: The TCR binds to the MHC Class I which activates the CD40 that activates ZAP-70 in turn phosphorylating the ITAM on zeta? Too... Many... Acronyms...
BOYFRIEND: She's crashing! Send in the Glossary!

However, it is pretty interesting stuff. If you had told me that I would be considering doctoral programs in immunology three years ago, I probably would have laughed in your face.

LINDSAY: HA! Major in the one thing I don't understand easily! Pfft. And people call me crazy.

My history class is fun. I'm again taking with Dr. Wolf, who continues to be awesome. I feel kind of bad, because I just took the midterm in that class and I don't think it went that well. I just ran out of time, and instead of writing a shorter, better thought out essay, I kind of just threw in as much information as possible.

It's a crazy amount of work, though. A million readings, a huge research paper. She's definitely not wrong to ask for it, it's a 4000 level class. But I feel like I'm constantly slipping a little, because I just don't have the time. Then again, I seem to be the only one who is trying at all, so there's that.

WOLF, DESTROYER OF INGRATES: So, who can tell me about Wald's definition of the blues?
CLASS: *Silence*
LINDSAY: *gives answer*
WDI: And how does that relate to his thesis?
CLASS: *stares blankly*
LINDSAY: *looks around at everyone*
WDI: ...Just go ahead, Lindsay.

The same thing is kind of happening in my Religion class, but that's because it's a freshman level course and I am surrounded by ta dumb.

Okay. That was mean.

I don't really know how to feel about it. Sometimes I think I'm being extremely pompous and awful, but this class just drives me crazy. We move at a ridiculously glacial pace, and it could be saved if people would just talk about the concepts and have a good discourse, but no one wants to speak up.

I honestly think that it's just because it's a freshman class. That sounds bad, but it's true. While it seems to be the big thing now to bash college as being useless, I really think that by senior year we have learned enough that we are able to move faster and discuss more.

Also, I think I've been ruined for the social sciences.

PROFESSOR: And this is a study proving that Americans are more narcissistic than ever before!
LINDSAY: What are your experimental methods? Is this correlation implying causation? Do you have CONTROLS?!
PROFESSOR: *happily starts talking about something else*
LINDSAY: SCIENCE HAS RULES.

Life at the apartment has been crazy, because we are all madly applying for things and are all terrified that we won't end up anywhere next year. Susana and I have planned for this. If we are alone and destitute, we will share a cardboard box.

Well, I must go back to reading immunology! One more chapter to go! One more... thirty page chapter... of death.

*cries*

Chronicle Number 40: More Evidence of My Crazy

I return! Fresh off of the shores of adventure, I salute thee!

It's been a long journey here, and I tell you, comrades, it is not yet over. There are still tests to be taken! Journeys to commence! Dances to ridiculously dance!

I've realized that I've broken the cardinal rule these last few weeks. I guess at this point it's just irrevocably shattered. What is this rule, you ask? Well, Intrepid Young Sidekick Corinne could tell you.

It is simply, Never Give Them Evidence of Your Crazy.

Too late.

The weekend before last, I was able to give a whole new group this evidence! Soon all the world will know. Now, one man's crazy is another man's awesome, so I'm hoping that I can convince enough people that I am the latter. I was in Washington DC, for a concert at the National Gallery.

Weeks of work culminated in a lovely concert with the Men in Blaque from the University of Irvine. I don't really know if it was actually worth it, but if it wasn't then I am full of unspeakable horror. So I choose to believe that it was worth it. I don't want to be full of unspeakable horror, and I personally think that if you believe something long and hard enough that eventually it just has to be true.

The time in DC was fun, even if I couldn't really see much. Honestly, I feel sort of like an old hand at this, so I wasn't tres triste about not getting to go anywhere.

We did have lots of fun, though. There might have been a certain incident in which I named an umbrella "hobo slayer" declared myself "Hobo slaying sheriff" and recruited Amy, Sam and Laura as my hobo slaying deputies. But that's neither here nor there.

Of course, according to Murphy's Law, I couldn't get out of this completely unscathed.

FRIDAY: Today, Lindsay sings like an angel! There are no problems, it is quite lovely.
SATURDAY: Whose lovely voice is that? Oh, Lindsay's? She's awesome, you know.

On Sunday, however, I began to have a niggling sensation in the back of my throat.

LINDSAY: NOOOOOO!

Luckily my voice didn't completely give out until after the concert. It wasn't at its best, which was slightly depressing.

Then I got up on Monday to take my flight home.

At 4:00AM.

With a horrible head cold.

Well, I got back to Atlanta okay, even though I couldn't seem to sleep on the plane. Had breakfast with Bri Bri, which was fun. (In her words, "YAY!!! XD :) XDXD")

The week was uneventful, blah blah blah. I went home for Easter. Boyfriend was in Chicago, kicking butt and taking names at his Model UN conference. At least that's what I like to believe. (Reference to my earlier statement of believing things until they are true.)

BOYFRIEND: Lie to them! Lie to them!
LINDSAY: Oh, hush. You did well.
BOYFRIEND: I didn't get an award. I wasn't recognized!
LINDSAY: I'm beginning to think that you have a complex.

I think that perhaps our relationship works because we're both true blue purveyors of crazy.

This relationship would work even better if Boyfriend would buy me a Cheerwine. Hint hint.

Bonus Boyfriend Comment: This prior comment represents a special dynamic we have. My reply here: "You always do this. You say you want item X, I ask if you want me to get you one, you say no. Then you repeatedly comment about how you don't have item x, but maintain that 'It's fine' if I don't get you one." Lather rinse repeat. I'm a man, tell me if you want the Cheerwine or not.

Back to the awesome:

I'm just so misunderstood. Boyfriend doesn't get that I always want a Cheerwine.

By the way, I know what you're thinking right now, Mom. "She's so mean to him."

Wow, this has really descended into madness. (Oh, look! A Cheerwine!)

Anywhoot, Easter was fun. My Grandmother is here now, so it was nice to see her. Also, I love food. I could never be anorexic, I love food way too much.

Well, I should probably wrap this up. It's getting progressively more insane, and I'm getting progressively more bored while writing it. Plus, I should pay some attention to Boyfriend, as he is leaving me AGAIN this weekend. Geez.

Whatever you do, don't forget Lindsaytopia! Live the dream, people. Live. The. Dream.

Chronicle Number 39: My First and Foremost Jalapeno

I know, I know. I've been away forever. Really I blame you. It's because I don't ever get any comments. Obviously I cannot continue rambling without constant validation. I have to rely on the words of others for my self esteem! Duh!

Just kidding. Really. Please Mom, I'm fine. My self worth does not rely on the feelings of others. I make good choices. I remember who I am. I am kind to people and animals. Jesus loves me and so do you.

Moving on. What has been going on in my life? I think I've been gone for three weeks, right? Well, you won't get a rendition of most things, because I really can't remember past a week before. I never do. Live in the moment, that's me.

Last week was my week of horror. Really, it was the worst set of required things I've ever had. As tests go, it wasn't too bad. It was the rehearsals and performances that really cinched it.

The Friday before last I headed back to Augusta, in order to rehearse with the Georgia Chorus on Saturday. Fun times. Mom and I headed to PF Chang's to celebrate her acceptance into Seminary. In the true spirit of churchiness, we made many comments on the hot waiter. Don't worry, Boyfriend, Hot Waiter means nothing to me. You are my only hot tamale. My one true chili pepper. My first and foremost jalapeno.

...I'm going to stop now.

Rehearsal! Twas fine.

Saturday night it was back to Athens for Lindsay, so that I could go to the Bach rehearsal on Sunday. Scheduled from 3:00 to 9:00. I had the strange urge to commit hari kari. Monday was more rehearsal, Tuesday was the concert, and I had a psychology test on Wednesday. I'm not proud, but I really did kind of throw that test out the window. I didn't study at all. I just didn't have time, and we get a drop test.

Mom came to the performance on Tuesday, so we got to hang out a little. She loved it, so even though I didn't feel so fabulous, she helped me feel better about it.

Seriously, at some points this went on:

DIRECTOR: Come on, guys! You have to look angry at this part, it's important.
LINDSAY: *too tired to really care*
DIRECTOR: Think of something that makes you mad!
LINDSAY: *thinks I HATE REHEARSAL while singing*
DIRECTOR: Much better! *Oodles of smiles*

So, are you keeping up? Great, because I have more! There was a biochemistry test on Friday, which I just won't go into. This is supposed to be a funny blog, and ranting about the injustice of my ridiculous professor's ways really won't be fun reading. Suffice it to say, it was super hard but not as bad as it could be, and I'm hoping I pull a grade that will keep me at a B. I'm not being picky, at this point.

Saturday... You guessed it! More Georgia Chorus rehearsal.

It was also the first anniversary for Boyfriend and me. *Cues Awwwws*

It was very sweet. I got back to Athens, and we went to Utage for dinner, which is a sushi place I like. He was generally the sweet and awesome Boyfriend that we know so well. I won't go to far into the details. Just picture yourself descending into a barrel of sap, and you'll have how I feel about Boyfriend.

Then we went to a ball! Yes, you read that right. Demosthenian Literary Society was hosting a ball. Alex just joined, and Susana and Jack are already members.

It was very fun. We danced like maniacs. It's something I like to do, oh, every hour or so. It's nice to dance like a maniac in a socially accepted setting. They don't take too it well when you do it in the middle of the Student Learning Center.

Sunday I had to head to Conyers, GA for another performance. Woot.

This one went alright, but I think the reverb actually worked against us in parts. I can't wait to get a recording, though. Dad came to this one with a friend, and he took me out to dinner afterward.

Geez, this is turning into a narrative. I'm sorry, it's just that this week has been really busy. I'll try to sum it up more quickly.

Yesterday was mainly spent studying. I had a Peoples, Parasites, and Plagues test today. I probably didn't study as much as I should, but oh well. I think it went pretty well. PPP really suffers from being my last exam at times. It has happened twice now. When it is the last thing in a long string of things to do, I end up burned out and unable to really concentrate on things.

So yes! Today was my last test! I'm free, FREE.

...Until I start studying on Thursday for my Biochemistry final.

Isn't my life a hoot?

Chronicle Number 38: Lindsay and Boyfriend Go to Miami

My dear fellow Lindsaytopians,

I know that you are all sighing. I know that you wish it was not me, but Boyfriend who is writing this chronicle. I know, because I know you. I know you like him better than me. I see it in your eyes. Just remember that your first loyalty must lie with me.

I know that I have not updated you in awhile. I know that this fills you with woe, but too bad. I have no sympathy.
The past few weeks (minus spring break) have been filled with crazy. You'd think I'd be used to that, but alas, I am not.

The two weeks before spring break were spent in test taking, as per usual. The reenactment game we played in history was not cooperating with me, so I had a million things to do for that.

It would have been fine, except it really felt like not many people were actually prepared. Also, some of our people didn't even show up. Seriously, one disappeared before the game even started, one disappeared into the ether after one session, and one missed about four of the eight game days, if I'm counting right.

This made everything really difficult. When the people don't show up, and you've only got 12 to start with, it really throws a wrench into things. It did lead to funny situations, like when our professor talked to the roommate of the guy who hadn't shown up.

LINDSAY: Yeah, Hutch Hapgood hasn't been here since the first day.
ANNOYING CLASSMATE 1: Oh, I think he dropped.
WOLF: *overhears.* I haven't got any notification about it.
AC1: I'm sure he did!
WOLF: Tell him that he should.

Now, you can't get the true tone of her voice from this transcript, but just imagine that a woman named Montgomery Wolf, whose specialization is in the history of Punk Rock, and is generally epic in every way, just told you to drop a class in the most dangerous tone possible. Yeah, it was scary.

It confuses me, I guess, because I don't understand the mindset. Why would you skip a class that has ten people? The professor is going to know! And she doesn't have to give a Withdrawal Passing if she doesn't want to.

Well, whatever. I got through it, I have an A, and Wolf seems to like me. She is really pretty epic.

Getting up to break was kind of a slog. At one point I was just done. It ended up okay, because I didn't have to study all that much for my Peoples, Parasites and Plagues class. And then it was break! Hurray!

Spring Break turned out really well. The first bit I spent cleaning, which was not so much fun. But I also had time to do other stuff, so the cleaning was not too bad.

On Thursday I set off to Miami with Boyfriend and his family! If those words make you feel nervous terror, then you're just like me. Congratulations, you've achieved state of supreme being. Or supreme crazy, whichever way you look at it.

It ended up being pretty great. Mr. and Mrs. Boyfriend are awesome. Boyfriend has a hilarious relationship with his Dad, which mainly consists of

BOYFRIEND: *Says something. Anything at all, really, it doesn't matter.*
MR. BOYFRIEND: You are completely wrong, and here is why.
BOYFRIEND: Actually, sir, YOU are completely wrong. This is why.
MR. BOYFRIEND: I have stopped listening to you, because I prefer to insult your hair.
BOYFRIEND: That's funny, because I prefer to insult your age.
MRS. BOYFRIEND and LINDSAY: *look at each other and sigh*

It was all in good fun. I was left behind sometimes, because I don't always get all the legal/political stuff.

Well, I'm off now. I know this was not that exciting, but I'm sitting at a table with a bunch of people and I'm getting distracted. I'm just so popular. :P

Don't worry though, Lindsaytopia will soon arrive!

Chronicle Number 37: Boyfriend Speaks! The World Gasps in Horror!

Greetings and salutations, all ye followers of Lindsaytopia!

This chronicle is brought to you by none other than the mysterious, vaguely spoken of Boyfriend. At the request of Lindsay, I’m filling in for her this week and talking to you about a week in the life of her significant other, although her commentary may be interspersed throughout.

LINDSAY: He thinks I’m a busybody. Geez. No faith. *pauses* Wait… Ah, what the heck. My comments will be in between slashes.

While my darling has been busy with Biochemistry and the other horrors of South Campus here at UGA (things that I, as a Political Science and International Affairs major, know little to nothing of), I have been dealing with the tribulations and, for lack of a better word, trials /Oh haha. He’s so punny./ of being a Mock Trial captain. For the uninitiated, Mock Trial is a competitive simulation of an actual court case, with attorneys, witnesses, evidence, objections, etc. It’s like Law and Order, except without all of the Hollywood “poetic licenses” on little things, like “relevance” and “constitutional rights.” /I, personally, find those things silly./ Our case this year was a civil product liability trial – a company had made this toy (the innocent-sounding “Princess Beads”) that contained a chemical that turned into a date-rape drug when ingested. If you remember the hoopla over “Aqua Dots” a few years back, you know the basic idea here. When a 2 year old swallows several of the beads, he goes into respiratory arrest and dies, leading to the parent suing the toy company. I’ve been doing Mock Trial for about six years now, and this has probably been the most complicated case I’ve ever worked with. I even had to consult Lindsay /I’ve told him to refer to me as “divine goddess,” but does he listen? No./ on a few issues about toxicology and biochemistry (which were a huge part of the case). I was on the defense earlier in the year, representing the toy company, and it was… challenging, to say the least. That side really sucked a lot of the emotion out of the case- necessary but annoying. The other side has the whole “dead child” narrative going for them, which forces the defense to try and suppress a lot of the emotion. That’s really not my style, so I was really excited to be switched over to plaintiff for this semester. Alex righteous indignation returns in glory!!

I was also lucky enough to get to be captain of a C-team, a great experience, considering that only I and my co-captain had done College Mock Trial before, and the entire team was freshmen and sophomores. I could not have been happier with my team. They were dedicated, focused, and amazingly talented. UGA’s program will remain a terror for many years at this rate.

Our actual record at the regional in Kennesaw, GA last weekend might not be the best indicator of that, however. We finished 3-4-1 (3 wins/4 losses/ 1 tie) out of eight ballots (the score sheet for each of two judges in four rounds) – not too impressive. In our defense, we did face UNC-Chapel Hill’s A-team (finished 6^th overall), Emory’s A-team (finished 2^nd overall), and Duke’s B-team (finished 3^rd overall, and probably one of the best teams I have ever seen). Our other round was kind of a joke, as we won by 45 and 23 points. My team joked about making a YouTube remix of some of the more choice quotes and more outrageous/less logical points. I tend to doubt the competency of a team that actually attempts to be hostile with the grieving mother of the dead child. That round actually ceased to be fun, the beatdown was so bad. /Please. Beat downs are always fun./

Beyond that, my life for the past week has been a slog through preparing for 3 midterms (which ended up all on one day! Oh joy…) and the first half of another one. They actually went pretty well. My International Relations one may have been a bit iffy, but I’m pretty sure I can pick up any slack with the essay part next week. I’m taking another class with my IR professor next semester, which may or may not be good for my GPA, but I don’t really care because it’s his specialty – IR decision making. He actually takes a neuroscience bent on it, looking at decision making from a psychological perspective, which is kind of what I wanted to do coming into college. Excited? You better believe it. /Excited!Alex is super adorbs, btw./

I also made my first full foray into the Demosthenian Literary Society this week. For, well FOREVER, Jack and Susana (both Demosthenians) have been telling me I need to get involved there, but I just haven’t had the time between Mock Trial and Model United Nations. The conversation goes something like this:

ALEX: *RAWR* ARC OF HISTORY TENDS TOWARDS JUSTICE *RAWR* INEXORABLE MARCH OF HUMAN FREEDOM!!!!!!

JACK: Why aren’t you in Demosthenian yet?

ALEX: blah blah blah too much in my schedule blah blah blah

JACK: Search your feelings. You know it to be true. You’re one of us. *descends into chanting ONE OF US! ONE OF US!*

/Oh Lord, no. I like my Alex the way he is. Demosthenians are cray cray. *gets dagger glares from Susie* But also wonderful! Yay Demosthenian!/

So, since they were debating the dissolution of the Student Government Association (and calling out SGA people to speak), I had to go and watch. I actually got up and spoke! /Alex? Giving a speech? That never happens. Except every time he’s allowed./ I thought I was received pretty well, and a few people asked me questions during the speech (including several from Susana – probably just because she could use the opportunity to badger me. I’m onto you, Susana…). /Boyfriend and my roommate are besties. Death besties./ I actually might try and join the Society. It might be a good way to get me out of the rhetoric withdrawals I go through without Mock Trial. Any advice for my petitioning address is welcomed – I’m currently between arguing the value of the unexplainable or better communication through chanting. /Better communication through chanting! You can be a cheerleader!/

There’s my piece. All hail Lindsay the Wonderful!

Alex, aka Boyfriend

Chronicle Number 36: It's Good Boyfriend Isn't Naming These.*

Why is it that life seems to consists of long stretches of doing nothing, then extremely short stretches of frenzied activity? It's not that I don't anticipate my tests- I do. I feel like I'm getting ready in time, and then- BOOM! A million tasks fall upon me.

For instance, I began studying for my biochemistry test about a week ago. This, I would like to inform you, was two weeks away from my test. Starting to study (and I mean legit study, not just read a chapter or go over one's notes) two weeks in advance is a eon for a college student. I thought I was being soooo responsible. I was on it, ready to meet any challenge advanced to me.

The world likes to prove me wrong.

LINDSAY: I've planned for you world, I've got this. You can't throw anything at me now!

THE WORLD: They're so cute when they're optimistic. *CRUSHES HER*

The game is turning out to be a lot of work (I thought it would be, but perhaps not this much) and it's going fast. I guess I just thought the time would be slower, and I would have a little breathing room. My biochemistry class continues to add heaps of information to my load. Every class ends with Garrett staring mutely at me in horror, and then I cry a little.

But I did fairly well in my first round of tests/essays, so I'm making an attempt at optimism.

In other news, apparently the combined effects of biochemistry, history, and psychology create in me a great urge for interpretive dance. This is the only way I feel able to truly share with the world.

The Demosthenian All Night Meeting was last Saturday! I was a little out of it, to be honest, because I had driven to Atlanta that day for rehearsal.

Getting to the ATL wasn't that difficult, but I of course became confused by the signs and nearly went the wrong way a few times. Apparently it's impossible for me to adequately follow google maps.

Rehearsal went well, despite some truly lovely backhanded compliments. I generally ignore those, and move on. What's the point? I think some people just think a person is stupid if she doesn't respond to those, but I think people who do are the true idiots.

Getting back was... interesting, to say the least. As a note to myself and all others inclined to go from Atlanta to Athens, apparently you need different directions to go to Atlanta than the ones you need to get back. You know what I'm talking about- usually you can just follow the directions backward, but in this case- does not work.

Or maybe I'm just directionally challenged.

Either way, it ends up with this:

ROAD: No, you CANNOT go this way.

LINDSAY: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

OTHER DRIVERS: WHAT IS SHE DOING?!?!?!?!?!

For the record, I apologize. But in my defense, the other drives are generally even dumber than me... Which really just exacerbates the situation.

Anywhoozle, I got back to Athens safely enough, only marred by a raging headache and horrible knots in my right shoulder. (Which you, Boyfriend, are welcome to fix at any time.**)

This brings me to the All Night Meeting. I don't really know how to describe it.... At least not in a way that will truly do them justice.

First of all, I'd just like to put out into the universe that Susana did an excellent job planning the whole thing. I suppose the long nights and the successive insanity were all worth it in the end. I, of course, did not stay for the whole thing. I was pretty tired from all the driving, so I was pretty much ready to beat it by about 11.

There were three speakers, the first of which was one of Susie's drama professors. He was hilarious, interspersing monologues he had done with his speech. The second and third were more serious, the former concerning breadth in education and the latter focusing on death in literature as an extended metaphor for real life.

Wow, I just read that again and it sounded awful.

I promise, it was actually really cool. It was a "you had to be there" moment.***

The rest of my time has been spent mainly gaming it up and studying for biochem. At some point I'm going to have to fit in studying for a psychology test... While doing eleven hours of rehearsal.... And planning a speech....

OhmygoshI'mgoingtodie.

*When asked to think of a title, his response was "I dunno."

**Boyfriend! Oh, Boyfriend! BOYFRIEND! Stop reading over my shoulder and do something useful.

***This comment thoughtfully provided by Boyfriend. See, he can be creative!

Chronicle Number 35: Oh Look! Bees!

My life... is like a leaf. A leaf upon the wind, thrown and buffeted every which way, with no ability to choose or prepare for the next gust! I float, I spin, I weave!

No... My life... is like a teakettle. Full of boiling energy and furor! Building up to the inevitable shriek! Dedicated to making tasty hot beverages!

Actually, that isn't right. I am not dedicated to making tasty hot beverages.

Perhaps my life is like a... An old purse. Full of fun surprises, like that old five dollar bill that you forgot about, but also full of terrible surprises, like that old piece of candy that you forgot about that is now melted and stuck to the five dollars, and also your hand.

Or maybe my life is like a shiny piece of aluminum foil, attempting to distract a squirrel (you) from the fact that I haven't blogged in forever.

Last week and the week before consisted of my first hell week. I call it just one, because I had an essay due on Thursday, a test on Friday, then two tests on the Tuesday and Wednesday of the next week. During this time I also had 5 hour rehearsal for the Georgia Chamber Choir and rehearsals for the St. Matthew Passion with the Collegium.

School is hard, but I'm attempting to get by. The only class that really worries me is biochemistry. I got a reasonably okay grade on the first test, but I still wasn't happy about it.

My professor is pretty good, if exceedingly difficult. There's only one really bad problem.

I'm looking at you, Nilla Wafer.

You see, dear audience, my friend Wes (forever referred to as "Nilla Wafer" because he is white and skinny) and our lovely friend Ben (forever referred to as "Ben" because he might kill me if I gave him a nickname. And he could do it. With one hand.) decided to tell Garret and me all about Dr. Adams during our time in Cortona.

These stories always consisted of them imitating Dr. Adams accent.

It's some sort of cockney/British/American hybrid, I think. There really isn't any way for me to get it across in text. Suffice it to say that now any time Dr. Adams says "Okay, let's get started" (every class) or "acetyl CoA" or a myriad of other trigger words, Garret and I have to fight the urge to laugh hysterically.

Sometimes this could be explained away, because I feel it is understandable to laugh hysterically after being taught the entirety of the TCA cycle in one lecture. In these cases, a student has a choice- laugh hysterically or cry hysterically. But other times, there is just no reason, and disrupting class because your teacher said "arachidonic acid" funny is generally frowned upon.

Other than that, my classes seem to be going well. I love People Parasites and Plagues, even if my teacher scares me a little. She's just generally that cool. I feel she could slay me with a well-raised eyebrow.

In history, we are starting a game! A reenactment! I am Mabel Dodge, Muse of Fifth Avenue! I must gather as many Personal Influence Points as possible! I get to design a mail box in which people can leave me notes and bribes. I also have my own day of class, in which I set the topic and decide who speaks. Basically, I am ballin'.

Jordan is Emma Goldman. She's an anarchist. Also, she has a hobo lover. I feel this is a very important detail.

I feel this blog post is winding down in quality. That's usually a sign that I should stop. In closing, let me say, Happy belated Valentine's Day to everyone! In the spirit of St. Valentine, be lovely to everyone every day, but please don't be a martyr. Stoning is not allowed in Lindsaytopia.

Oh, you're ask when I'll post again? Well, that's a difficult question, what's that behind you? Bees?

...

Chronicle Number 34: The Perfect Vacation; Small Animal Sacrifice, Vultures, and Balloons!

Yeah, yeah I know. I've been remiss in my blogging. Somehow, I think you'll survive.

I haven't written in the new year. So far, it's been okay. I'm really hoping that this one is a better one. I do have a lot of things to be excited about in 2011, but there are also some worrisome events in the future...

However, worry is stupid. It really isn't doing anything for me, is it? All it does is take my energy away from finding solutions and dealing with what is happening right now.

In the weeks since I last wrote, it has pretty much been a mix of a lot happening and nothing happening. I spent New Year's in Athens. I love my friends. Only we would bring in the New Year by watching football (please don't ask, don't talk about it, I know and it makes me want to cry) and playing board games. We tried to go Hispanic dancing, but that turned into an epic fail- the place was closed, even though there was a facebook event and fliers. Sadness. We made it fun, though, and Boyfriend was sweet enough to drive in from Chattanooga. Ferguson, the Intrepid English Man and Boyfriend's Bestie, took offense to this, but you know what I say?

LINDSAY: Pbbbbt. You didn't make plans, so I get him.
FERGUSON: I'm cranky. And English.

On New Year's Day, Susana and I set off for Orlando, accompanied by Susie's brother Daniel (Intrepid Teenage Muscleman) and her cousin Alfredo.

Orlando was... Fun. We got there about 12:30AM, because of a combination of crappy travel occurrences. First of all, it rained nearly the whole way. Secondly, we hit a couple patches of bad traffic. It also took forever for us to get dinner. Anywho, we got to the... place... very late. I think I shall call this part of the chronicle:

ADVENTURES IN THE LAND OF DISCOUNT BALLOONS

Our condo was in a very strange area of Florida. Some might call it ghettoville. It was pretty much just on the four lane highway, and the side of the road was filled with crazy shops that were covered in murals. These murals were mainly American Flags or safari animals. We attempted to get to a place we could sleep. The way it worked was that we had to call the office and get the code for the drop box, which would contain a key and directions to our condo.

We couldn't find the box.

We aimlessly drove around for awhile, convinced that we would be eventually kidnapped and sold into slavery. We decided to sell Daniel and Alfredo to save ourselves, because Daniel is prettier than us and Alfredo cannot speak English. Finally we called the office again. We made Daniel talk this time.

DANIEL: Where is this office?! And please don't let my sister sell me.
RANDOM WORKER: I think I'll give you really bad directions. Not because I hate you, but because I am an idiot.
DANIEL: I'll take what I can get. I don't want to die.

So we drove around some more, now with a slight idea how to find the place. On the way, this exchange took place:

DANIEL: Susie, where are we staying, anyway?
SUSANA: It's called Florida Magic.
DANIEL: The Lord of Magic?
SUSANA: ...Yes.
DANIEL: You've killed us all.

The best part of this is that there was a shop that had a huge wizard on the top of it. Susana nearly told Daniel that he had to stay there.

Anyway, we finally got to the box, got our keys, and got to the condo. Then we got to the really "interesting" part.

It was a strange mix of grandiose and crappy. It was huge, with four bedrooms and three baths, a kitchen, a den, and a sort of sitting room. The furniture was really nice, even though it kind of looked like someone had time-traveled to the Victorian Era and brought back couches, then reupholstered them in velor. Also, there was a dark red stain on one of the couch's arms, which we termed the "small animal sacrifice" spot.

Susana and I pictured it as a lot of "Oh s***" moments. For instance, the TV didn't quite work, and the walls were really thin. And the flooring in my room wasn't laid quite properly, so whenever I walked on certain spots the wood buckled. In Susana's room, the bed and the dresser didn't really both fit. So the dresser was pushed in front of the window, which might have been fine except for the whole "giant Victorian furniture" think I was telling you about. The mirror completely covered the window- all you could see was the top edge.

But all of this was really fine. It was actually the perfect combination, because none of it was truly bad- we could just laugh about it all. So the next day, we drove past the flock of vultures in our parking lot (yes. The flock. Of vultures. In our parking lot.) and went to Universal.

Universal itself was really awesome. Harry Potter World was great, in spite of the crazy amounts of crowd. I tried butterbeer, pumpkin juice- the gamut. I would actually like to go back at a time when there might not be so many people, but I don't know when that would be. It was really nice to go with a bunch of people who really wanted to do all the roller coasters. (Note- the Rip Ride Rock it. Epic.)

On the second day we had to go to the Florida Magic office and turn in our registration sheet. Susie and I went in. The lady there was pretty interesting. She was wearing clothes that she should not have been wearing, and she had the most ridiculous hair I'd ever seen. We asked her a couple questions, she seemed perfectly nice. Then this happened:

LINDSAY: So do we have to wash the dishes?
LADY: Naw, just let us take care of that!
SUSANA: Thanks! And sorry about getting this in late!
LADY: That's alright, my loves. *creepy smile*
LINDSAY AND SUSANA: *twin looks of horror*

We immediately tried to leave. Susana attempted to open the door. It wouldn't open. She tried the other. No dice. She frantically began shaking it. I saw the descent of my life into slavery in the Ukraine and my eventual death flash before my eyes.

Thankfully, the door finally gave in. I think it sensed our growing desperation. We ran, escaping our captors narrowly.

But the rest of the trip was fine! Except for traffic in Atlanta, we didn't really have any problems getting back.

I got home, hung out with my mom. We went out one day to celebrate her new job. Then I headed back to Athens. Boyfriend cooked me dinner on Saturday (he's a gem) and then on Sunday I was promptly snowed into my apartment. That's when the whole "absolutely nothing" comes into play. It was fun for awhile, but by Thursday I was really happy to go to class.

This first week of class has been okay. I don't know quite how I feel about things yet. There's been a little drama with classes, but so far it's been fine. I think I now have everything together. I'm only taking 12 hours, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I've still got four classes (for science majors that's a lot) and it looks like all of my tests/essays are going to be falling in the same weeks. So I might die, but what's the fun of school without fear of imminent mortality? No fun at all, I'm telling you.

I leave you now, with

The Lord of Magic!

Chronicle Number 33: Epic Year In-Review

A post about my week I could write,

About shopping and baking and talking all night,

But instead from Jordan I have decided to thieve,

An idea for a post that I truly believe

Might not be funny- but I don't really care,

It's my blog! Don't like it? Find other fare.

So here it is, without further ado

Lindsay's Epic Year In-Review.

This year was harsh. Socially it was awesome. Academically it was the worst of my life. I'm not really going to go into that, because if you know then you know, and if you don't then you probably don't need to hear about it. But I have great friends, great family, and a great boyfriend. I know that I depend on you all to get me through, and you've done your job admirably. Sometimes I think that I shouldn't rely so much on you, but I think that we all depend on each other, so maybe it's okay. Anywhoozle, I have to thank everyone for the support.

Music of the Year:

1. The Decemberists continue as my favorite band of all time. I know some people do not appreciate Colin Meloy's genius, *coughAlexcough* but I do.

2. As pretty much everyone else has said, Mumford and Sons has entered my existence and there is no going back.

3. Florence + the Machine- I just wish there was more of her.

4. Lady Gaga. She is controversial and much hated, and let me tell you- I was sort of one of the haters. But I just couldn't resist, and I don't really care who's judging me. *coughMarkcough*

5. This year I've been introduced to a lot of music that is old to the world but new to me. It's been fun to be introduced to bands by Jordan, Susana, and Alex that I'm really enjoying. Among these are the Kaiser Chiefs, Pearl Jam, Five Iron Frenzy, and the Strokes.

Books/Authors of the Year:

I actually haven't read that much this year, which is sad. At least, not a lot of what I've read has stuck out. Here are my top picks:

1. Juliet Marillier, Daughter of the Forest- This book is fantastic. Some of the events might not be palatable for people, especially young ones, but I encourage anyone to give it a chance. It's so good that it's almost bad- I've now read the sequels and am sometimes disappointed, because they just aren't as epic.

2. Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant- Rees Brennan really hit her stride in this book. The first was good, but I don't think it's exactly a book for the masses. This book, the second in a planned trilogy, was funny and tragic all at the same time. I will continue being a fan girl.

3. Scott Westerfeld, Leviathan- This book gets me purely for the world building. It's fantastic. Erin gave me it for Christmas and Nick gave me the sequel. I can't wait to dive in.

4. N.K. Jemisin, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms- Fantastic. Fan-freaking-tastic. I don't have words for how amazing this book is. Probably my top book of the year.

5. Karen Healey, Guardian of the Dead- I loved the heroine, I loved the world-building, and I loved the mythology. Exactly the right book for me.

Television of the Year:

Well, this isn't even going to be a list. Because while I do watch a bunch of shows (I should probably cut down) there is really only one that I cannot live without. And that is Chuck. Please, please, please, do not get cancelled. I am a super fan, and I love it bunches. Everyone should watch it to make sure my darling show does not go away.

I do admit to an epic love of Merlin on the BBC, however. I do feel bad- I don't wait to watch it in the US, I find it on the internet.

General Events:

1. Italy. I went to Italy. At times I still miss it, and still desperately want to be there.

2. I joined Collegium Musicum, which was nerve-wracking and terrifying, but I'm so glad I did it. I missed singing.

3. I did a bunch of things with my mom! I love my mom, you know. She's so awesome. I should talk to her more, and make lists of things to talk about in this blog that involve her. Wait, she did that for me. :) It was cute. I came downstairs last week and found my list of things to talk about in my blog had a few items added, all ending with "_____ with Mom."

Of course, I can't really cover every important thing that happened to me this year. It would be impossible, and you would get tired of reading.

The last entry this will be

But not, my friends, for eternity!

Only until the year does turn,

Then I'll be back, with words to burn.

Laughter and smiles will surely ensue,

From new experiences I'll relate to you.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year,

Don't fret, for Lindsaytopia soon will be here.

Chronicle Number 32: Maybe More Than Slightly Crazy

Dear Boyfriend,

What does one do when one has nothing to do? In the last week I have watched a ridiculous amount of bad television, done a few useful activities, and read five new books. But I am bored, bored out of my mind (not that it takes much to get out of my mind... the borders are very thin here...) and I can't think of what to do. I'm feeling very lazy from my horrible semester, but being lazy makes me bored. And being bored makes me sad. I am sad, Boyfriend. Fix it.

In this last week without you, what have I done, you ask? Well, I have not been very busy. As I've told you, all I do is read read read no matter what what what, which is considerably less kick@$$ than win win winning no matter what what what.

On Thursday, the intrepid slayer of vile beasties came to visit me. This was pretty anti-climactic. As you well know, I live with Megan. Someone you live with coming to visit you is not actually that exciting. Even though Megan is always exciting! Ahem.

Anywho, that was super fun. We went shopping, meeting Corinners at the mall. Oh! Corinners is no longer the intrepid teenage sidekick. She has been demoted. No, I'm just kidding. She is no longer a teenager. So apparently I have to think of a new name for her. The trials of being an empress, I tell you. They never end.

Back to Megan. I'll tell you all the exciting things we did. We fought a dragon, and saved a damsel, and made friends with the dragon, and found out that the damsel was really annoying so we made a giant taco out of her and fed her to the dragon, and the dragon proclaimed, as all sane people/dragons should, that tacos are the best food in the world.

Okay, that didn't really happen. But we did partake of the best food in the world, and then we curled up under a blanket on the couch and read until the wee hours of the morning. We are party animals, I tell you. Party. Animals.

On Friday we went to the traditional caroling. And you know what I found out, Boyfriend? Everyone wants to talk about you. They want you to visit again.

I find this highly insulting.

I am visiting! Their empress, the most high! They should want to talk to me! But noooo, instead they seek news of Boyfriend!

Okay, I'm not that insulted. I guess you're kind of cool, and I guess that if I like you other people might as well. I'm old news. You're new news.

This pattern continued on Sunday at church. There was also a children's Christmas play, during the service, which was fun. I almost died of the adorableness, but that's a completely different issue.

That night I had my scholarship dinner. I wait on the edge of a knife... Fear curls itself around my toes...

I miss you, Boyfriend, and it annoys me. You should fix that too, while you're fixing me being sad. You should also fix the fact that I seem to be growing steadily more insane, as you can see from this letter blog. Being all alone watching marathons of bad television is bad for me.

Well, I should go. Those books won't read themselves!

Your Maybe-more-than-slightly-crazy-Girlfriend,

Lindsay

PS. Please continue to accept and adore my crazy.

PPS. Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 31: Wise Counselor and Favorite Person of the Empress

My dearest Jordan,

I am writing to you because you are my biggest fan. I know that you are probably mad at me, because I haven't updated in two weeks, but I also know that you understand.

It is probably a horrible thing, but your upsetness gratifies me a bit. Of all the people in my life, I know that you are the one who truly wants to hear the wise words of your divinely ordained ruler. No one but you, sweet Jordan, yelled at me about not blogging. Not Boyfriend, not intrepid teenage sidekick, not the Hispanic goddess, and not the destroyer of vile beasties. No one loves me but you, dearest Jordan. In return, I'm giving you a title. From now on, you are Jordan, Wise Counselor and Favorite Person of the Empress.

The worst part of this is that I haven't seen you for the last two weeks, not really. This was very sad for me.

If it makes you feel better, I really haven't done that much except study. It was extremely boring. Last weekend I spent making my poster for HerbFest, which is what the candy was for. You know that, because I saw you there. What you weren't there for was my crafting of my lovely candy covered poster.

I can't write about this anymore. I'm so bored I might cry, and if I'm that bored it means that you're that bored, and we can't have my favorite person wallowing in boredom. That would be simply uncool.

I have mixed feelings about exams. They are over, so I guess there is nothing else I can do, and I shouldn't worry. That doesn't stop me from it, though.

After exams were over, I cleaned the apartment. That is because I decided that for Boyfriend and my 8 month anniversary, I was going to plan the date.

I am the best date planner ever.

First, I made him dinner. T'was awesome. (Even though I set off the fire alarm. Oops.)

BOYFRIEND: You are the best date planner ever. You light up my life.

Okay, he didn't really say that. But I do light up his life... If only with fire.

I had planned the date perfectly. He had no idea! All of my conversations with him were soooo sneaky.

*Note, this is a real text message exchange. Except for Boyfriend's responses, which got deleted from my phone, and thus are a mixture of memory and pure fabrication*

LINDSAY: Just to let you know, I am planning an awesome date. ;)

BOYFRIEND: Something I can't remember.

LINDSAY: In something completely unrelated, what vegetables do you like?

BOYFRIEND: Really long list. Apparently I love vegetables.

LINDSAY:...which do you like best?

BOYFRIEND: Green beans and broccoli are probably my standbys.

LINDSAY: Any other favorite foods?

BOYFRIEND: Something about Italian. Which is not helpful at all, because Italians have so much freaking food.

LINDSAY: How do you feel about steak? Not that you would get any.

BOYFRIEND: I love steak. Even though I'm not getting any.

LINDSAY: Good. Not for any reason, of course.

BOYFRIEND: Of course not.

LINDSAY: You like steak, I like steak. We're perfect.

I'm seriously like a ninja. Except I know they actually wore dark blue, and I don't think that an entire outfit of navy is fashion forward.

After dinner, we went to the Town and Gown production of The Rocky Horror Show. It was really fun, even though it was crazy raunchy. I have to thank you for that, because you helped me find the event. Without you, I would have been sunk.

The show was wonderful, and then we got to see you at bowling. It was bowling. There really isn't anything to say after that, except that our Lady Gaga interpretive dance should go down in History of Awesome Moments. Maybe we should take our act on the road.

Saturday was spent helping Susie with Demosthenian stuff, watching movies with Boyfriend, and doing normal laundry/packing/getting ready to go things. Saturday night was a Christmas Party, and I'm telling you, Jordan- our new goal in life is to get Susie to play charades with us. I'm telling you, Jordan. We could die happy.

Well, I'm at home now, and Mom is calling me to dinner, so I should wrap this up. I lovales you, Jordan, and I miss you!

Your Empress,

Lindsay

PS. Don't worry! Lindsaytopia is near! It will involve Susana doing charades. Hilarious.

Chronicle Number 30: CSI Lindsaytopia; Evidence of My Crazy

I'm late. I realize this. I almost didn't try and update, but I figured that Jordan might become a tiny tornado of anger if I skipped a whole week again. And if she's a tiny tornado of anger, then things just suck. People being angry makes things difficult for me, and as I really hate difficult things, I try and avoid it.

Besides, you probably didn't want to hear about last week. After the test on Tuesday, I spent oodles of my time writing an essay analyzing death statistics. It was awful, and it took me hours and hours. Thankfully, Boyfriend and I are at the point in our relationship where I am slowly feeling more comfortable breaking the cardinal rule of new relationships, "Never Give Evidence of Your Crazy."

LINDSAY: *calls Boyfriend* You have to come over here.
BOYFRIEND: Why?
LINDSAY: I need you.
BOYFRIEND: Of course I will come, but out of curiosity- why do you need me?
LINDSAY: So many things. But mainly right now to sit on my bed as I shriek and rip at my hair- I mean- work on my essay.

So he came over and sat, it was probably very boring for him. I really did need him! I needed him to sit and make stern faces at me when I attempted to distract him with my newest discovery- VeryMaryKate.com. You may think that I could use many of my friends for this, but the truth is that I am too wily for them. If my girlfriends try to make stern faces at me, I just distract them with gossip about Boyfriend. He is quite the Hot Topic.

I finished my essay, then proceeded to get not enough sleep. Again. Don't deride me, I know. 6 1/2 hours is like a coma to most college students, but not to me. I need my 8 hours, or else I am even more crazy, and I start berating Corinne about dying of malnutrition. Trust me, it is no fun for anyone.

Thursday night, (after turning in the dreaded essay) we went to the midnight premier of Harry Potter. This would have been perfectly fine, except I was already grumpy from lack of sleep, and I made the mistake of telling the professor I'm going to research with that I would meet him at 10 in the morning.

Harry Potter was actually very well done, and I recommend it to anyone who has doubts.

Friday morning I got through the meeting okay. Thankfully, I was actually coherent through the whole thing. My worries were all assuaged. For instance, I was really worried about the summary I have to provide for the biochemistry department.

DR. AWESOME: Do you want me to write a summary of what you're doing and send it to your adviser?

I was also nervous about whether I would be assigned to a project right off the bat.

DR. AWESOME: You won't be assigned a to a project immediately.

And that I would be bad at things.

DR. AWESOME: Everyone's bad at some things. We'll design a project for you based on your strengths.

So I was pretty ecstatic. Then I was pretty exhausted, so I sneaked into Myers and napped on Boyfriend's bed.

I headed back home on Saturday... Not much really went on, except for multiple episodes of candy making, with variable levels of success. I actually thought that was what this whole entry would be about, but I don't think it was that funny if you couldn't see it. Dialogue mostly consisted of

LINDSAY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

and

QUEEN MOTHER: Is it supposed to do that?

and

LINDSAY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

You get the point. Children, it is harder than it may seem to make candy.

Now I'm in Atlanta, at Thanksgiving with my dad's family. It's only me, Dad, and my aunt and uncle. It's small, but it's been fun. We all ate a ridiculous amount of Turkey, and my aunt's squash casserole is a gift from God.

I wish you all a happy Turkey Day, and remember to be thankful-

For Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 29: Susana, Hispanic Goddess

Another week has passed by, and I am with you again. I no longer have Collegium, (Sunday was our last concert) so I am brought to you from the comfort of my own apartment common room. We'll see if this is more or less helpful to my creative process.

What is my creative process, you ask?

Well, I pretty much make a list of stuff that happened to me lately, and then I write about it. Sometimes, if it isn't interesting enough, I write scenarios as I wish they had happened. Kind of like this:

How Things Really Went Down:

Ernesto the feral cat walks by my bench.
LINDSAY: *types away in blog*
ERNESTO: *disdainfully ignores Lindsay*

How I Believe In My Heart Things Went Down

Ernesto the feral cat walks by my bench.
LINDSAY: Here, kitty kitty kitty!
ERNESTO: YOWL!
LINDSAY: Ernesto attacked me! He wants my blood! I can see it in his feral kitty face!

Truly, I know not to approach feral cats. They are wild animals, and I know not what they will do.

Why do I keep talking about this? Le sigh.

Last week was pretty low key. After Monday I felt a lot better, but I was still tired all the time, and all I wanted to do was nap and drink sprite. I also did a lot of cross-stitching.

Yes, you read that right. I'm like 80 years old on the inside.

Friday night was especially sad. Boyfriend left on Thursday for a mock trial competition, at which he dominated.

LINDSAY: Boyfriend, Boyfriend! He's our guy! Close that case and make girls cry! Gooooooooo Boyfriend!

He really did make a girl cry once in mock trial. But that was not really his fault.

Anywhoozle, Friday, I was all, "wah wah, Boyfriend is gone." Then-

LINDSAY: Oh no.
SUSANA, HISPANIC GODDESS: What?
LINDSAY: I am one of those girls. I have nothing to do without Boyfriend!

But Susana, Hispanic Goddess, reminded me that it is okay to miss Boyfriend on the weekends, because I don't see him during the week. Also, I am awesome. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

Saturday was pretty crazy. Susana, Hispanic Goddess, invited me to a dinner and show organized by the Hispanic Student Association. It was really amazing. The food was great (I'm going to bother Susie until she makes me some of those patacones) and the acts they got were great. I saw Colombian dance! Also, a mariachi band! I now demand that Boyfriend learn how to play a giant guitar. I'll find a way to make it happen.

BOYFRIEND: Lindsay, where did my guitar disappear to?
LINDSAY: I utterly and completely have no idea! Here, play this giant one while I go look for it!

Afterward, there was an after party at one of the clubs downtown. Susana, Hispanic Goddess, had friends that were going, so we decided to go as well. First we popped by a Demosthenian (Susie's debate society) party. It was good to meet some of the people Susana, Hispanic Goddess, talks about.

So yes, Saturday was my first club experience! Yes, I live in Athens. No, I had never actually been to a club before. I just never found it worth the trouble, and apparently a lot of the good ones you have to be 21 (I think) and I don't have a fake ID. Nor do I desire one.

But this club was fun. Susana, I'm tired of typing this title, tried to teach me to Hispanic dance, which was an epic fail. I don't know why anyone expects that teaching me to dance would not be an epic fail.

For future reference, asking me to: dance, roller skate, ice skate, ski, surf, skateboard, water-ski, bowl, trapeze, walk a tight-rope, do anything requiring me to throw any object, do anything requiring me to kick any object, do anything requiring me to catch any object, bicycle or pretty much anything that requires some semblance of balance or coordination- these are all probably going to be epic fails.

But still, my awesomeness still conquers all. If nothing else, I'm pretty sure that my epic fails will be hilarious. Even if I end up breaking my tailbone.

With that, I leave you-

Waiting for Lindsaytopia

Chronicle Number 28: Oh, Dear Ernesto!

As you well know, I did not update my blog last Tuesday. The world shuddered on its axis for a moment, but then stabilized and moved on. I have been instructed by the Fabulous Fashion Goddess (Jordan) that this one must be awesome. It is a requirement for our continued friendship.

How can I take this pressure? Do you know what this is like? Can you understand?!

No. You can't. Because you don't know what it is like. You can't possibly comprehend the weight of tens of people's adoration. I have so much to prove!

At times, the burden is too much. I just can't take it. I must crawl into a hole behind LeConte and curl up with my dear feral cat friend, who expects nothing and gives me nothing.

LINDSAY: Oh, dear Ernesto! (for this is what I have named Feral Cat)
ERNESTO: Meow. (Translation: I hate you.)
LINDSAY: Only you want nothing from me!
ERNESTO: Meow meow. (Translation: You look like you are going to steal my tuna. Back away slowly.)
LINDSAY: I can tell by your sweet voice that you want me to come closer.
ERNESTO: Rowl! (Translation: I'm going to eat your face!)

Ernesto will come around someday.*

Where shall I start?

Last week and the week before were spent studying like crazy. First for my history test, and then for my genetics test.

Also, interminable time was spend in my biochemistry class. That, my friends, is because of the Lecture That Would Not End.

The Lecture That Would Not End was a terrible thing. I now have the most boring professor in my scholastic history, possibly the scholastic history of the world. Every Tuesday and Thursday, time seems to slow down to a crawl and he talks until I want to die.

On a specific day, he came to the end of one set of slides. We were ahead on the syllabus, and poor pitiful Garrett thought that maybe we would get out early.

Garrett was wrong.

The Professor began a new set of slides! He then proceeded to make simple concepts the most confusing known to man.

He only finished that lecture this morning.

And then... New slides!

I have to stop, because I'm getting bored just thinking about it. This disease of boring is probably catching. I got it from him, and now I'm communicating it across the internet straight into your hearts! THE HORROR.

Thursday night, after the genetics test, Boyfriend took me to an aerial dance show! It was really awesome. It was Date Night for the Foundation Fellows and Ramsey Scholars. Yes, you read that right. Date Night.

Apparently every year, this show lets them come in for the dress rehearsal. They are then encouraged to bring their significant other.

Obviously this is a scheme. They think I don't see through them, but I do. The Honors Program wants the smart people to date so they will be properly socialized, then eventually marry someone, and then have genius babies who are loyal to UGA!

This is an attempt to create a genius army to foil my world takeover. It is as plain as the nose on my face.

I shared my revelation with Boyfriend. He was not as supportive as I would have liked.

LINDSAY: ...Don't you see it?!
BOYFRIEND: You're crazy.
LINDSAY: You wound me.

Speaking of Boyfriend, Saturday his parents came down for the game and we had a tailgate. It was fun. They got to meet our crazy friends, who were all remarkably sane for the occasion.

The game was fine. We won. It was a little bit boring, though. After a certain point, we had our third string in, so the a lot fans were leaving.

After the game we went back and saw Boyfriend's parents some more. His mom gave me a lot of food, which was awesome. She can obviously tell that the way into my heart is through food.

About mid-afternoon, I started to feel a little bit cruddy. At first I thought it was about allergies, because I wasn't around anyone sick.

Saturday night I didn't really sleep. Sunday, Collegium headed to Augusta for our joint-concert with DFA. I really thought about calling Dr. Andaya and telling her I felt awful, but I couldn't.

We got to Augusta and practiced for a long time. My voice was almost completely gone, and I felt like I had a fever. During the actual concert, I felt like I was shaking and freezing, and I couldn't really concentrate.

I got through it, though. Yesterday I stayed home from class and rested, and today I feel much better. This week is pretty light, so I have some time to relax.

And that brings us to today! I'll try to have some crazy times this week to entertain you all. I hope this was epic enough for Fabulous Fashion Goddess. If not, I'm sorry. But remember-

Lindsaytopia is near!**

*None of this actually happened. Except in my heart.

**Disclaimer: This angel cat is not Ernesto The Cat. Ernesto is feral and terrifying, and not to be approached.

Chronicle Number 27: It's Gettin' Hot in Here, So- Oh Jeez I'm Going to Die

It is hot in here. I feel the need to tell you that it is LIKE A SAUNA IN MY APARTMENT.

I might expire.

You might say, "Turn on the air-conditioning, Lindsay!"

To that, I reply "AIR CONDITIONING IS FOR THE WEAK."

Our windows are all open, and it's lovely outside, but for some reason all that lovely air is not entering. However, it is making it very hard to study. Speaking of that, I should probably be doing more of that right now, but I'm hot and tired and I promised myself I would update every Tuesday.

See? I'm being good.

Aigh, my butt keeps sticking to this chair. This is highly uncomfortable.

Gah, Corinne is laughing at me. I'm so tragically misunderstood.

But you lovely 5 people who read this did not come here to read about me whining about the temperature. You came to read me waxing eloquently about various Subjects That Matter, such as World Peace and Harsher Punishments for Parole Violators.

Or maybe you came to read about demon squirrels, whatever.

This weekend Brianna visited me! My dearest bud from faraway journeyed miles to arrive at my door, carrying a blue suitcase and an excellent jacket. She regaled me with tales of a strange kingdom called Japan, and updated me on the status of Baby Bunny Boat, otherwise known as her boyfriend, Scot.

She met Boyfriend, and seems to approve. Boyfriend says he likes her. Of course, Boyfriend knows what and what not to say.

We went to Megan's dance show, which was epic! Megan looked great. Megan performing also means that her mom came down. She brought us food! I have decided that everything she makes tastes of rainbows and happiness.

Fun stuff has happened in the last week, just nothing that is really easily turned into fun stories. I might also just not be feeling creative, seeing as I'm being baked.

I'm sorry, I can't concentrate in this horror. I never said every Tuesday update would be good.

Until next time, remember-

Lindsaytopia is watching you.

Chronicle Number 26: Enter Stage Left, A Vile Beastie

Hello! I'm like a particularly bad case of the flu- contagious and back with a vengeance! I might even make you vomit... With laughter!

I know that you have been waiting with baited breath for my words. You should stop this, because not breathing is bad. It causes problems, and I don't like problems. The only people who shouldn't be breathing are Corinne and Erin, and only on cold dewy mornings when I instruct them to cease respiration, because if they don't I won't be able to see out the windshield and we shall all die. Besides, only the driver needs to be conscious, right? Right.

Last week wasn't so bad. But brace yourself for next Tuesday's blog. This week=HORROR.

That's an important equation. Remember it.

So, after last Tuesday's blog, I spent most of my time until Thursday working on my history presentation. I'm not even going to go into what it was about, because it was super confusing and you probably don't want me to explain it to you. It would take 20 minutes.

Also, last week I was sick . I don't know what it was but the symptoms manifested themselves as a slight cough, throat ache, and MIND-NUMBING EXHAUSTION. I felt sick, but not terribly so, and I thought I should be able to do things. But instead, I wanted to fall over and go to the sweet sweet sugar land of my dreams.

This is not conducive to activity. I BLAME YOU, BOYFRIEND.

LINDSAY: Lalala, I have avoided all of the sickness of my roommates! I have the best immune system ever!
BOYFRIEND: *cough*
LINDSAY: Waaaaiiiiiit... You're ill. Get away from me.
BOYFRIEND: No I'm not. I'm fine, really!
LINDSAY: Okay...
BOYFIEND: No, really, I'm fine. Look at me, I'm so reasonable, blah blah blah. Give me a smooch.
LINDSAY: I believe you, I'm a naturally trusting person. *smooch*

DAYS LATER:

LINDSAY: *cough cough hack hack*

It is all his fault. I demand shiny things to make up for this.

I managed to get my presentation finished, in spite of great adversity all caused by Boyfriend. Then I gave him, Erin and Corinne the presentation for practice and he was mean to me.

Okay, that isn't true, I was just touchy. Sorry, Boyfriend.

The presentation went okay, I guess. I was very worried about it, and I felt gross while giving it.

MY PERCEPTION OF THIS PRESENTATION:

LINDSAY: Marghle barghle confusion confusion *snore*

BUT ACCORDING TO MY TEACHER AND FELLOW STUDENTS, IT WENT MORE LIKE THIS:

LINDSAY: I am extraordinarily eloquent and creative!

Seriously, who knew? ...Don't answer that.

Friday night was Susana's play, and it was awesome! I can't really describe it here, but shout out to her- it was amazing and I loved it and she's the hot theatre goddess of my world. You can quote me on that in your autobiography, Susana.

I went to the football game on Saturday, and we won. I continue never having been to a game we've lost. This obviously means that I am a magical being, probably a gnome or a unicorn. I think "gnome" is more likely.

When I tell you about Sunday, this blog takes a turn from its normal genre. It shall become- a Horror Novel!!!

This Horror Novel!!! consists of a Horror Novel!!! creature.

A... *insert horror music here*

COCKROACH!!!!!!

THERE WAS A COCKROACH ON OUR CEILING.

We couldn't kill it because WE HAVE VAULTED CEILINGS.

Also I AM A WIMP WHO CANNOT APPROACH COCKROACHES. And Boyfriend was far away at a mock trial competition and COULD NOT SLAY THE VILE BEAST FOR ME.

And yes, to answer the question you have- yes. Yes, I would make Boyfriend drive to my apartment from his dorm and kill a roach for me. It is my Sacred Right as a Girl Afraid of Cockroaches.

So Susana, Corinne and I are shrieking, and Megan walks in from outside.

US: MEGAN KILL IT MEGAN FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT.
MEGAN: Um, what?

We explained the problem. (By "explained," I of course mean "went into hysterics and pointed.")

While they devised a plan, I ran around in circles. Literally. We were finally victorious using a broom, a blanket, and several shoes. Don't ask. Henceforth, Megan will be known as "Intrepid Young Adult Slayer of Vile Beasties."

Don't judge me. I'm not proud.

I would talk about boring studying that went on, but I really don't think that anything will top this tale of the Vile Beastie, so I'm going to stop.

Until next time- Lindsaytopia is with you!

Chronicle Number 25: Empress and Poet Laureate? It's All Too Much!

Behind LeConte Hall
Stalked by mangy felines
I update again.

For some reason, I felt it best that it be stated in the form of a haiku. Maybe it will become a theme.

Much has happened in the last week. Actually, it seems that it has been a week of extreme inactivity punctuated with episodes of bustle.

Before Thursday night
Our Hero was studying
Must not fail a test.

Thursday night was my second genetics test, which I felt I did pretty well on. Not great, but okay. Hopefully we'll get the tests back tomorrow.

Boyfriend came and studied with me (well, he was studying law and I was studying genetics) which was interesting... He was consigned to the edge to read while I had all my books spread out in a circle, my preferred method of study. He didn't complain... much. Okay, he didn't complain at all, but he's funny when I accuse him of things he didn't do.

Trapped in a Maize Maze
For two-and-a-half hours
AIGH! I am in hell.

Yes. Friday night, I spent hours trapped in a corn maze. It was super fun... For the first hour. I still spent a fun dinner with the Collegium, and it was a good bonding thing. After all, being trapped in hell with someone, it really brings you closer.

Saturday morning
Munching on cinnamon buns
Dressed in red and black.

As Little and Big would say (AKA Jordan and Boyfriend) "FOOOOOOTBAAAAAALL!"

It was fun! Even though I was hot. And we had to park super far away. We won! Every game I've gone to, we've won. Obviously I am magical. And I got a lemon icy thing. Balance is restored.

Dressed up, yet again
Six-month anniversary
I guess I like him.

Yes, yes. It was Boyfriend and my six-months. It doesn't seem that long! But I think I will keep him around.

Sunday with Merlin
Monday in class and with books
Hurray! T'was my week.

Must go, the feline is back.

Chronicle Number 24: Mutant Killer Attack Squirrels

Here I am, sitting here, on a bench outside of LeConte Hall. I'm hanging out, waiting for Collegium to start, and I have run out of things to do on the internet.

Yes. You read that right. I have run out of things to do on the internet. I used to think that was impossible, but as I sat here and gradually rummaged though all the sites I ever go to, and they became more and more, well, embarrassing, I realized there was one thing I haven't done in a long, long time. Write a blog.

I've been avoiding it. There comes a critical point at which it's a bit strange to pick something up after you have left it so long. Also, there is the little voice inside me, who is quite loudly insisting that I am a bad, bad person for not writing for so long.

I try to ignore this little voice. You see, you listen to the little voice (which disney tells you is what is truly in your heart), about blogs and everyone says it's okay, but that one time you listen to it about drawing mutant killer attack squirrels all over your roommates genetics homework, well then everyone is just looking at you like you're crazy.

Ahem. Right.

So much has happened in the past months, that it seems almost pointless to get it all down. I really only have about five more minutes to kill, so I'll be quick.

Went to Italy. AWESOME.

Worked a lot. NOT SO AWESOME.

Am back at school. A MIX OF AWESOME AND SUCK.

Classes seem to be going alright. I joined Collegium Musicum, a choir focusing on early work. I am alternatively terrified and elated.

There is a boyfriend. All of you should have already known that. Though I am no longer the intrepid teenage hero, because I am not a teen, I wonder- is he the intrepid teenage boyfriend? I am not a teen, but he is... In other news, I'm a puma.

I should head to East Campus, but I'll be back.

If I'm not, you know who to blame. (Mutant Killer Attack Squirrels!)

Chronicle Number 23: None of That "Logic" or "Rationality" Here, Please

Dear friends, I am back. Please insert a rambling apology for never writing here: _______.

Okay, done? Well, I guess I'll just dive right in, then.

I'm going to Italy! I'm sure that most of you had heard of this, but I figured I should just inform you again. I'll be setting off on May 8th. My program ends on the 2nd of June, but my intrepid mother will be flying over for two weeks to tour after it finishes. I'm so excited, and it doesn't even seem real. I've been yammering at Corinne to teach me some Italian, but she has been singularly uncooperative. Of course, this probably has more to do with me than with her.

LINDSAY: Cooooriiiiiinne....
CORINNE: (sensing doom) ...Yes?
LINDSAY: Teach me Italian!
CORINNE: Okay, what do you want to know?
LINDSAY: How do you say, "Where's the party"?!
CORINNE: ...No.
LINDSAY: What about, "Dance with me, you fool!"
CORINNE: You fill me with despair.
LINDSAY: Fine. *sigh* How do I find the airport?

She's taught me how ask where the airport is about five times, and I still can't remember.

The last couple months have been completely insane, I tell you. I think I really just forgot this blog even existed. I had a test (or two) every week for five weeks, then spring break, then an organic chemistry test. That adds to me running about like a crazy person trying to get my Italy stuff in, and well... You know what happens. Everything has been a whirlwind.

Things have been going pretty well, with the exception of Microbiology (grrr) and this last O-chem test, but more on that later.

It's been finalized, I'll be living in an apartment next year. I've already signed a lease, and will be living with Susanna, Megan, and Corinne in Lakeside Apartments here in Athens. It's a year-long lease, so I'll probably stay for the summer and take classes. It'll give me some time to fit in fun classes I don't have time for, (like psychology) and maybe retake O-chem 2211 for a better grade.

I'm looking forward to living in an apartment. A lot of people don't really understand why I want to live out of the dorms, and I totally get their perspective. However, Kristina is an RA next year, so she wouldn't be living with us, and I really want to give some other girls the opportunity to live in the suite as well. I've had a great year here, and I want other people to get that experience. Also, it will save me some money to live in an apartment and be off the meal-plan.

As you know, spring break was a couple weeks ago. That was a lot of fun, even if it did kind of knock me out of my test-taking rhythm. We did not get to go to Harry Potter World, because it doesn't open until June 18th. I find it very misleading that they said it would open in the spring. Obviously, I was on spring break, and therefore it was spring, and the park should be open. And June is not, by my estimation, the "spring." June is summer.

And don't give me that hooey about the "calendar" and "solstices" and "the turning of the earth." (Mark, I'm looking at you.) June is the summer and you know what I say to anyone who says differently? PBBBBBBT!

On a more serious note, things have taken a nosedive in my organic chem class. I did so well on the first test (way above the average) and then just bombed the second test. I wouldn't really be sharing this (I don't want to worry anyone) but it really has helped me come to a realization.

This isn't me. I think the reason I did so poorly is that I gave up. I fell back into last semester's pattern of seeing something that was really hard, thinking that I would fail at it, and believing that. I get the impression that a lot of the chemistry professors just don't think that any of us can do this, and they make it very clear that they are expecting a lot of us to fail.

I'm in no way saying that this is all of them. I've had teachers like Dr. Kutal (spring 2009) and Dr. Locklin (now), who genuinely care about us and want us to do well.

But this isn't about them. I've had bad teachers before, and what was my response? "I'll show them." Not "Woe is me, they're right, I'll never succeed," depression, but more of a righteous anger that they underestimated me.

Anywho, I slipped back into giving up, but I'm not going to do that again. Why? Because giving up is easy. Giving up is a cop out. And I don't cop out.

So the experience has been kind of disheartening, but I can come out of this stronger than I was before. Okay, serious speech over.

I miss everybody at home a lot, but I have an optimistic view for the future. I'll be home for Easter!

Remember people, though I may disappear into the mists of the internet for months at a time- Lindsaytopia lives on in the hearts of all.