Chronicle Number 26: Enter Stage Left, A Vile Beastie

Hello! I'm like a particularly bad case of the flu- contagious and back with a vengeance! I might even make you vomit... With laughter!

I know that you have been waiting with baited breath for my words. You should stop this, because not breathing is bad. It causes problems, and I don't like problems. The only people who shouldn't be breathing are Corinne and Erin, and only on cold dewy mornings when I instruct them to cease respiration, because if they don't I won't be able to see out the windshield and we shall all die. Besides, only the driver needs to be conscious, right? Right.

Last week wasn't so bad. But brace yourself for next Tuesday's blog. This week=HORROR.

That's an important equation. Remember it.

So, after last Tuesday's blog, I spent most of my time until Thursday working on my history presentation. I'm not even going to go into what it was about, because it was super confusing and you probably don't want me to explain it to you. It would take 20 minutes.

Also, last week I was sick . I don't know what it was but the symptoms manifested themselves as a slight cough, throat ache, and MIND-NUMBING EXHAUSTION. I felt sick, but not terribly so, and I thought I should be able to do things. But instead, I wanted to fall over and go to the sweet sweet sugar land of my dreams.

This is not conducive to activity. I BLAME YOU, BOYFRIEND.

LINDSAY: Lalala, I have avoided all of the sickness of my roommates! I have the best immune system ever!
BOYFRIEND: *cough*
LINDSAY: Waaaaiiiiiit... You're ill. Get away from me.
BOYFRIEND: No I'm not. I'm fine, really!
LINDSAY: Okay...
BOYFIEND: No, really, I'm fine. Look at me, I'm so reasonable, blah blah blah. Give me a smooch.
LINDSAY: I believe you, I'm a naturally trusting person. *smooch*

DAYS LATER:

LINDSAY: *cough cough hack hack*

It is all his fault. I demand shiny things to make up for this.

I managed to get my presentation finished, in spite of great adversity all caused by Boyfriend. Then I gave him, Erin and Corinne the presentation for practice and he was mean to me.

Okay, that isn't true, I was just touchy. Sorry, Boyfriend.

The presentation went okay, I guess. I was very worried about it, and I felt gross while giving it.

MY PERCEPTION OF THIS PRESENTATION:

LINDSAY: Marghle barghle confusion confusion *snore*

BUT ACCORDING TO MY TEACHER AND FELLOW STUDENTS, IT WENT MORE LIKE THIS:

LINDSAY: I am extraordinarily eloquent and creative!

Seriously, who knew? ...Don't answer that.

Friday night was Susana's play, and it was awesome! I can't really describe it here, but shout out to her- it was amazing and I loved it and she's the hot theatre goddess of my world. You can quote me on that in your autobiography, Susana.

I went to the football game on Saturday, and we won. I continue never having been to a game we've lost. This obviously means that I am a magical being, probably a gnome or a unicorn. I think "gnome" is more likely.

When I tell you about Sunday, this blog takes a turn from its normal genre. It shall become- a Horror Novel!!!

This Horror Novel!!! consists of a Horror Novel!!! creature.

A... *insert horror music here*

COCKROACH!!!!!!

THERE WAS A COCKROACH ON OUR CEILING.

We couldn't kill it because WE HAVE VAULTED CEILINGS.

Also I AM A WIMP WHO CANNOT APPROACH COCKROACHES. And Boyfriend was far away at a mock trial competition and COULD NOT SLAY THE VILE BEAST FOR ME.

And yes, to answer the question you have- yes. Yes, I would make Boyfriend drive to my apartment from his dorm and kill a roach for me. It is my Sacred Right as a Girl Afraid of Cockroaches.

So Susana, Corinne and I are shrieking, and Megan walks in from outside.

US: MEGAN KILL IT MEGAN FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT.
MEGAN: Um, what?

We explained the problem. (By "explained," I of course mean "went into hysterics and pointed.")

While they devised a plan, I ran around in circles. Literally. We were finally victorious using a broom, a blanket, and several shoes. Don't ask. Henceforth, Megan will be known as "Intrepid Young Adult Slayer of Vile Beasties."

Don't judge me. I'm not proud.

I would talk about boring studying that went on, but I really don't think that anything will top this tale of the Vile Beastie, so I'm going to stop.

Until next time- Lindsaytopia is with you!