Chronicles of Nyhoffnia

Chronicle Number 41: Science Has Rules

2011-10-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been nearly six months, hasn't it? It's amazing how things are so different, and yet so much the same. The past month has been especially crazy.

Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I just want to lie down and go to sleep for a month, and sometimes I can't wait for things to get moving... I guess I'm just a study in contradictions. Some things never change.

What can I say about my life, now?

Right now I'm studying for a massive immunology test, but I needed a break. In the last week I've had two papers and two midterms, so I've been a little crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. However, there has not been much screaming or gnashing of teeth, so there's been improvement since freshman year!

I pulled the same stunt that I always do, this semester. See, I'm only technically taking three actual classes, so I was so sure that I would have so much time! I would frolic, and dance, and make all A's really easily!

REAL LIFE: *creeps up on naive Lindsay*
LINDSAY: And I will bake cakes and hang out with Boyfriend and sing all the time and play card games and...
REAL LIFE: *Whacks Lindsay with Sledgehammer of Duty*

I tell you, that Sledgehammer of Duty leaves a rotten bruise. It does it every time, and I never learn.

First of all, I'm in lab about 20 hours a week. I actually really like it, it just takes up a lot of time. It's something that I can see myself doing for a long time. This is good, seeing how it is my life plan.

In actual classlandia, I'm taking Immunology, History of Popular Music, and Introduction to Religious Thought.

Immunology is... well, immunology. It's horrendously complicated and sometimes makes me want to strangle myself...

LINDSAY: The TCR binds to the MHC Class I which activates the CD40 that activates ZAP-70 in turn phosphorylating the ITAM on zeta? Too... Many... Acronyms...
BOYFRIEND: She's crashing! Send in the Glossary!

However, it is pretty interesting stuff. If you had told me that I would be considering doctoral programs in immunology three years ago, I probably would have laughed in your face.

LINDSAY: HA! Major in the one thing I don't understand easily! Pfft. And people call me crazy.

My history class is fun. I'm again taking with Dr. Wolf, who continues to be awesome. I feel kind of bad, because I just took the midterm in that class and I don't think it went that well. I just ran out of time, and instead of writing a shorter, better thought out essay, I kind of just threw in as much information as possible.

It's a crazy amount of work, though. A million readings, a huge research paper. She's definitely not wrong to ask for it, it's a 4000 level class. But I feel like I'm constantly slipping a little, because I just don't have the time. Then again, I seem to be the only one who is trying at all, so there's that.

WOLF, DESTROYER OF INGRATES: So, who can tell me about Wald's definition of the blues?
CLASS: *Silence*
LINDSAY: *gives answer*
WDI: And how does that relate to his thesis?
CLASS: *stares blankly*
LINDSAY: *looks around at everyone*
WDI: ...Just go ahead, Lindsay.

The same thing is kind of happening in my Religion class, but that's because it's a freshman level course and I am surrounded by ta dumb.

Okay. That was mean.

I don't really know how to feel about it. Sometimes I think I'm being extremely pompous and awful, but this class just drives me crazy. We move at a ridiculously glacial pace, and it could be saved if people would just talk about the concepts and have a good discourse, but no one wants to speak up.

I honestly think that it's just because it's a freshman class. That sounds bad, but it's true. While it seems to be the big thing now to bash college as being useless, I really think that by senior year we have learned enough that we are able to move faster and discuss more.

Also, I think I've been ruined for the social sciences.

PROFESSOR: And this is a study proving that Americans are more narcissistic than ever before!
LINDSAY: What are your experimental methods? Is this correlation implying causation? Do you have CONTROLS?!
PROFESSOR: *happily starts talking about something else*
LINDSAY: SCIENCE HAS RULES.

Life at the apartment has been crazy, because we are all madly applying for things and are all terrified that we won't end up anywhere next year. Susana and I have planned for this. If we are alone and destitute, we will share a cardboard box.

Well, I must go back to reading immunology! One more chapter to go! One more... thirty page chapter... of death.

*cries*

Chronicle Number 40: More Evidence of My Crazy

2011-04-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

I return! Fresh off of the shores of adventure, I salute thee!

It's been a long journey here, and I tell you, comrades, it is not yet over. There are still tests to be taken! Journeys to commence! Dances to ridiculously dance!

I've realized that I've broken the cardinal rule these last few weeks. I guess at this point it's just irrevocably shattered. What is this rule, you ask? Well, Intrepid Young Sidekick Corinne could tell you.

It is simply, Never Give Them Evidence of Your Crazy.

Too late.

The weekend before last, I was able to give a whole new group this evidence! Soon all the world will know. Now, one man's crazy is another man's awesome, so I'm hoping that I can convince enough people that I am the latter. I was in Washington DC, for a concert at the National Gallery.

Weeks of work culminated in a lovely concert with the Men in Blaque from the University of Irvine. I don't really know if it was actually worth it, but if it wasn't then I am full of unspeakable horror. So I choose to believe that it was worth it. I don't want to be full of unspeakable horror, and I personally think that if you believe something long and hard enough that eventually it just has to be true.

The time in DC was fun, even if I couldn't really see much. Honestly, I feel sort of like an old hand at this, so I wasn't tres triste about not getting to go anywhere.

We did have lots of fun, though. There might have been a certain incident in which I named an umbrella "hobo slayer" declared myself "Hobo slaying sheriff" and recruited Amy, Sam and Laura as my hobo slaying deputies. But that's neither here nor there.

Of course, according to Murphy's Law, I couldn't get out of this completely unscathed.

FRIDAY: Today, Lindsay sings like an angel! There are no problems, it is quite lovely.
SATURDAY: Whose lovely voice is that? Oh, Lindsay's? She's awesome, you know.

On Sunday, however, I began to have a niggling sensation in the back of my throat.

LINDSAY: NOOOOOO!

Luckily my voice didn't completely give out until after the concert. It wasn't at its best, which was slightly depressing.

Then I got up on Monday to take my flight home.

At 4:00AM.

With a horrible head cold.

Well, I got back to Atlanta okay, even though I couldn't seem to sleep on the plane. Had breakfast with Bri Bri, which was fun. (In her words, "YAY!!! XD :) XDXD")

The week was uneventful, blah blah blah. I went home for Easter. Boyfriend was in Chicago, kicking butt and taking names at his Model UN conference. At least that's what I like to believe. (Reference to my earlier statement of believing things until they are true.)

BOYFRIEND: Lie to them! Lie to them!
LINDSAY: Oh, hush. You did well.
BOYFRIEND: I didn't get an award. I wasn't recognized!
LINDSAY: I'm beginning to think that you have a complex.

I think that perhaps our relationship works because we're both true blue purveyors of crazy.

This relationship would work even better if Boyfriend would buy me a Cheerwine. Hint hint.

Bonus Boyfriend Comment: This prior comment represents a special dynamic we have. My reply here: "You always do this. You say you want item X, I ask if you want me to get you one, you say no. Then you repeatedly comment about how you don't have item x, but maintain that 'It's fine' if I don't get you one." Lather rinse repeat. I'm a man, tell me if you want the Cheerwine or not.

Back to the awesome:

I'm just so misunderstood. Boyfriend doesn't get that I always want a Cheerwine.

By the way, I know what you're thinking right now, Mom. "She's so mean to him."

Wow, this has really descended into madness. (Oh, look! A Cheerwine!)

Anywhoot, Easter was fun. My Grandmother is here now, so it was nice to see her. Also, I love food. I could never be anorexic, I love food way too much.

Well, I should probably wrap this up. It's getting progressively more insane, and I'm getting progressively more bored while writing it. Plus, I should pay some attention to Boyfriend, as he is leaving me AGAIN this weekend. Geez.

Whatever you do, don't forget Lindsaytopia! Live the dream, people. Live. The. Dream.

Chronicle Number 39: My First and Foremost Jalapeno

2011-04-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I've been away forever. Really I blame you. It's because I don't ever get any comments. Obviously I cannot continue rambling without constant validation. I have to rely on the words of others for my self esteem! Duh!

Just kidding. Really. Please Mom, I'm fine. My self worth does not rely on the feelings of others. I make good choices. I remember who I am. I am kind to people and animals. Jesus loves me and so do you.

Moving on. What has been going on in my life? I think I've been gone for three weeks, right? Well, you won't get a rendition of most things, because I really can't remember past a week before. I never do. Live in the moment, that's me.

Last week was my week of horror. Really, it was the worst set of required things I've ever had. As tests go, it wasn't too bad. It was the rehearsals and performances that really cinched it.

The Friday before last I headed back to Augusta, in order to rehearse with the Georgia Chorus on Saturday. Fun times. Mom and I headed to PF Chang's to celebrate her acceptance into Seminary. In the true spirit of churchiness, we made many comments on the hot waiter. Don't worry, Boyfriend, Hot Waiter means nothing to me. You are my only hot tamale. My one true chili pepper. My first and foremost jalapeno.

...I'm going to stop now.

Rehearsal! Twas fine.

Saturday night it was back to Athens for Lindsay, so that I could go to the Bach rehearsal on Sunday. Scheduled from 3:00 to 9:00. I had the strange urge to commit hari kari. Monday was more rehearsal, Tuesday was the concert, and I had a psychology test on Wednesday. I'm not proud, but I really did kind of throw that test out the window. I didn't study at all. I just didn't have time, and we get a drop test.

Mom came to the performance on Tuesday, so we got to hang out a little. She loved it, so even though I didn't feel so fabulous, she helped me feel better about it.

Seriously, at some points this went on:

DIRECTOR: Come on, guys! You have to look angry at this part, it's important.
LINDSAY: *too tired to really care*
DIRECTOR: Think of something that makes you mad!
LINDSAY: *thinks I HATE REHEARSAL while singing*
DIRECTOR: Much better! *Oodles of smiles*

So, are you keeping up? Great, because I have more! There was a biochemistry test on Friday, which I just won't go into. This is supposed to be a funny blog, and ranting about the injustice of my ridiculous professor's ways really won't be fun reading. Suffice it to say, it was super hard but not as bad as it could be, and I'm hoping I pull a grade that will keep me at a B. I'm not being picky, at this point.

Saturday... You guessed it! More Georgia Chorus rehearsal.

It was also the first anniversary for Boyfriend and me. *Cues Awwwws*

It was very sweet. I got back to Athens, and we went to Utage for dinner, which is a sushi place I like. He was generally the sweet and awesome Boyfriend that we know so well. I won't go to far into the details. Just picture yourself descending into a barrel of sap, and you'll have how I feel about Boyfriend.

Then we went to a ball! Yes, you read that right. Demosthenian Literary Society was hosting a ball. Alex just joined, and Susana and Jack are already members.

It was very fun. We danced like maniacs. It's something I like to do, oh, every hour or so. It's nice to dance like a maniac in a socially accepted setting. They don't take too it well when you do it in the middle of the Student Learning Center.

Sunday I had to head to Conyers, GA for another performance. Woot.

This one went alright, but I think the reverb actually worked against us in parts. I can't wait to get a recording, though. Dad came to this one with a friend, and he took me out to dinner afterward.

Geez, this is turning into a narrative. I'm sorry, it's just that this week has been really busy. I'll try to sum it up more quickly.

Yesterday was mainly spent studying. I had a Peoples, Parasites, and Plagues test today. I probably didn't study as much as I should, but oh well. I think it went pretty well. PPP really suffers from being my last exam at times. It has happened twice now. When it is the last thing in a long string of things to do, I end up burned out and unable to really concentrate on things.

So yes! Today was my last test! I'm free, FREE.

...Until I start studying on Thursday for my Biochemistry final.

Isn't my life a hoot?

Chronicle Number 38: Lindsay and Boyfriend Go to Miami

2011-03-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

My dear fellow Lindsaytopians,

I know that you are all sighing. I know that you wish it was not me, but Boyfriend who is writing this chronicle. I know, because I know you. I know you like him better than me. I see it in your eyes. Just remember that your first loyalty must lie with me.

I know that I have not updated you in awhile. I know that this fills you with woe, but too bad. I have no sympathy.
The past few weeks (minus spring break) have been filled with crazy. You'd think I'd be used to that, but alas, I am not.

The two weeks before spring break were spent in test taking, as per usual. The reenactment game we played in history was not cooperating with me, so I had a million things to do for that.

It would have been fine, except it really felt like not many people were actually prepared. Also, some of our people didn't even show up. Seriously, one disappeared before the game even started, one disappeared into the ether after one session, and one missed about four of the eight game days, if I'm counting right.

This made everything really difficult. When the people don't show up, and you've only got 12 to start with, it really throws a wrench into things. It did lead to funny situations, like when our professor talked to the roommate of the guy who hadn't shown up.

LINDSAY: Yeah, Hutch Hapgood hasn't been here since the first day.
ANNOYING CLASSMATE 1: Oh, I think he dropped.
WOLF: *overhears.* I haven't got any notification about it.
AC1: I'm sure he did!
WOLF: Tell him that he should.

Now, you can't get the true tone of her voice from this transcript, but just imagine that a woman named Montgomery Wolf, whose specialization is in the history of Punk Rock, and is generally epic in every way, just told you to drop a class in the most dangerous tone possible. Yeah, it was scary.

It confuses me, I guess, because I don't understand the mindset. Why would you skip a class that has ten people? The professor is going to know! And she doesn't have to give a Withdrawal Passing if she doesn't want to.

Well, whatever. I got through it, I have an A, and Wolf seems to like me. She is really pretty epic.

Getting up to break was kind of a slog. At one point I was just done. It ended up okay, because I didn't have to study all that much for my Peoples, Parasites and Plagues class. And then it was break! Hurray!

Spring Break turned out really well. The first bit I spent cleaning, which was not so much fun. But I also had time to do other stuff, so the cleaning was not too bad.

On Thursday I set off to Miami with Boyfriend and his family! If those words make you feel nervous terror, then you're just like me. Congratulations, you've achieved state of supreme being. Or supreme crazy, whichever way you look at it.

It ended up being pretty great. Mr. and Mrs. Boyfriend are awesome. Boyfriend has a hilarious relationship with his Dad, which mainly consists of

BOYFRIEND: *Says something. Anything at all, really, it doesn't matter.*
MR. BOYFRIEND: You are completely wrong, and here is why.
BOYFRIEND: Actually, sir, YOU are completely wrong. This is why.
MR. BOYFRIEND: I have stopped listening to you, because I prefer to insult your hair.
BOYFRIEND: That's funny, because I prefer to insult your age.
MRS. BOYFRIEND and LINDSAY: *look at each other and sigh*

It was all in good fun. I was left behind sometimes, because I don't always get all the legal/political stuff.

Well, I'm off now. I know this was not that exciting, but I'm sitting at a table with a bunch of people and I'm getting distracted. I'm just so popular. :P

Don't worry though, Lindsaytopia will soon arrive!

Chronicle Number 37: Boyfriend Speaks! The World Gasps in Horror!

2011-03-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

Greetings and salutations, all ye followers of Lindsaytopia!

This chronicle is brought to you by none other than the mysterious, vaguely spoken of Boyfriend. At the request of Lindsay, I’m filling in for her this week and talking to you about a week in the life of her significant other, although her commentary may be interspersed throughout.

LINDSAY: He thinks I’m a busybody. Geez. No faith. *pauses* Wait… Ah, what the heck. My comments will be in between slashes.

While my darling has been busy with Biochemistry and the other horrors of South Campus here at UGA (things that I, as a Political Science and International Affairs major, know little to nothing of), I have been dealing with the tribulations and, for lack of a better word, trials /Oh haha. He’s so punny./ of being a Mock Trial captain. For the uninitiated, Mock Trial is a competitive simulation of an actual court case, with attorneys, witnesses, evidence, objections, etc. It’s like Law and Order, except without all of the Hollywood “poetic licenses” on little things, like “relevance” and “constitutional rights.” /I, personally, find those things silly./ Our case this year was a civil product liability trial – a company had made this toy (the innocent-sounding “Princess Beads”) that contained a chemical that turned into a date-rape drug when ingested. If you remember the hoopla over “Aqua Dots” a few years back, you know the basic idea here. When a 2 year old swallows several of the beads, he goes into respiratory arrest and dies, leading to the parent suing the toy company. I’ve been doing Mock Trial for about six years now, and this has probably been the most complicated case I’ve ever worked with. I even had to consult Lindsay /I’ve told him to refer to me as “divine goddess,” but does he listen? No./ on a few issues about toxicology and biochemistry (which were a huge part of the case). I was on the defense earlier in the year, representing the toy company, and it was… challenging, to say the least. That side really sucked a lot of the emotion out of the case- necessary but annoying. The other side has the whole “dead child” narrative going for them, which forces the defense to try and suppress a lot of the emotion. That’s really not my style, so I was really excited to be switched over to plaintiff for this semester. Alex righteous indignation returns in glory!!

I was also lucky enough to get to be captain of a C-team, a great experience, considering that only I and my co-captain had done College Mock Trial before, and the entire team was freshmen and sophomores. I could not have been happier with my team. They were dedicated, focused, and amazingly talented. UGA’s program will remain a terror for many years at this rate.

Our actual record at the regional in Kennesaw, GA last weekend might not be the best indicator of that, however. We finished 3-4-1 (3 wins/4 losses/ 1 tie) out of eight ballots (the score sheet for each of two judges in four rounds) – not too impressive. In our defense, we did face UNC-Chapel Hill’s A-team (finished 6^th overall), Emory’s A-team (finished 2^nd overall), and Duke’s B-team (finished 3^rd overall, and probably one of the best teams I have ever seen). Our other round was kind of a joke, as we won by 45 and 23 points. My team joked about making a YouTube remix of some of the more choice quotes and more outrageous/less logical points. I tend to doubt the competency of a team that actually attempts to be hostile with the grieving mother of the dead child. That round actually ceased to be fun, the beatdown was so bad. /Please. Beat downs are always fun./

Beyond that, my life for the past week has been a slog through preparing for 3 midterms (which ended up all on one day! Oh joy…) and the first half of another one. They actually went pretty well. My International Relations one may have been a bit iffy, but I’m pretty sure I can pick up any slack with the essay part next week. I’m taking another class with my IR professor next semester, which may or may not be good for my GPA, but I don’t really care because it’s his specialty – IR decision making. He actually takes a neuroscience bent on it, looking at decision making from a psychological perspective, which is kind of what I wanted to do coming into college. Excited? You better believe it. /Excited!Alex is super adorbs, btw./

I also made my first full foray into the Demosthenian Literary Society this week. For, well FOREVER, Jack and Susana (both Demosthenians) have been telling me I need to get involved there, but I just haven’t had the time between Mock Trial and Model United Nations. The conversation goes something like this:

ALEX: *RAWR* ARC OF HISTORY TENDS TOWARDS JUSTICE *RAWR* INEXORABLE MARCH OF HUMAN FREEDOM!!!!!!

JACK: Why aren’t you in Demosthenian yet?

ALEX: blah blah blah too much in my schedule blah blah blah

JACK: Search your feelings. You know it to be true. You’re one of us. *descends into chanting ONE OF US! ONE OF US!*

/Oh Lord, no. I like my Alex the way he is. Demosthenians are cray cray. *gets dagger glares from Susie* But also wonderful! Yay Demosthenian!/

So, since they were debating the dissolution of the Student Government Association (and calling out SGA people to speak), I had to go and watch. I actually got up and spoke! /Alex? Giving a speech? That never happens. Except every time he’s allowed./ I thought I was received pretty well, and a few people asked me questions during the speech (including several from Susana – probably just because she could use the opportunity to badger me. I’m onto you, Susana…). /Boyfriend and my roommate are besties. Death besties./ I actually might try and join the Society. It might be a good way to get me out of the rhetoric withdrawals I go through without Mock Trial. Any advice for my petitioning address is welcomed – I’m currently between arguing the value of the unexplainable or better communication through chanting. /Better communication through chanting! You can be a cheerleader!/

There’s my piece. All hail Lindsay the Wonderful!

Alex, aka Boyfriend

Chronicle Number 36: It's Good Boyfriend Isn't Naming These.*

2011-02-24T11:44:00.000-08:00

Why is it that life seems to consists of long stretches of doing nothing, then extremely short stretches of frenzied activity? It's not that I don't anticipate my tests- I do. I feel like I'm getting ready in time, and then- BOOM! A million tasks fall upon me.

For instance, I began studying for my biochemistry test about a week ago. This, I would like to inform you, was two weeks away from my test. Starting to study (and I mean legit study, not just read a chapter or go over one's notes) two weeks in advance is a eon for a college student. I thought I was being soooo responsible. I was on it, ready to meet any challenge advanced to me.

The world likes to prove me wrong.

LINDSAY: I've planned for you world, I've got this. You can't throw anything at me now!

THE WORLD: They're so cute when they're optimistic. *CRUSHES HER*

The game is turning out to be a lot of work (I thought it would be, but perhaps not this much) and it's going fast. I guess I just thought the time would be slower, and I would have a little breathing room. My biochemistry class continues to add heaps of information to my load. Every class ends with Garrett staring mutely at me in horror, and then I cry a little.

But I did fairly well in my first round of tests/essays, so I'm making an attempt at optimism.

In other news, apparently the combined effects of biochemistry, history, and psychology create in me a great urge for interpretive dance. This is the only way I feel able to truly share with the world.

The Demosthenian All Night Meeting was last Saturday! I was a little out of it, to be honest, because I had driven to Atlanta that day for rehearsal.

Getting to the ATL wasn't that difficult, but I of course became confused by the signs and nearly went the wrong way a few times. Apparently it's impossible for me to adequately follow google maps.

Rehearsal went well, despite some truly lovely backhanded compliments. I generally ignore those, and move on. What's the point? I think some people just think a person is stupid if she doesn't respond to those, but I think people who do are the true idiots.

Getting back was... interesting, to say the least. As a note to myself and all others inclined to go from Atlanta to Athens, apparently you need different directions to go to Atlanta than the ones you need to get back. You know what I'm talking about- usually you can just follow the directions backward, but in this case- does not work.

Or maybe I'm just directionally challenged.

Either way, it ends up with this:

ROAD: No, you CANNOT go this way.

LINDSAY: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

OTHER DRIVERS: WHAT IS SHE DOING?!?!?!?!?!

For the record, I apologize. But in my defense, the other drives are generally even dumber than me... Which really just exacerbates the situation.

Anywhoozle, I got back to Athens safely enough, only marred by a raging headache and horrible knots in my right shoulder. (Which you, Boyfriend, are welcome to fix at any time.**)

This brings me to the All Night Meeting. I don't really know how to describe it.... At least not in a way that will truly do them justice.

First of all, I'd just like to put out into the universe that Susana did an excellent job planning the whole thing. I suppose the long nights and the successive insanity were all worth it in the end. I, of course, did not stay for the whole thing. I was pretty tired from all the driving, so I was pretty much ready to beat it by about 11.

There were three speakers, the first of which was one of Susie's drama professors. He was hilarious, interspersing monologues he had done with his speech. The second and third were more serious, the former concerning breadth in education and the latter focusing on death in literature as an extended metaphor for real life.

Wow, I just read that again and it sounded awful.

I promise, it was actually really cool. It was a "you had to be there" moment.***

The rest of my time has been spent mainly gaming it up and studying for biochem. At some point I'm going to have to fit in studying for a psychology test... While doing eleven hours of rehearsal.... And planning a speech....

OhmygoshI'mgoingtodie.

*When asked to think of a title, his response was "I dunno."

**Boyfriend! Oh, Boyfriend! BOYFRIEND! Stop reading over my shoulder and do something useful.

***This comment thoughtfully provided by Boyfriend. See, he can be creative!

Chronicle Number 35: Oh Look! Bees!

2011-02-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

My life... is like a leaf. A leaf upon the wind, thrown and buffeted every which way, with no ability to choose or prepare for the next gust! I float, I spin, I weave!

No... My life... is like a teakettle. Full of boiling energy and furor! Building up to the inevitable shriek! Dedicated to making tasty hot beverages!

Actually, that isn't right. I am not dedicated to making tasty hot beverages.

Perhaps my life is like a... An old purse. Full of fun surprises, like that old five dollar bill that you forgot about, but also full of terrible surprises, like that old piece of candy that you forgot about that is now melted and stuck to the five dollars, and also your hand.

Or maybe my life is like a shiny piece of aluminum foil, attempting to distract a squirrel (you) from the fact that I haven't blogged in forever.

Last week and the week before consisted of my first hell week. I call it just one, because I had an essay due on Thursday, a test on Friday, then two tests on the Tuesday and Wednesday of the next week. During this time I also had 5 hour rehearsal for the Georgia Chamber Choir and rehearsals for the St. Matthew Passion with the Collegium.

School is hard, but I'm attempting to get by. The only class that really worries me is biochemistry. I got a reasonably okay grade on the first test, but I still wasn't happy about it.

My professor is pretty good, if exceedingly difficult. There's only one really bad problem.

I'm looking at you, Nilla Wafer.

You see, dear audience, my friend Wes (forever referred to as "Nilla Wafer" because he is white and skinny) and our lovely friend Ben (forever referred to as "Ben" because he might kill me if I gave him a nickname. And he could do it. With one hand.) decided to tell Garret and me all about Dr. Adams during our time in Cortona.

These stories always consisted of them imitating Dr. Adams accent.

It's some sort of cockney/British/American hybrid, I think. There really isn't any way for me to get it across in text. Suffice it to say that now any time Dr. Adams says "Okay, let's get started" (every class) or "acetyl CoA" or a myriad of other trigger words, Garret and I have to fight the urge to laugh hysterically.

Sometimes this could be explained away, because I feel it is understandable to laugh hysterically after being taught the entirety of the TCA cycle in one lecture. In these cases, a student has a choice- laugh hysterically or cry hysterically. But other times, there is just no reason, and disrupting class because your teacher said "arachidonic acid" funny is generally frowned upon.

Other than that, my classes seem to be going well. I love People Parasites and Plagues, even if my teacher scares me a little. She's just generally that cool. I feel she could slay me with a well-raised eyebrow.

In history, we are starting a game! A reenactment! I am Mabel Dodge, Muse of Fifth Avenue! I must gather as many Personal Influence Points as possible! I get to design a mail box in which people can leave me notes and bribes. I also have my own day of class, in which I set the topic and decide who speaks. Basically, I am ballin'.

Jordan is Emma Goldman. She's an anarchist. Also, she has a hobo lover. I feel this is a very important detail.

I feel this blog post is winding down in quality. That's usually a sign that I should stop. In closing, let me say, Happy belated Valentine's Day to everyone! In the spirit of St. Valentine, be lovely to everyone every day, but please don't be a martyr. Stoning is not allowed in Lindsaytopia.

Oh, you're ask when I'll post again? Well, that's a difficult question, what's that behind you? Bees?

...

Chronicle Number 34: The Perfect Vacation; Small Animal Sacrifice, Vultures, and Balloons!

2011-01-20T10:51:00.002-08:00

Yeah, yeah I know. I've been remiss in my blogging. Somehow, I think you'll survive.

I haven't written in the new year. So far, it's been okay. I'm really hoping that this one is a better one. I do have a lot of things to be excited about in 2011, but there are also some worrisome events in the future...

However, worry is stupid. It really isn't doing anything for me, is it? All it does is take my energy away from finding solutions and dealing with what is happening right now.

In the weeks since I last wrote, it has pretty much been a mix of a lot happening and nothing happening. I spent New Year's in Athens. I love my friends. Only we would bring in the New Year by watching football (please don't ask, don't talk about it, I know and it makes me want to cry) and playing board games. We tried to go Hispanic dancing, but that turned into an epic fail- the place was closed, even though there was a facebook event and fliers. Sadness. We made it fun, though, and Boyfriend was sweet enough to drive in from Chattanooga. Ferguson, the Intrepid English Man and Boyfriend's Bestie, took offense to this, but you know what I say?

LINDSAY: Pbbbbt. You didn't make plans, so I get him.
FERGUSON: I'm cranky. And English.

On New Year's Day, Susana and I set off for Orlando, accompanied by Susie's brother Daniel (Intrepid Teenage Muscleman) and her cousin Alfredo.

Orlando was... Fun. We got there about 12:30AM, because of a combination of crappy travel occurrences. First of all, it rained nearly the whole way. Secondly, we hit a couple patches of bad traffic. It also took forever for us to get dinner. Anywho, we got to the... place... very late. I think I shall call this part of the chronicle:

ADVENTURES IN THE LAND OF DISCOUNT BALLOONS

Our condo was in a very strange area of Florida. Some might call it ghettoville. It was pretty much just on the four lane highway, and the side of the road was filled with crazy shops that were covered in murals. These murals were mainly American Flags or safari animals. We attempted to get to a place we could sleep. The way it worked was that we had to call the office and get the code for the drop box, which would contain a key and directions to our condo.

We couldn't find the box.

We aimlessly drove around for awhile, convinced that we would be eventually kidnapped and sold into slavery. We decided to sell Daniel and Alfredo to save ourselves, because Daniel is prettier than us and Alfredo cannot speak English. Finally we called the office again. We made Daniel talk this time.

DANIEL: Where is this office?! And please don't let my sister sell me.
RANDOM WORKER: I think I'll give you really bad directions. Not because I hate you, but because I am an idiot.
DANIEL: I'll take what I can get. I don't want to die.

So we drove around some more, now with a slight idea how to find the place. On the way, this exchange took place:

DANIEL: Susie, where are we staying, anyway?
SUSANA: It's called Florida Magic.
DANIEL: The Lord of Magic?
SUSANA: ...Yes.
DANIEL: You've killed us all.

The best part of this is that there was a shop that had a huge wizard on the top of it. Susana nearly told Daniel that he had to stay there.

Anyway, we finally got to the box, got our keys, and got to the condo. Then we got to the really "interesting" part.

It was a strange mix of grandiose and crappy. It was huge, with four bedrooms and three baths, a kitchen, a den, and a sort of sitting room. The furniture was really nice, even though it kind of looked like someone had time-traveled to the Victorian Era and brought back couches, then reupholstered them in velor. Also, there was a dark red stain on one of the couch's arms, which we termed the "small animal sacrifice" spot.

Susana and I pictured it as a lot of "Oh s***" moments. For instance, the TV didn't quite work, and the walls were really thin. And the flooring in my room wasn't laid quite properly, so whenever I walked on certain spots the wood buckled. In Susana's room, the bed and the dresser didn't really both fit. So the dresser was pushed in front of the window, which might have been fine except for the whole "giant Victorian furniture" think I was telling you about. The mirror completely covered the window- all you could see was the top edge.

But all of this was really fine. It was actually the perfect combination, because none of it was truly bad- we could just laugh about it all. So the next day, we drove past the flock of vultures in our parking lot (yes. The flock. Of vultures. In our parking lot.) and went to Universal.

Universal itself was really awesome. Harry Potter World was great, in spite of the crazy amounts of crowd. I tried butterbeer, pumpkin juice- the gamut. I would actually like to go back at a time when there might not be so many people, but I don't know when that would be. It was really nice to go with a bunch of people who really wanted to do all the roller coasters. (Note- the Rip Ride Rock it. Epic.)

On the second day we had to go to the Florida Magic office and turn in our registration sheet. Susie and I went in. The lady there was pretty interesting. She was wearing clothes that she should not have been wearing, and she had the most ridiculous hair I'd ever seen. We asked her a couple questions, she seemed perfectly nice. Then this happened:

LINDSAY: So do we have to wash the dishes?
LADY: Naw, just let us take care of that!
SUSANA: Thanks! And sorry about getting this in late!
LADY: That's alright, my loves. *creepy smile*
LINDSAY AND SUSANA: *twin looks of horror*

We immediately tried to leave. Susana attempted to open the door. It wouldn't open. She tried the other. No dice. She frantically began shaking it. I saw the descent of my life into slavery in the Ukraine and my eventual death flash before my eyes.

Thankfully, the door finally gave in. I think it sensed our growing desperation. We ran, escaping our captors narrowly.

But the rest of the trip was fine! Except for traffic in Atlanta, we didn't really have any problems getting back.

I got home, hung out with my mom. We went out one day to celebrate her new job. Then I headed back to Athens. Boyfriend cooked me dinner on Saturday (he's a gem) and then on Sunday I was promptly snowed into my apartment. That's when the whole "absolutely nothing" comes into play. It was fun for awhile, but by Thursday I was really happy to go to class.

This first week of class has been okay. I don't know quite how I feel about things yet. There's been a little drama with classes, but so far it's been fine. I think I now have everything together. I'm only taking 12 hours, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I've still got four classes (for science majors that's a lot) and it looks like all of my tests/essays are going to be falling in the same weeks. So I might die, but what's the fun of school without fear of imminent mortality? No fun at all, I'm telling you.

I leave you now, with

The Lord of Magic!

Chronicle Number 33: Epic Year In-Review

2010-12-29T15:38:00.000-08:00

A post about my week I could write,

About shopping and baking and talking all night,

But instead from Jordan I have decided to thieve,

An idea for a post that I truly believe

Might not be funny- but I don't really care,

It's my blog! Don't like it? Find other fare.

So here it is, without further ado

Lindsay's Epic Year In-Review.

This year was harsh. Socially it was awesome. Academically it was the worst of my life. I'm not really going to go into that, because if you know then you know, and if you don't then you probably don't need to hear about it. But I have great friends, great family, and a great boyfriend. I know that I depend on you all to get me through, and you've done your job admirably. Sometimes I think that I shouldn't rely so much on you, but I think that we all depend on each other, so maybe it's okay. Anywhoozle, I have to thank everyone for the support.

Music of the Year:

1. The Decemberists continue as my favorite band of all time. I know some people do not appreciate Colin Meloy's genius, *coughAlexcough* but I do.

2. As pretty much everyone else has said, Mumford and Sons has entered my existence and there is no going back.

3. Florence + the Machine- I just wish there was more of her.

4. Lady Gaga. She is controversial and much hated, and let me tell you- I was sort of one of the haters. But I just couldn't resist, and I don't really care who's judging me. *coughMarkcough*

5. This year I've been introduced to a lot of music that is old to the world but new to me. It's been fun to be introduced to bands by Jordan, Susana, and Alex that I'm really enjoying. Among these are the Kaiser Chiefs, Pearl Jam, Five Iron Frenzy, and the Strokes.

Books/Authors of the Year:

I actually haven't read that much this year, which is sad. At least, not a lot of what I've read has stuck out. Here are my top picks:

1. Juliet Marillier, Daughter of the Forest- This book is fantastic. Some of the events might not be palatable for people, especially young ones, but I encourage anyone to give it a chance. It's so good that it's almost bad- I've now read the sequels and am sometimes disappointed, because they just aren't as epic.

2. Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant- Rees Brennan really hit her stride in this book. The first was good, but I don't think it's exactly a book for the masses. This book, the second in a planned trilogy, was funny and tragic all at the same time. I will continue being a fan girl.

3. Scott Westerfeld, Leviathan- This book gets me purely for the world building. It's fantastic. Erin gave me it for Christmas and Nick gave me the sequel. I can't wait to dive in.

4. N.K. Jemisin, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms- Fantastic. Fan-freaking-tastic. I don't have words for how amazing this book is. Probably my top book of the year.

5. Karen Healey, Guardian of the Dead- I loved the heroine, I loved the world-building, and I loved the mythology. Exactly the right book for me.

Television of the Year:

Well, this isn't even going to be a list. Because while I do watch a bunch of shows (I should probably cut down) there is really only one that I cannot live without. And that is Chuck. Please, please, please, do not get cancelled. I am a super fan, and I love it bunches. Everyone should watch it to make sure my darling show does not go away.

I do admit to an epic love of Merlin on the BBC, however. I do feel bad- I don't wait to watch it in the US, I find it on the internet.

General Events:

1. Italy. I went to Italy. At times I still miss it, and still desperately want to be there.

2. I joined Collegium Musicum, which was nerve-wracking and terrifying, but I'm so glad I did it. I missed singing.

3. I did a bunch of things with my mom! I love my mom, you know. She's so awesome. I should talk to her more, and make lists of things to talk about in this blog that involve her. Wait, she did that for me. :) It was cute. I came downstairs last week and found my list of things to talk about in my blog had a few items added, all ending with "_____ with Mom."

Of course, I can't really cover every important thing that happened to me this year. It would be impossible, and you would get tired of reading.

The last entry this will be

But not, my friends, for eternity!

Only until the year does turn,

Then I'll be back, with words to burn.

Laughter and smiles will surely ensue,

From new experiences I'll relate to you.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year,

Don't fret, for Lindsaytopia soon will be here.

Chronicle Number 32: Maybe More Than Slightly Crazy

2010-12-21T16:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Boyfriend,

What does one do when one has nothing to do? In the last week I have watched a ridiculous amount of bad television, done a few useful activities, and read five new books. But I am bored, bored out of my mind (not that it takes much to get out of my mind... the borders are very thin here...) and I can't think of what to do. I'm feeling very lazy from my horrible semester, but being lazy makes me bored. And being bored makes me sad. I am sad, Boyfriend. Fix it.

In this last week without you, what have I done, you ask? Well, I have not been very busy. As I've told you, all I do is read read read no matter what what what, which is considerably less kick@$$ than win win winning no matter what what what.

On Thursday, the intrepid slayer of vile beasties came to visit me. This was pretty anti-climactic. As you well know, I live with Megan. Someone you live with coming to visit you is not actually that exciting. Even though Megan is always exciting! Ahem.

Anywho, that was super fun. We went shopping, meeting Corinners at the mall. Oh! Corinners is no longer the intrepid teenage sidekick. She has been demoted. No, I'm just kidding. She is no longer a teenager. So apparently I have to think of a new name for her. The trials of being an empress, I tell you. They never end.

Back to Megan. I'll tell you all the exciting things we did. We fought a dragon, and saved a damsel, and made friends with the dragon, and found out that the damsel was really annoying so we made a giant taco out of her and fed her to the dragon, and the dragon proclaimed, as all sane people/dragons should, that tacos are the best food in the world.

Okay, that didn't really happen. But we did partake of the best food in the world, and then we curled up under a blanket on the couch and read until the wee hours of the morning. We are party animals, I tell you. Party. Animals.

On Friday we went to the traditional caroling. And you know what I found out, Boyfriend? Everyone wants to talk about you. They want you to visit again.

I find this highly insulting.

I am visiting! Their empress, the most high! They should want to talk to me! But noooo, instead they seek news of Boyfriend!

Okay, I'm not that insulted. I guess you're kind of cool, and I guess that if I like you other people might as well. I'm old news. You're new news.

This pattern continued on Sunday at church. There was also a children's Christmas play, during the service, which was fun. I almost died of the adorableness, but that's a completely different issue.

That night I had my scholarship dinner. I wait on the edge of a knife... Fear curls itself around my toes...

I miss you, Boyfriend, and it annoys me. You should fix that too, while you're fixing me being sad. You should also fix the fact that I seem to be growing steadily more insane, as you can see from this letter blog. Being all alone watching marathons of bad television is bad for me.

Well, I should go. Those books won't read themselves!

Your Maybe-more-than-slightly-crazy-Girlfriend,

Lindsay

PS. Please continue to accept and adore my crazy.

PPS. Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 31: Wise Counselor and Favorite Person of the Empress

2010-12-14T14:31:00.001-08:00

My dearest Jordan,

I am writing to you because you are my biggest fan. I know that you are probably mad at me, because I haven't updated in two weeks, but I also know that you understand.

It is probably a horrible thing, but your upsetness gratifies me a bit. Of all the people in my life, I know that you are the one who truly wants to hear the wise words of your divinely ordained ruler. No one but you, sweet Jordan, yelled at me about not blogging. Not Boyfriend, not intrepid teenage sidekick, not the Hispanic goddess, and not the destroyer of vile beasties. No one loves me but you, dearest Jordan. In return, I'm giving you a title. From now on, you are Jordan, Wise Counselor and Favorite Person of the Empress.

The worst part of this is that I haven't seen you for the last two weeks, not really. This was very sad for me.

If it makes you feel better, I really haven't done that much except study. It was extremely boring. Last weekend I spent making my poster for HerbFest, which is what the candy was for. You know that, because I saw you there. What you weren't there for was my crafting of my lovely candy covered poster.

I can't write about this anymore. I'm so bored I might cry, and if I'm that bored it means that you're that bored, and we can't have my favorite person wallowing in boredom. That would be simply uncool.

I have mixed feelings about exams. They are over, so I guess there is nothing else I can do, and I shouldn't worry. That doesn't stop me from it, though.

After exams were over, I cleaned the apartment. That is because I decided that for Boyfriend and my 8 month anniversary, I was going to plan the date.

I am the best date planner ever.

First, I made him dinner. T'was awesome. (Even though I set off the fire alarm. Oops.)

BOYFRIEND: You are the best date planner ever. You light up my life.

Okay, he didn't really say that. But I do light up his life... If only with fire.

I had planned the date perfectly. He had no idea! All of my conversations with him were soooo sneaky.

*Note, this is a real text message exchange. Except for Boyfriend's responses, which got deleted from my phone, and thus are a mixture of memory and pure fabrication*

LINDSAY: Just to let you know, I am planning an awesome date. ;)

BOYFRIEND: Something I can't remember.

LINDSAY: In something completely unrelated, what vegetables do you like?

BOYFRIEND: Really long list. Apparently I love vegetables.

LINDSAY:...which do you like best?

BOYFRIEND: Green beans and broccoli are probably my standbys.

LINDSAY: Any other favorite foods?

BOYFRIEND: Something about Italian. Which is not helpful at all, because Italians have so much freaking food.

LINDSAY: How do you feel about steak? Not that you would get any.

BOYFRIEND: I love steak. Even though I'm not getting any.

LINDSAY: Good. Not for any reason, of course.

BOYFRIEND: Of course not.

LINDSAY: You like steak, I like steak. We're perfect.

I'm seriously like a ninja. Except I know they actually wore dark blue, and I don't think that an entire outfit of navy is fashion forward.

After dinner, we went to the Town and Gown production of The Rocky Horror Show. It was really fun, even though it was crazy raunchy. I have to thank you for that, because you helped me find the event. Without you, I would have been sunk.

The show was wonderful, and then we got to see you at bowling. It was bowling. There really isn't anything to say after that, except that our Lady Gaga interpretive dance should go down in History of Awesome Moments. Maybe we should take our act on the road.

Saturday was spent helping Susie with Demosthenian stuff, watching movies with Boyfriend, and doing normal laundry/packing/getting ready to go things. Saturday night was a Christmas Party, and I'm telling you, Jordan- our new goal in life is to get Susie to play charades with us. I'm telling you, Jordan. We could die happy.

Well, I'm at home now, and Mom is calling me to dinner, so I should wrap this up. I lovales you, Jordan, and I miss you!

Your Empress,

Lindsay

PS. Don't worry! Lindsaytopia is near! It will involve Susana doing charades. Hilarious.

Chronicle Number 30: CSI Lindsaytopia; Evidence of My Crazy

2010-11-25T16:24:00.000-08:00

I'm late. I realize this. I almost didn't try and update, but I figured that Jordan might become a tiny tornado of anger if I skipped a whole week again. And if she's a tiny tornado of anger, then things just suck. People being angry makes things difficult for me, and as I really hate difficult things, I try and avoid it.

Besides, you probably didn't want to hear about last week. After the test on Tuesday, I spent oodles of my time writing an essay analyzing death statistics. It was awful, and it took me hours and hours. Thankfully, Boyfriend and I are at the point in our relationship where I am slowly feeling more comfortable breaking the cardinal rule of new relationships, "Never Give Evidence of Your Crazy."

LINDSAY: *calls Boyfriend* You have to come over here.
BOYFRIEND: Why?
LINDSAY: I need you.
BOYFRIEND: Of course I will come, but out of curiosity- why do you need me?
LINDSAY: So many things. But mainly right now to sit on my bed as I shriek and rip at my hair- I mean- work on my essay.

So he came over and sat, it was probably very boring for him. I really did need him! I needed him to sit and make stern faces at me when I attempted to distract him with my newest discovery- VeryMaryKate.com. You may think that I could use many of my friends for this, but the truth is that I am too wily for them. If my girlfriends try to make stern faces at me, I just distract them with gossip about Boyfriend. He is quite the Hot Topic.

I finished my essay, then proceeded to get not enough sleep. Again. Don't deride me, I know. 6 1/2 hours is like a coma to most college students, but not to me. I need my 8 hours, or else I am even more crazy, and I start berating Corinne about dying of malnutrition. Trust me, it is no fun for anyone.

Thursday night, (after turning in the dreaded essay) we went to the midnight premier of Harry Potter. This would have been perfectly fine, except I was already grumpy from lack of sleep, and I made the mistake of telling the professor I'm going to research with that I would meet him at 10 in the morning.

Harry Potter was actually very well done, and I recommend it to anyone who has doubts.

Friday morning I got through the meeting okay. Thankfully, I was actually coherent through the whole thing. My worries were all assuaged. For instance, I was really worried about the summary I have to provide for the biochemistry department.

DR. AWESOME: Do you want me to write a summary of what you're doing and send it to your adviser?

I was also nervous about whether I would be assigned to a project right off the bat.

DR. AWESOME: You won't be assigned a to a project immediately.

And that I would be bad at things.

DR. AWESOME: Everyone's bad at some things. We'll design a project for you based on your strengths.

So I was pretty ecstatic. Then I was pretty exhausted, so I sneaked into Myers and napped on Boyfriend's bed.

I headed back home on Saturday... Not much really went on, except for multiple episodes of candy making, with variable levels of success. I actually thought that was what this whole entry would be about, but I don't think it was that funny if you couldn't see it. Dialogue mostly consisted of

LINDSAY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

and

QUEEN MOTHER: Is it supposed to do that?

and

LINDSAY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

You get the point. Children, it is harder than it may seem to make candy.

Now I'm in Atlanta, at Thanksgiving with my dad's family. It's only me, Dad, and my aunt and uncle. It's small, but it's been fun. We all ate a ridiculous amount of Turkey, and my aunt's squash casserole is a gift from God.

I wish you all a happy Turkey Day, and remember to be thankful-

For Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 29: Susana, Hispanic Goddess

2010-11-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

Another week has passed by, and I am with you again. I no longer have Collegium, (Sunday was our last concert) so I am brought to you from the comfort of my own apartment common room. We'll see if this is more or less helpful to my creative process.

What is my creative process, you ask?

Well, I pretty much make a list of stuff that happened to me lately, and then I write about it. Sometimes, if it isn't interesting enough, I write scenarios as I wish they had happened. Kind of like this:

How Things Really Went Down:

Ernesto the feral cat walks by my bench.
LINDSAY: *types away in blog*
ERNESTO: *disdainfully ignores Lindsay*

How I Believe In My Heart Things Went Down

Ernesto the feral cat walks by my bench.
LINDSAY: Here, kitty kitty kitty!
ERNESTO: YOWL!
LINDSAY: Ernesto attacked me! He wants my blood! I can see it in his feral kitty face!

Truly, I know not to approach feral cats. They are wild animals, and I know not what they will do.

Why do I keep talking about this? Le sigh.

Last week was pretty low key. After Monday I felt a lot better, but I was still tired all the time, and all I wanted to do was nap and drink sprite. I also did a lot of cross-stitching.

Yes, you read that right. I'm like 80 years old on the inside.

Friday night was especially sad. Boyfriend left on Thursday for a mock trial competition, at which he dominated.

LINDSAY: Boyfriend, Boyfriend! He's our guy! Close that case and make girls cry! Gooooooooo Boyfriend!

He really did make a girl cry once in mock trial. But that was not really his fault.

Anywhoozle, Friday, I was all, "wah wah, Boyfriend is gone." Then-

LINDSAY: Oh no.
SUSANA, HISPANIC GODDESS: What?
LINDSAY: I am one of those girls. I have nothing to do without Boyfriend!

But Susana, Hispanic Goddess, reminded me that it is okay to miss Boyfriend on the weekends, because I don't see him during the week. Also, I am awesome. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

Saturday was pretty crazy. Susana, Hispanic Goddess, invited me to a dinner and show organized by the Hispanic Student Association. It was really amazing. The food was great (I'm going to bother Susie until she makes me some of those patacones) and the acts they got were great. I saw Colombian dance! Also, a mariachi band! I now demand that Boyfriend learn how to play a giant guitar. I'll find a way to make it happen.

BOYFRIEND: Lindsay, where did my guitar disappear to?
LINDSAY: I utterly and completely have no idea! Here, play this giant one while I go look for it!

Afterward, there was an after party at one of the clubs downtown. Susana, Hispanic Goddess, had friends that were going, so we decided to go as well. First we popped by a Demosthenian (Susie's debate society) party. It was good to meet some of the people Susana, Hispanic Goddess, talks about.

So yes, Saturday was my first club experience! Yes, I live in Athens. No, I had never actually been to a club before. I just never found it worth the trouble, and apparently a lot of the good ones you have to be 21 (I think) and I don't have a fake ID. Nor do I desire one.

But this club was fun. Susana, I'm tired of typing this title, tried to teach me to Hispanic dance, which was an epic fail. I don't know why anyone expects that teaching me to dance would not be an epic fail.

For future reference, asking me to: dance, roller skate, ice skate, ski, surf, skateboard, water-ski, bowl, trapeze, walk a tight-rope, do anything requiring me to throw any object, do anything requiring me to kick any object, do anything requiring me to catch any object, bicycle or pretty much anything that requires some semblance of balance or coordination- these are all probably going to be epic fails.

But still, my awesomeness still conquers all. If nothing else, I'm pretty sure that my epic fails will be hilarious. Even if I end up breaking my tailbone.

With that, I leave you-

Waiting for Lindsaytopia

Chronicle Number 28: Oh, Dear Ernesto!

2010-11-09T14:02:00.000-08:00

As you well know, I did not update my blog last Tuesday. The world shuddered on its axis for a moment, but then stabilized and moved on. I have been instructed by the Fabulous Fashion Goddess (Jordan) that this one must be awesome. It is a requirement for our continued friendship.

How can I take this pressure? Do you know what this is like? Can you understand?!

No. You can't. Because you don't know what it is like. You can't possibly comprehend the weight of tens of people's adoration. I have so much to prove!

At times, the burden is too much. I just can't take it. I must crawl into a hole behind LeConte and curl up with my dear feral cat friend, who expects nothing and gives me nothing.

LINDSAY: Oh, dear Ernesto! (for this is what I have named Feral Cat)
ERNESTO: Meow. (Translation: I hate you.)
LINDSAY: Only you want nothing from me!
ERNESTO: Meow meow. (Translation: You look like you are going to steal my tuna. Back away slowly.)
LINDSAY: I can tell by your sweet voice that you want me to come closer.
ERNESTO: Rowl! (Translation: I'm going to eat your face!)

Ernesto will come around someday.*

Where shall I start?

Last week and the week before were spent studying like crazy. First for my history test, and then for my genetics test.

Also, interminable time was spend in my biochemistry class. That, my friends, is because of the Lecture That Would Not End.

The Lecture That Would Not End was a terrible thing. I now have the most boring professor in my scholastic history, possibly the scholastic history of the world. Every Tuesday and Thursday, time seems to slow down to a crawl and he talks until I want to die.

On a specific day, he came to the end of one set of slides. We were ahead on the syllabus, and poor pitiful Garrett thought that maybe we would get out early.

Garrett was wrong.

The Professor began a new set of slides! He then proceeded to make simple concepts the most confusing known to man.

He only finished that lecture this morning.

And then... New slides!

I have to stop, because I'm getting bored just thinking about it. This disease of boring is probably catching. I got it from him, and now I'm communicating it across the internet straight into your hearts! THE HORROR.

Thursday night, after the genetics test, Boyfriend took me to an aerial dance show! It was really awesome. It was Date Night for the Foundation Fellows and Ramsey Scholars. Yes, you read that right. Date Night.

Apparently every year, this show lets them come in for the dress rehearsal. They are then encouraged to bring their significant other.

Obviously this is a scheme. They think I don't see through them, but I do. The Honors Program wants the smart people to date so they will be properly socialized, then eventually marry someone, and then have genius babies who are loyal to UGA!

This is an attempt to create a genius army to foil my world takeover. It is as plain as the nose on my face.

I shared my revelation with Boyfriend. He was not as supportive as I would have liked.

LINDSAY: ...Don't you see it?!
BOYFRIEND: You're crazy.
LINDSAY: You wound me.

Speaking of Boyfriend, Saturday his parents came down for the game and we had a tailgate. It was fun. They got to meet our crazy friends, who were all remarkably sane for the occasion.

The game was fine. We won. It was a little bit boring, though. After a certain point, we had our third string in, so the a lot fans were leaving.

After the game we went back and saw Boyfriend's parents some more. His mom gave me a lot of food, which was awesome. She can obviously tell that the way into my heart is through food.

About mid-afternoon, I started to feel a little bit cruddy. At first I thought it was about allergies, because I wasn't around anyone sick.

Saturday night I didn't really sleep. Sunday, Collegium headed to Augusta for our joint-concert with DFA. I really thought about calling Dr. Andaya and telling her I felt awful, but I couldn't.

We got to Augusta and practiced for a long time. My voice was almost completely gone, and I felt like I had a fever. During the actual concert, I felt like I was shaking and freezing, and I couldn't really concentrate.

I got through it, though. Yesterday I stayed home from class and rested, and today I feel much better. This week is pretty light, so I have some time to relax.

And that brings us to today! I'll try to have some crazy times this week to entertain you all. I hope this was epic enough for Fabulous Fashion Goddess. If not, I'm sorry. But remember-

Lindsaytopia is near!**

*None of this actually happened. Except in my heart.

**Disclaimer: This angel cat is not Ernesto The Cat. Ernesto is feral and terrifying, and not to be approached.

Chronicle Number 27: It's Gettin' Hot in Here, So- Oh Jeez I'm Going to Die

2010-10-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

It is hot in here. I feel the need to tell you that it is LIKE A SAUNA IN MY APARTMENT.

I might expire.

You might say, "Turn on the air-conditioning, Lindsay!"

To that, I reply "AIR CONDITIONING IS FOR THE WEAK."

Our windows are all open, and it's lovely outside, but for some reason all that lovely air is not entering. However, it is making it very hard to study. Speaking of that, I should probably be doing more of that right now, but I'm hot and tired and I promised myself I would update every Tuesday.

See? I'm being good.

Aigh, my butt keeps sticking to this chair. This is highly uncomfortable.

Gah, Corinne is laughing at me. I'm so tragically misunderstood.

But you lovely 5 people who read this did not come here to read about me whining about the temperature. You came to read me waxing eloquently about various Subjects That Matter, such as World Peace and Harsher Punishments for Parole Violators.

Or maybe you came to read about demon squirrels, whatever.

This weekend Brianna visited me! My dearest bud from faraway journeyed miles to arrive at my door, carrying a blue suitcase and an excellent jacket. She regaled me with tales of a strange kingdom called Japan, and updated me on the status of Baby Bunny Boat, otherwise known as her boyfriend, Scot.

She met Boyfriend, and seems to approve. Boyfriend says he likes her. Of course, Boyfriend knows what and what not to say.

We went to Megan's dance show, which was epic! Megan looked great. Megan performing also means that her mom came down. She brought us food! I have decided that everything she makes tastes of rainbows and happiness.

Fun stuff has happened in the last week, just nothing that is really easily turned into fun stories. I might also just not be feeling creative, seeing as I'm being baked.

I'm sorry, I can't concentrate in this horror. I never said every Tuesday update would be good.

Until next time, remember-

Lindsaytopia is watching you.

Chronicle Number 26: Enter Stage Left, A Vile Beastie

2010-10-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'm like a particularly bad case of the flu- contagious and back with a vengeance! I might even make you vomit... With laughter!

I know that you have been waiting with baited breath for my words. You should stop this, because not breathing is bad. It causes problems, and I don't like problems. The only people who shouldn't be breathing are Corinne and Erin, and only on cold dewy mornings when I instruct them to cease respiration, because if they don't I won't be able to see out the windshield and we shall all die. Besides, only the driver needs to be conscious, right? Right.

Last week wasn't so bad. But brace yourself for next Tuesday's blog. This week=HORROR.

That's an important equation. Remember it.

So, after last Tuesday's blog, I spent most of my time until Thursday working on my history presentation. I'm not even going to go into what it was about, because it was super confusing and you probably don't want me to explain it to you. It would take 20 minutes.

Also, last week I was sick . I don't know what it was but the symptoms manifested themselves as a slight cough, throat ache, and MIND-NUMBING EXHAUSTION. I felt sick, but not terribly so, and I thought I should be able to do things. But instead, I wanted to fall over and go to the sweet sweet sugar land of my dreams.

This is not conducive to activity. I BLAME YOU, BOYFRIEND.

LINDSAY: Lalala, I have avoided all of the sickness of my roommates! I have the best immune system ever!
BOYFRIEND: *cough*
LINDSAY: Waaaaiiiiiit... You're ill. Get away from me.
BOYFRIEND: No I'm not. I'm fine, really!
LINDSAY: Okay...
BOYFIEND: No, really, I'm fine. Look at me, I'm so reasonable, blah blah blah. Give me a smooch.
LINDSAY: I believe you, I'm a naturally trusting person. *smooch*

DAYS LATER:

LINDSAY: *cough cough hack hack*

It is all his fault. I demand shiny things to make up for this.

I managed to get my presentation finished, in spite of great adversity all caused by Boyfriend. Then I gave him, Erin and Corinne the presentation for practice and he was mean to me.

Okay, that isn't true, I was just touchy. Sorry, Boyfriend.

The presentation went okay, I guess. I was very worried about it, and I felt gross while giving it.

MY PERCEPTION OF THIS PRESENTATION:

LINDSAY: Marghle barghle confusion confusion *snore*

BUT ACCORDING TO MY TEACHER AND FELLOW STUDENTS, IT WENT MORE LIKE THIS:

LINDSAY: I am extraordinarily eloquent and creative!

Seriously, who knew? ...Don't answer that.

Friday night was Susana's play, and it was awesome! I can't really describe it here, but shout out to her- it was amazing and I loved it and she's the hot theatre goddess of my world. You can quote me on that in your autobiography, Susana.

I went to the football game on Saturday, and we won. I continue never having been to a game we've lost. This obviously means that I am a magical being, probably a gnome or a unicorn. I think "gnome" is more likely.

When I tell you about Sunday, this blog takes a turn from its normal genre. It shall become- a Horror Novel!!!

This Horror Novel!!! consists of a Horror Novel!!! creature.

A... *insert horror music here*

COCKROACH!!!!!!

THERE WAS A COCKROACH ON OUR CEILING.

We couldn't kill it because WE HAVE VAULTED CEILINGS.

Also I AM A WIMP WHO CANNOT APPROACH COCKROACHES. And Boyfriend was far away at a mock trial competition and COULD NOT SLAY THE VILE BEAST FOR ME.

And yes, to answer the question you have- yes. Yes, I would make Boyfriend drive to my apartment from his dorm and kill a roach for me. It is my Sacred Right as a Girl Afraid of Cockroaches.

So Susana, Corinne and I are shrieking, and Megan walks in from outside.

US: MEGAN KILL IT MEGAN FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT.
MEGAN: Um, what?

We explained the problem. (By "explained," I of course mean "went into hysterics and pointed.")

While they devised a plan, I ran around in circles. Literally. We were finally victorious using a broom, a blanket, and several shoes. Don't ask. Henceforth, Megan will be known as "Intrepid Young Adult Slayer of Vile Beasties."

Don't judge me. I'm not proud.

I would talk about boring studying that went on, but I really don't think that anything will top this tale of the Vile Beastie, so I'm going to stop.

Until next time- Lindsaytopia is with you!

Chronicle Number 25: Empress and Poet Laureate? It's All Too Much!

2010-10-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

Behind LeConte Hall
Stalked by mangy felines
I update again.

For some reason, I felt it best that it be stated in the form of a haiku. Maybe it will become a theme.

Much has happened in the last week. Actually, it seems that it has been a week of extreme inactivity punctuated with episodes of bustle.

Before Thursday night
Our Hero was studying
Must not fail a test.

Thursday night was my second genetics test, which I felt I did pretty well on. Not great, but okay. Hopefully we'll get the tests back tomorrow.

Boyfriend came and studied with me (well, he was studying law and I was studying genetics) which was interesting... He was consigned to the edge to read while I had all my books spread out in a circle, my preferred method of study. He didn't complain... much. Okay, he didn't complain at all, but he's funny when I accuse him of things he didn't do.

Trapped in a Maize Maze
For two-and-a-half hours
AIGH! I am in hell.

Yes. Friday night, I spent hours trapped in a corn maze. It was super fun... For the first hour. I still spent a fun dinner with the Collegium, and it was a good bonding thing. After all, being trapped in hell with someone, it really brings you closer.

Saturday morning
Munching on cinnamon buns
Dressed in red and black.

As Little and Big would say (AKA Jordan and Boyfriend) "FOOOOOOTBAAAAAALL!"

It was fun! Even though I was hot. And we had to park super far away. We won! Every game I've gone to, we've won. Obviously I am magical. And I got a lemon icy thing. Balance is restored.

Dressed up, yet again
Six-month anniversary
I guess I like him.

Yes, yes. It was Boyfriend and my six-months. It doesn't seem that long! But I think I will keep him around.

Sunday with Merlin
Monday in class and with books
Hurray! T'was my week.

Must go, the feline is back.

Chronicle Number 24: Mutant Killer Attack Squirrels

2010-09-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting here, on a bench outside of LeConte Hall. I'm hanging out, waiting for Collegium to start, and I have run out of things to do on the internet.

Yes. You read that right. I have run out of things to do on the internet. I used to think that was impossible, but as I sat here and gradually rummaged though all the sites I ever go to, and they became more and more, well, embarrassing, I realized there was one thing I haven't done in a long, long time. Write a blog.

I've been avoiding it. There comes a critical point at which it's a bit strange to pick something up after you have left it so long. Also, there is the little voice inside me, who is quite loudly insisting that I am a bad, bad person for not writing for so long.

I try to ignore this little voice. You see, you listen to the little voice (which disney tells you is what is truly in your heart), about blogs and everyone says it's okay, but that one time you listen to it about drawing mutant killer attack squirrels all over your roommates genetics homework, well then everyone is just looking at you like you're crazy.

Ahem. Right.

So much has happened in the past months, that it seems almost pointless to get it all down. I really only have about five more minutes to kill, so I'll be quick.

Went to Italy. AWESOME.

Worked a lot. NOT SO AWESOME.

Am back at school. A MIX OF AWESOME AND SUCK.

Classes seem to be going alright. I joined Collegium Musicum, a choir focusing on early work. I am alternatively terrified and elated.

There is a boyfriend. All of you should have already known that. Though I am no longer the intrepid teenage hero, because I am not a teen, I wonder- is he the intrepid teenage boyfriend? I am not a teen, but he is... In other news, I'm a puma.

I should head to East Campus, but I'll be back.

If I'm not, you know who to blame. (Mutant Killer Attack Squirrels!)

Chronicle Number 23: None of That "Logic" or "Rationality" Here, Please

2010-03-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Dear friends, I am back. Please insert a rambling apology for never writing here: _______.

Okay, done? Well, I guess I'll just dive right in, then.

I'm going to Italy! I'm sure that most of you had heard of this, but I figured I should just inform you again. I'll be setting off on May 8th. My program ends on the 2nd of June, but my intrepid mother will be flying over for two weeks to tour after it finishes. I'm so excited, and it doesn't even seem real. I've been yammering at Corinne to teach me some Italian, but she has been singularly uncooperative. Of course, this probably has more to do with me than with her.

LINDSAY: Cooooriiiiiinne....
CORINNE: (sensing doom) ...Yes?
LINDSAY: Teach me Italian!
CORINNE: Okay, what do you want to know?
LINDSAY: How do you say, "Where's the party"?!
CORINNE: ...No.
LINDSAY: What about, "Dance with me, you fool!"
CORINNE: You fill me with despair.
LINDSAY: Fine. *sigh* How do I find the airport?

She's taught me how ask where the airport is about five times, and I still can't remember.

The last couple months have been completely insane, I tell you. I think I really just forgot this blog even existed. I had a test (or two) every week for five weeks, then spring break, then an organic chemistry test. That adds to me running about like a crazy person trying to get my Italy stuff in, and well... You know what happens. Everything has been a whirlwind.

Things have been going pretty well, with the exception of Microbiology (grrr) and this last O-chem test, but more on that later.

It's been finalized, I'll be living in an apartment next year. I've already signed a lease, and will be living with Susanna, Megan, and Corinne in Lakeside Apartments here in Athens. It's a year-long lease, so I'll probably stay for the summer and take classes. It'll give me some time to fit in fun classes I don't have time for, (like psychology) and maybe retake O-chem 2211 for a better grade.

I'm looking forward to living in an apartment. A lot of people don't really understand why I want to live out of the dorms, and I totally get their perspective. However, Kristina is an RA next year, so she wouldn't be living with us, and I really want to give some other girls the opportunity to live in the suite as well. I've had a great year here, and I want other people to get that experience. Also, it will save me some money to live in an apartment and be off the meal-plan.

As you know, spring break was a couple weeks ago. That was a lot of fun, even if it did kind of knock me out of my test-taking rhythm. We did not get to go to Harry Potter World, because it doesn't open until June 18th. I find it very misleading that they said it would open in the spring. Obviously, I was on spring break, and therefore it was spring, and the park should be open. And June is not, by my estimation, the "spring." June is summer.

And don't give me that hooey about the "calendar" and "solstices" and "the turning of the earth." (Mark, I'm looking at you.) June is the summer and you know what I say to anyone who says differently? PBBBBBBT!

On a more serious note, things have taken a nosedive in my organic chem class. I did so well on the first test (way above the average) and then just bombed the second test. I wouldn't really be sharing this (I don't want to worry anyone) but it really has helped me come to a realization.

This isn't me. I think the reason I did so poorly is that I gave up. I fell back into last semester's pattern of seeing something that was really hard, thinking that I would fail at it, and believing that. I get the impression that a lot of the chemistry professors just don't think that any of us can do this, and they make it very clear that they are expecting a lot of us to fail.

I'm in no way saying that this is all of them. I've had teachers like Dr. Kutal (spring 2009) and Dr. Locklin (now), who genuinely care about us and want us to do well.

But this isn't about them. I've had bad teachers before, and what was my response? "I'll show them." Not "Woe is me, they're right, I'll never succeed," depression, but more of a righteous anger that they underestimated me.

Anywho, I slipped back into giving up, but I'm not going to do that again. Why? Because giving up is easy. Giving up is a cop out. And I don't cop out.

So the experience has been kind of disheartening, but I can come out of this stronger than I was before. Okay, serious speech over.

I miss everybody at home a lot, but I have an optimistic view for the future. I'll be home for Easter!

Remember people, though I may disappear into the mists of the internet for months at a time- Lindsaytopia lives on in the hearts of all.

Chronicle Number 22: Diary of a White Woman with Deeply Rooted Confidence Issues

2010-01-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

So. This blog really hasn't existed in the last year. Admittedly, that is completely my fault. Every time I sit down to start writing, it just seems there is nothing to say. This is ridiculous, because my life has been so busy lately that it would be impossible to have nothing to talk about.

Today is January 30th, and while I can't promise to be better (it might be a lie) I can promise to try.

What is going on in the life of Lindsay? I know you are all wondering! Well, I'm now in my second semester of sophomore year here at UGA. Things, while not going completely swimmingly, have been reasonably okay. Of course, by "reasonably okay" I generally mean that I haven't started running around in circles shrieking yet, but don't count that out.

I'm taking four science classes. I vacillate between horror and thinking that it really isn't that bad. After all, at least they aren't all upper level courses... and I don't have four labs... I can do it! Heh....

On the positive side, my Organic Chemistry teacher seems pretty awesome. He is really good at explaining complicated things and relating them to the real world. It does result in some pretty interesting times while studying, though.

LINDSAY: Corinne! It's beautiful! This all makes sense, finally!
CORINNE: That's great!
LINDSAY: ...But what if it doesn't make sense? What if I'm crazy and I just think it makes sense but I'm wrong?
CORINNE: I make it a point not to talk to you when you get this way. I will now proceed to give you a pointed "My roommate has deeply rooted confidence issues" look.
LINDSAY: I see that pointed look. I know it means that I'm terrible at Organic Chemistry. Why? WHY?!
CORINNE: If you stop whining I'll give you a Cheerwine.
LINDSAY: ...Okay.

This really happens! Well, it is always possible that I am making it all up. But it's always true in my heart!

Physics and microbiology are utterly uninteresting. This is sad, but I'm dealing with it. I'm hoping micro will get more fun when we get into the actual organisms instead of talking about the cell wall and peptidoglycan. And when our professor realizes that yes, we are all sophomores and juniors in college, and yes, we should all know the meaning of words like "inert."

Biochemistry, however, now that's a hoot. And by "hoot" of course I mean "perhaps this class has been sent to finish off what was left of my soul."

It actually isn't the class itself... How to explain? The information is complicated, and there's a lot of it, but there isn't anything I can't handle (so far). The teacher actually seems like a really nice guy and very passionate about his part of the class. However, it is the fact that there are rants every Tuesday and Thursday (you could set your clock by them) which always go something like this:

PROFESSOR: Look at these quiz averages! Half the class didn't do well.
LINDSAY: Ah, yes. I didn't get to study for this one, I had my first lab... I'm really sorry, I'll do better next time.
PROFESSOR: This means that half the class is going FAIL HORRIBLY. You CANNOT CATCH UP.
LINDSAY: ...Wha-
PROFESSOR: This is FAST-PACED. You WILL NEVER LEARN IT.
LINDSAY: But-
PROFESSOR: You will NEVER get into ANY medical school or graduate school.
LINDSAY: I-
PROFESSOR: If you FAILED this you will FAIL the TEST and then FAIL the COURSE and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
LINDSAY: Instead of learning today, I think I shall be paralyzed by fear. It will be a party.

In all seriousness, it almost seems as if he has just written half of us off. And if we mess up once, we're just goners. I don't respond well to this "method" of "teaching." As stated above, I slowly become paralyzed with terror and then am of no use at all.

Not quite there yet, though. Really, for the amount of stuff I'm doing I think I'm okay.

Well, there is the rundown! Hopefully it will sustain you for a little while, as you wait for the return of my glorious presence.

Just remember, no matter where I am- Lindsaytopia is always with you!

Chronicle Number 21: Liar Liar Full of Lies (But Still Not As Bad As China)

2009-11-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

I probably should have written over the summer, because it seems that I have gotten out of the habit. Several times I have come to this blog, and even begun writing an entry, and then I would be hit with the vile writer's block. Either that, or the fact that I really had nothing to write down, stopped me in my tracks.

But I am the Empress, obviously, and something as simple as writer's block shall not stop me! Having nothing to say has never stopped me from talking before!

It isn't as if nothing has happened, really. It's more of a "so much has happened and it's all stupid class stuff that no one wants to hear about anyway." It isn't very interesting to talk about how I have another test, yet again. Oh, and a paper due, again. Woot Woot.

So, let's just have an overview, I suppose.

Ta Suite is pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself. We all get along well, and there has been no serious drama to speak of. Megan is pretty much studying, Susana is apparently a ginko leaf, Corinne alternates between dealing with my crazy and generally being a mother hen, Kristina is... well, she's just herself, and Heidi plays video games and curses a lot.

They have even come to accept and expect the inarticulate cries of despair that emit from my room every Tuesday.

I'm actually pretty sure that you could set your clock by it. Pretty much every Tuesday (because you know I'll always say I want my lab done early, and will get it done early, but that is a filthy LIE) I work on my lab for about two hours and sink slowly into the chemistry filled abyss.

LINDSAY: *Work work work*
CORINNE: I shall simply wait here.
Time passes
LINDSAY: *work work work*
CORINNE: Tralalala... almost time...
Right on cue:
LINDSAY: Maaaarrrgh! Maaaaaaaargh!
CORINNE: Time! Oh, sweetie, what is it? Let me fix it for you.
LINDSAY: *points at screen* MAAARGH!
CORINNE: Ah, I see.
KRISTINA: *pokes her head in the door* Lab time?
LINDSAY: Margh.
KRISTINA: Ah, I see.
CORINNE: Here. It works like this.
LINDSAY: Ah, I see.

It usually works out in the end, and I've been doing reasonably well on the labs, but there is always that point when I work on them that I can no longer function on an understandable level. It pretty much works out as a few hours of lab work, then cue the groaning and the wretched facebook status updates.

Other then class, things have been going pretty well. Quizbowl is quizbowl, full of drama that I thought I had left behind when I left behind middle school, but I think that's the only thing to be expected when you are surrounded by boys who have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.

But it is still lots of fun, and Jordan makes me laugh with all the outrageous things she says. The new people are actually very cool, so it's all worth it.

I could tell you about my classes more, but they either defy description or I would rather avoid describing them, and thus avoid thinking about them. A short summary, one by one, would be that political science is made of awesome. It has turned out to be one of my favorite classes, and I love that every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have a teacher that makes me cut through all the crap and figure out what I believe and why. 19th century European History is a class that probably shouldn't have taken, not being much one for modern history. However, my teacher is ridiculous, and it almost makes the class worth it to see him running into walls (then yelling at them) and pretending to walk turtles down the streets of Victorian London. See, I told you it defied description. Finally, chemistry and physics are full death and pain, especially physics, and I am hoping and praying for good grades.

I think that's the end for now... I'll write more later!

Really! I mean it this time!

Totally sincere.

Would I lie to you?

Chronicle Number 20: You Haven't Seen the Crazy Yet

2009-09-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... What to write about?

You didn't want to hear from me for the last two weeks. No, seriously. All I would have been doing would be "Woe, woe, woe is me, come and reside in the black hole of depression with me."

Do you want that in your life? The answer is no, you don't.

To put jokes aside for a moment, these last few weeks have been pretty bad. You know those days where it seems like nothing can go right? Everything that seems to happen only happens because it will make it that much harder for you to get by?

I know everyone has had them- otherwise they wouldn't really exist. So now imagine about 14 of those days all in a row. That's been me for the last two weeks.

I don't really want to talk about those days, because who does? I don't want to be one of those teens who whines, and I don't really know what to say about the whole thing. Suffice it to say that it has been hard, it culminated in several of my suitemates meeting hysterical!Lindsay last night, and things will be better. Today was good, and what can we do but take things on a day to day basis?

On Friday I will have the Watson-Brown dinner, which should be fun. I will be spending the evening with the Intrepid Teenage Officer, Jordan.

Saturday... I... am... going... TO THE DECEMBERIST'S CONCERT.

EVERYONE READING THIS:...So what?

The Decemberist's are my favorite band, and they wrote what basically amounts to a rock opera, and they are only performing it on one tour, and I GET TO GO.

Super-duper excited!

I love you all, and I promise to be more amusing next time. :)

Chronicle Number 19:In Sickness and in Health, 'Till Chemistry Do Us Part

2009-08-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaack! I know you missed me terribly. What did you do without Lindsay to brighten your life? I honestly don't know. You see, I am never without myself.

About that whole "writing over the summer" thing... Didn't do that, as you can probably tell. (Unless your withdrawal from Lindsay has caused hallucinations, which would not be completely implausible). I have reasons! Really really good ones!

No, actually I am simply hideously lazy. Also, nothing seemed to really happen over the summer, because my possible jobs kept falling through, so all this blog basically would have consisted of was the slow degeneration of my mind from optimism to complete bored madness.

STAGE #1, OPTIMISM: So... job fell through. Major suckage... However, I am plucky and tough! Something will come along and things will be better!

STAGE #2, DEPRESSION: Why did this happen to meeee??? What did I do wrong???? Am I not good enough for a job???? Don't you love me??? I'm going to be POOR my WHOLE LIFE and DIE ALONE. *sob*

STAGE #3, BARGAINING: If I can get a job, I promise to be really really good! So good! I will make good grades, and be nice to children and animals, and be a lot more like Megan! Pleeeeaaase?

STAGE #4, BOREDOM: I have nothing to do. Noooothing to dooooo.... And yet I still have no desire to clean the house... Contemplating learning how to scrapbook. (CORINNE: Lindsay! LINDSAY! For the love of Sarah Rees Brennan, snap out of it! Come back to me, come back to me!)

STAGE #5, UTTER INSANITY: The dire question of my life is "Is Mike going to choose Susan or Edie on Desperate Housewives?"

So yes, did you really want to experience that? I didn't think so.

There were some really good times this summer, such as going to the Dominican Republic with Corinne and her family, which was CRAZYSUPERAWESOME, but almost too much happened that week to write it down, and I still can't really talk about it without wistfully wishing I was back on the beach.

At the end of the summer, I got the CutCo job, which is actually a lot of fun, and I made good money, but it's not exactly interesting material.

LINDSAY: Here's a knife! Look what it can do! Ta Awesome!

And, well, now I'm back here. For as long as I can be... (Until Chemistry doth us part, which it will. I can vow that.) I am going to try to update a lot more, but as you know, there are no guarantees.

The suite is crazy, and a lot of fun, so there will definitely be some stories about that to come. I really feel like this can be a great year, because now I really have the hang of UGA (lots fewer ACK! moments) and I can really focus on improving things instead of just hanging on.

Now to the obligatory questioning! What should I write about? Of course I'll include anything cool or funny that happens to me, but what else do you want to hear about? Is it

A: My Suities?
B: My Classes/Professors?
C: My daily beauty regimen? (How do I keep these glowingly perfect looks?)

BTW, I will only laugh at you if you pick C.

Anywho, I loves you all! And don't worry, Lindsaytopia will prevail!

Chronicle Number 18: Chronicle the Last?

2009-05-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well, the last chronicle before summer, methinks. That is a question, though, because I am wondering. Does my lovely audience want me to continue through summer? Is there demand for the trials and tribulations of Lindsay? If so, there is this thing called a "comment." It means that you click down at the bottom of this, on "Give Props" and then you write something along the lines of "Yes Lindsay, we love you! Write some more, please!" or perhaps "This last month when you haven't written has been the best of my life. Please stop immediately." Then I shall decide whether to continue this through the summer.

So, what has happened in the past month? Well, there were about two weeks when nothing was going on. I had virtually no work, and I relaxed a lot and read several books. Of course, I would probably have enjoyed that more if I hadn't had a deep sense of impending doom. You see, it's the evil teacher meetings.

I'm certain of it. They give you a couple weeks to lure you into a sense of false security, and then WHAM! They all hit you with tests/projects/essays at once.

It's kind of like a bunny trap.

BUNNY TRAP: Come here, little bunny! See, I have food for you!
BUNNY: Hmmmm, no. I don't think so. You see, you killed my brother and my uncle and my grandmother and now you are out to get me!!!
BUNNY TRAP: No no no. See, I cannot get you! All I want is for you to eat some of these lovely carrots.
BUNNY: Well, those carrots are lovely.... Perhaps I will just reach a paw in and get one. *reaches, nothing happens.*
BUNNY TRAP: See? I didn't try to hurt you! Come inside.
BUNNY: This time must be different. The trap didn't try to hurt me at all. *goes inside*
BUNNY TRAP: WHAM! Bwhahahaha! Got you!
BUNNY: Dang flabbit.

You see! The bunny is lulled into a false sense of security, and then captured at the first opportunity!

However, I am smarter than the average bunny. Of course I began my work early, all the better to finish it and lead a happy life full of rollicking good times.

...

Okay, I admit it. That's a lie.

I didn't begin my work early, and therefore went completely insane (as I am wont to do) for the last two weeks pretty much slaving nonstop.

There was a sort of incident in Anthropology, which I don't really want to talk about because it is depressing, but I think everything is turning out alright. I've got two exams, on Thursday and Friday. And then I will be at home on Saturday!

There has been some confusion over jobs, but hopefully that will work out.

Anywho, enough with the boringness. I'm off to study, and I will yak yak yak (as I am also wont to do) when I get home.

Au revoir, mes amis!

Chronicle Number 17: Woe, Woe, Woe is Me

2009-04-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

I return to you, out of the mists of time, in my small boat upon the sea that is college life. The trials and tribulations of my journey have been many, and I have willfully, stoically persevered. I'm just noble and true like that.

I really do feel quite guilty, but writing about it will merely take up precious time and space, and therefore, [insert "Blah blah blah I'm sorry for not writing" speech of your choice here.]

Let us go back, back into those mists of time, into the days long before the present. Of course, I'm talking about spring break.

Now, I had been pretty down before spring break, with the usual "woe, woe is me, I don't want to be here, when is spring break?" I'm pretty sure that is a symptom of all students around April/March. I had a Plan, y'all! It was a great Plan too.

I was going to go to the beach with Corinne and Erin, have tons of fun, lay out on the beach, go to St. Augustine, relax. And then I was going to come back to UGA refreshed and with an open mind, ready to soak up information like a lovely green sponge. (Yes, I would be a green sponge, just accept it.) But as is with most of my plans, this one failed.

Instead of coming back relaxed and refreshed, I came back as "Woe, woe is me, I don't want to be here, where did the beach go, and when is summer break?"

It was a sad state of affairs.

Spring break was simply to great. I spent a great deal of time dozing on the sunny beach, listening to the waves... I ignored my school work, because I had already decided that that is what I would do. I went to Universal Studios with the intrepid teenage sidekicks.

...I should stop talking about this, because I am going to fall into another depression from beach-lack.

Suffice it to say, it was super fantabulous.

I then came back to UGA, and began classes. I have been in a pretty terrible mood, with breaks of course, but it didn't really end until a few nights ago I was lying in bed feeling sorry, when I said to myself

LINDSAY: Self, get over it. You've got five more weeks, you should buck up.
SELF: But I don't wanna! I want to be emo and sit in a corner and cry fat tears that drip down my face ever so slowly and read Edgar Allen Poe!
LINDSAY: Am I going to have to slap somebody?
SELF: Well, now that you mention it perhaps it's time to take a more optimistic view of things.
LINDSAY: That's what I thought, self.

Besides, Erin has an inordinate amount of chinese tests, and an o-chem test today, which results in

ERIN: I'm going to die! I'm going to fail out of the honors program and then out of college and then I'm going to serve burgers at McDonald's and live on minimum wage and become a drunk and DIE!
CORINNE: This sounds slightly like someone else we know.
LINDSAY: I deny everything.

So yes, Erin and I both have a slight propensity for over-dramatization. And really, there's only room for one friend running about like a chicken with its head cut off. This week, Erin is the chicken.

This mood was not helped by the resurgence of late night girl woes, which are common nasty pitfalls in Girl World. They mainly consist of

STEREOTYPICAL GIRL: Woe, woe, woe is me! Why do I not have a manfolk of my very own?

Well, I am female, and thus fall into these pits of woe, but 98% of the time I wake up the next morning with a new view of the world.

LINDSAY: I don't want a manfolk of my very own! They take up time and energy! You have to feed them and walk them and if you pay too much attention to the dancing boys the manfolk whines!

So things (in spite of the previous few weeks,) are going quite well. I am pretty sure that my last chemistry test was terrible, but I get to drop a grade so I'll be fine. I just love those tests when all the material is easy and yet the professor manages to make the test extraordinarily difficult... And by "love" I mean "hate with a burning passion of my SOUL."

Well, I'm off again to navigate the seas of college on my raft! Know that all is done in the pursuit of Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 16: I Am A Hot Hot Thang

2009-03-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

Oh, yes. I'm sure you knew it, but it has been confirmed. Your intrepid hero was honked at while walking down the road. It must be because I'm just that good looking...

Okay, perhaps I was not "walking" down the sidewalk. Perhaps I was dancing. Perhaps this dancing involved imitating Hugh Grant in Music and Lyrics. Perhaps Hugh Grant in Music and Lyrics does a fair bit of... swinging his hips.

Perhaps.

But I'm sure that had nothing to do with it.

It did lead to some interesting conversation, such as while at O-house

PAUL: I got honked at while driving here!
LINDSAY: Really?! So did I!
PAUL: ...You don't have a car here...
LINDSAY: It was because they think I'm delicious.
PAUL: ...

Now, what you all must be wondering about one thing. Snow, of course! The "Great Blizzard" of 2009. This title prompts Corinne to go into hysterics.

CORINNE: Blizzard?! BLIZZARD?! DO YOU GEORGIANS NOT KNOW WHAT SNOW IS?!?!?
LINDSAY: *To everyone staring* She's from Michigan. All that cold turns the brain.
EVERYONE: Ah. That explains all.
CORINNE: I HATE YOU ALL!

It was probably the most snow I've ever seen in my life, true. I have mixed feelings on the whole thing, because while it was fun, it really messed things up for me. Mom and I were supposed to go to Swan Lake Sunday night. I had the whole day planned, but the ballet was cancelled and Mom went home early. *sadness*

GOD: You ask for snow every winter of your life. "Give me a snow day, pleeaaase," you beg. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME???

I really shouldn't complain... But t'was disappointing. I think the big kicker was that class was not cancelled on Tuesday, regardless of the fact that all of the roads outside the UGA campus were iced over and students driving in had to choose to brave winter roads that they've never had any experience driving on or miss class/midterms.

...As you can probably tell, I am not upset over this at all.

In all seriousness, a lot of people got hurt, because many sidewalks were iced over completely and the busses weren't all running until late. Why, you ask? Because they couldn't get out of the parking lot!

So anywho, classes were cancelled on Monday, so I had a snow day but missed crucial chemistry review, and consequently did not do as well as I wanted to on the test (haven't got the grade back, but I'm pretty sure I got a B). I'm not too happy, but I am now going to stop bringing you down and move on to happier topics!

Next week is spring break!!! I am going to Jacksonville, Florida! I am going to lounge on the beach and turn goldeny brown and bury myself under a pile of books!

I am also forcing my friends to love Austen the way I do!

LINDSAY: Read this one, and this one!!! MWHAHAHA!
CORINNE & ERIN: It really isn't that big a deal, sweetie.

Speaking of Corinne, she briefly went "insane" over Organic Chemistry. I put insane in quotes because her idea of "insane" is quite different from mine.

LINDSAY INSANITY:

LINDSAY: Oh, LORD!!! I SHALL EXPIRE! I HATE CHEMISTRY AND ITS FACE! IT MAKES BABY JESUS CRY! I SHALL FAIL OUT OF COLLEGE AND JOIN A CONVENT! IT WILL BE LOVELY.
EVERYONE ELSE IN THE DORM: *laugh laugh laugh* We are having a rollicking good time! Yay, being history majors!
LINDSAY: How can you ignore my pain?! Curse you and your happiness!
CORINNE: Hush, Lindsay, it will be alright.

CORINNE INSANITY:

CORINNE: I'm really worried about this test...
LINDSAY: Hush, Corinne, it will be alright.

So, as you can see, we are completely different. She is so much more dramatic than me.

Hmmm, other events in the life of a Lindsay.

I think that I might... Strongly dislike my new genetics teacher. You see, they switch mid-semester. And I thought that this new one was going to be a better lecturer, but that was before I really had a true lecture from him. It's reasonable good, don't get me wrong. He has a strong voice, and he has clear notes. He goes slow enough that I don't get left behind when taking notes. It's the comments he peppers his lecture with...

NEW PROFESSOR: So, we had students do evaluations, and one had an interesting comment to make! Of course, he went on and on about how great I am...
ERIN:...Did he just say that?
LINDSAY: I think so.

NEW PROFESSOR:This theory I came up with, well, it's a real paradigm shift...
LINDSAY: Are you allowed to call your own theory a paradigm shift?

REALLY ARROGANT PROFESSOR: This isn't the way most would teach this to you, but hey- It's my class, we're reading my book, and it's my test.
LINDSAY: I don't think we're going to get along.
RAP: Tralalala! I'm amazing!

Well, this is all I can really think of for now. I need to go study for my Anthropology quiz in the morning.

Drama has been drama, and I'm just staying as clear as I am able. I love you all, and remember-

We will attain Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 15: Manipulation 101-Oh, What I Can Teach You, Grasshopper.

2009-02-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

So, I lied. I promised that I would treat you to my presence more often, but I have not. I apologize. I just don't know what you can do without me.

However, this does tie into my first subject of conversation. I think perhaps every semester may start out this way, with "Oh, I have plenty of time! I shall exercise every day, I shall write long blogs to my ardent followers, I shall begin recruitment of the dancing boys!"

Of course, this is met by my teachers with cackling laughter and 1000 word essays. I believe that perhaps at the start of every semester my naivety will be crushed.

Since it is on my mind, I feel the need to share about my (pause for the gnashing of teeth) lab TA. We shall call this a sub-chronicle, that of "Mr. Moody, or Someone. Is. Going. To. Die."

He starts off every lab with "To quote the Black Eyed Peas, let's get it started in here."

He tells Brittany Spears jokes.

They aren't funny.

...Lovely things also happen such as:

RANDOM GIRL: Yeah, I'm taking a spinning class.
MR. MOODY: I tried to take a spinning class, but I got dizzy!
RANDOM GIRL: ...Ha ha!(awkward laughter)
MR. MOODY: Get it? Dizzy! Heh heh!

This wouldn't be that bad, but he actually thinks he's funny! And it's obvious that if you don't laugh at his jokes then your lab grade is going down ten points.

I think I'm about to break. Today in lab, there was a slight unhinging of Lindsay.

LINDSAY: *ominously uncaps her pen, wielding it as a dagger*
ERIN, INTREPID LAB PARTNER: Lindsay, NO! I don't want my lab partner to be sent to jail!
LINDSAY: Just... a tiny... stab...

But it's okay, really! I'll be fine! And Erin (different Erin, friend-Erin isn't in my lab) is quite tall. She can hold me back.

Another reason I haven't been writing is that my life has been full of drama drama lately. Not fun. I decided to be done with girl drama in 10th grade, and it has decided to enter my life through 20 year old men... Oh, not girls fighting over guys, noooo, that would be expected. This is girl drama between the two STRAIGHT men.

This leads me to the title of this lovely chronicle. Boys, don't ever try to have drama the girl way. What I could teach you. You are mere grasshoppers, I am the master. Any girl is the master.

It's strange to me that more women aren't in politics... I think that living through your teen years as a female is like boot camp of political manipulation.

I think men are usually more sensible about this thing.

MAN 1: I'm mad at you!
MAN 2: O Rlly? Whachoo gonna do about it?
MAN 1: I'm gonna punch you in the parking lot!
*They fight*
MAN 2: You okay now?
MAN 1: Yup. We're cool. Let's grab a beer.

This is the way I see man drama, at least. If it isn't, I prefer to keep my illusions.

Anywho, yesterday night I was talking to my friend Jordan about the whole thing, and it led me to wonder if maybe our priorities are out of order.

LINDSAY: This awful, terrible thing happened, because people are petty and mean...
JORDAN: Oh, no!
LINDSAY: And this horrendous thing happened...
JORDAN: That sucks!
LINDSAY: Added to this horrific thing that occurred...
JORDAN: Crap...
LINDSAY: And Okon cut his hair.
JORDAN: THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!

I'm just hoping that it all blows over.

In good news, I've got somewhere to live next year! Corinne shall be my intrepid teenage roommate! Don't worry, Megan shall not disappear. She shall be an intrepid teenage suitemate.

I'm also figuring out where to go with my classes. Classes this semester are going swimmingly. This doesn't stop me from having meltdowns, of course, but I think that is just my way. :)

I'm off to watch a film for class tomorrow! And I really will try and write more often.

Really!

...

Chronicle Number 14: How I Wish I Hailed From Sea-Kitten High School.

2009-01-26T12:40:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I would be empress already if I hailed from sea kitten high school...

Now, I bet you're wondering what that even means. Well, that lovely organization we call PETA, (if only that stood for "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals." Then I'd so be in on that.) has decided that if perhaps we call fish "sea kittens" then people will... be nicer to them? You can even make your own sea kitten on their website. I can already tell how excited you must be. But anywho, this has led them to request Spearfish High School change their name to "Sea Kitten High School."

You can probably imagine what raptures of laughter I went into when I read about this.

LINDSAY: Sea kittens??? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

This of course led to conversations like:

OLD GENETICS TEACHER: And then they would shake the flies up in vials of radioactive dust and trace where they flew, to see....
LINDSAY: Erin, why doesn't PETA get all angry about the flies? Flies are people too!
ERIN: I don't know! Perhaps if we renamed flies "Winged Kittens," everything would change.

Perhaps my view is a bit skewed, seeing as one of my great goals in life is to hold a barbeque across from a PETA demonstration, hold up signs that said "MEAT IS MURDER- tasty tasty murder!" and laugh. I think I'd have to have fans to waft the smell of roasting pig over the horde of PETA members.

And me being the oh-so-sensitive person that I am, my second reaction is pretty much:

LINDSAY: Fry me up some sea kitten, yo!

What else has happened this week?

Well, my crazy TA broke his foot. This guy is sort of nuts, but I like him. We are now stuck in a tiny classroom without enough seats, but I'm never the very last person there, so I'm okay. Today for the second time, the TA was taking roll, and he looked up when he came to my name and was like

CRAZY TA: Oh. I know what you look like.
LINDSAY: ...I talk too much, don't I?
THE CORINNE IN MY HEAD: I'm pretty sure you should have realized this a long time ago.

I'm in a class with Erin, which is fun, because that means that I have someone to eat breakfast with and walk to class with on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Erin also provides lots of entertainment.

OLD GENETICS TEACHER: Can anybody tell me what type of plants exhibit this type of behavior?
ERIN: FERNS!
OGT:...
ERIN: Wait... Those aren't plants.
OGT:...
LINDSAY: Yes. Yes, Erin. They are plants.

It has been very very cold this last week, which Lindsay will not tolerate. I'm telling you, this needs to stop.

LINDSAY: Global warming, my bum.

It has also been freezing in my chemistry classroom. I'm pretty sure that they've had the AC on. This adds to my theory that the chemistry department secretly wants to kill us all. They're planning it, I'm telling you. Don't believe any crap they give you about me being taken out by rabid squirrels. It's a lie.

LINDSAY: Must... Pay... Attention...
OLD CHEMISTRY TEACHER: Wah wah wah wah wah...
LINDSAY: So... Cold...
OCT: Wah wah waaaaaah wah wah.
LINDSAY: Must... Pay... Oh, screw it. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I'm joking, I'm joking! I pay attention. But it is a trial. Woe is me.

That seems to be pretty much it. I went to a tournament in Atlanta on Saturday, which led to me starving a bit. When I got back, I pretty much blew into Corinne's room and was like, "FOOD. NOW. ORDER."

But it was fun, and I got to answer a question on John Irving, which made me super excited.

That's all from the college front. I'm going to try to update this more often, I know that makes you cry with joy.

And please, never forget...

We will attain Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number 13: All Hail Lindsay, Hot Goddess of the World

2009-01-18T19:21:00.000-08:00

The last of my entries was titled "Incommunicado" and that was definitely true. This last month (and a half) I have been extraordinarily uncommunicative. Really, I'm not going to say that's a bad thing, because I was home for much of that time, and I had pretty much decided that I wasn't going to update while I was in Augusta.

But anywho, I guess I shall just ramble on about my life (we will get to the title of this, eventually). I'm not in a terribly comic mood, so perhaps this will be a little boring... But hey, read on if you wish.

The last two weeks of the semester remain a sort of blur to me, as I don't think I was completely sane for much of the time. Then again, when am I ever? There was a lot of

LINDSAY: I will NEVER learn this, I am GOING TO FAIL out of college and DIE IN A GUTTER SOMEWHERE.
MEGAN: Um, you're scaring me, just a little. So I'm going to go.
LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk*

I also spent a great deal of time wandering about muttering about Russian tsars, electronic geometry, and logarithmic curves... Other times, I really don't know... I think I blocked it out. There was a moment after the math exam that apparently everyone in the classroom could hear me sobbing and... *shifty eyes* ...cursing... Please don't worry, honestly. I've never reacted that violently to an exam before, and I don't think I ever will again, but that was possibly the most hellish experience of my life. Corinne and I have come up with a metaphor for this entire situation.

You see, high school was like dancing. Through a meadow. With Patrick Dempsey (who, if you don't know, is a delicious hunkahunka burning man). Then we came to college, and suddenly the meadow turns into MORDOR and Patrick turns into SAURON and you're like "OMG, PATRICK! When did you turn into a GIANT FLAMING EYE???!!!!"

Then there came home time, and recovery, and general awesomeness. With that (and my grades, which were not as stellar as I would wish but still good) I realize that these were my first exams, and while hellish, now I know what I am dealing with and can freak out less next time.

Then I came back to Athens, which is both great and terrible. Great, because I missed Athens and having stuff to do, but also terrible because I'd finally gotten used to being with the family again and having nothing to do.

"But Lindsay," You ask, "Why have you not written to us? We miss you! How could you leave us this way?"

Well, my answer, though not particularly interesting, is just that nothing has really happened. I have been extraordinarily boring. (I know, I know, "Lindsay, nothing you do or say could ever bore us!") I've been mostly devoid of GAK! moments that provided hilarity last semester, and without those, the start of a new semester is mostly "Hi, let's talk about the syllabus." Other then that, much of my time was taken up by watching movies and catching up with friends, and obsessing about a certain mule-headed boy that I'm not really going to talk about here, because if he were ever to find this and read it I would have to commit ritual paper cut suicide, and we know where that leads.

ADORING MASSES: *sob in the streets, create monuments, some die of grief*
LINDSAY: *is dead.*

But yesterday we hosted a quizbowl tournament, which you are probably tired of hearing about, but it pretty much guarantees peals of laughter for me, and therefore is something I talk about.

But you see, this is where the title of this chronicle comes in! I was scorekeeping for Tim (mainly because I knew that he wouldn't make me read, and that made me simply giddy from happiness) and there was a team that was there for the first three rounds. They were all guys, and were very funny, which as all know is a direct ticket to my heart... And there was the fact that they treated me with the flirtatious adoration that is my due. Later I ended up as their scorekeeper again, (purely coincidence) and then decided I wanted to see if they would win. Now, perhaps they were flirting because I was, ahem, a female, and they are on quizbowl, and thus sort of unacquainted with this category of human, but they were sweet and funny, (and soooo much more attractive then most quizbowl males) and I needed an ego boost, what with being ignored by certain mule-headed males that better recognize. ("Recognize" is to be said as in ebonics.)

This of course (of course, what do you expect from me and my friends) lead to the decision that I should have a cult in my honor, and in the word of my dear intrepid teenage sidekick, Erin, I "finally have some people who recognize me as the hot goddess of their world."

I love Erin so much for that.

Other hijinks ensued, such as Chiego yelling at Okon for not working, and then promptly checking the quizbowl wiki right after Okon left (Oh, Chiego...) But all went very smoothly and Jordan spent the night at my dorm, which was just made of coolness. Oh, boys... I wonder if you know what kinds of conversations we have about you when you are not around...

At some point yesterday I realized that my crush sort of curled up and died, like a dog in the street, which makes me glad. Mule-head purchased an express ticket to the friend zone... He might be able to redeem himself, but I kind of doubt it. It's all good, I have the cult and the dancing boys to replace him.

I will try to keep up with this better, I swear. Even if I have to bore you with the details of my nonexistent love-life. Perhaps it is all for the best, seeing as any boyfriend I get better be ready. This crazy is real, baby.

It's all real. ;)

Chronicle Number 12: Incommunicado

2008-12-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, I realize. I disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. I mean, I was home for a week, so really you got an update of me in person, and who could want anything more?

Finals are starting soon, and that means I really will disappear, this time into books. So... What has happened to me in the past week?

Well, upon arriving back at school, getting through my hordes of fans and the paparazzi, I realized that I had a formal lab report (which I referred to as the LAB OF EVIL), questions for the quiz bowl tournament to write, and an essay due, as well as my lab final on Wednesday. I immediately dove into a book and went into the many hysterical stages of work grief.

Anyway, everything got done, even though there were a couple really wishy washy times when I nearly burst into hysterical tears. Now, tears ruin your great leader's beauty, so we just couldn't be having with that. But your heroine got it together and on Thursday night was watching the Boondock Saints in celebration.

Friday was spent helping write questions for the tournament, and going to Megan's concert, which was super fantabulous except for the sopranos, but it's really hard for a soprano to win me over anyway.

We then watched Moulin Rouge, and I went to bed, thinking everything was peachy.

As per usual, I was mistaken. (I am never wrong, but I am often mistaken.)

After about 6 and 1/2 hours of sleep, I walked into room 513 of journalism at 8:00 and was greeted by Tim's crazy eyes.

TIM: We are so screwed. We have nothing done. Well, to be precise, we're missing 4 rounds of literature questions.
LINDSAY: Aw, nuts.
TIM: Okon is furiously writing at his house and sending them to me. I'm getting the first packet together, and by the way, I've slept 8 hours in 6 DAYS.
LINDSAY: I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit afraid of you right now. And for you right now.

We proceed to write questions as the tournament progressed. This mainly meant that while others were reading questions and doing stats, and all that jazz, Jordan and I were sitting in our own little bubble writing on anything Okon needed. This birthed episodes like:

LINDSAY AND JORDAN: *write write write write*
MUNEEB: *wanders in* Hey guys.
LINDSAY (to Jordan): You write on Pearl S. Buck, I'll write on Anaya.
JORDAN (to Lindsay): Okay, got it.
MUNEEB: Hey, whatcha doing?
OKON: LEAVE THEM ALONE.
MUNEEB: What- wait, I-
OKON: They are working JUST DON'T TALK TO THEM.

And:

TJ and OTHERS: *wander in*
LINDSAY AND JORDAN: *write write write write*
OTHERS: YAK YAK YAK!
TIM: Y'all, shut up!
LINDSAY AND JORDAN: *write write write write*
OTHERS: WE SHALL NOW TALK VERY LOUDLY.
TIM: JUST GET OUT. They're working, GET OUT!!!!

I really think that the most comical thing about this is that through both of these lovely situations, I had no idea what was going on. I did not hear any of this, I was too concentrated, someone had to tell me it happened.

Later that night, Corinne and I went to the quiz bowl party. Our first college party, we're so cool. It mainly consisted of the Game of Life and Rock Band.

Hearing Chiego, Tim, Paul, and Cullen sing made it all worth it. I nearly cried a couple times, I was laughing so hard.

Yesterday was mainly me being carried away by a deluge of work, and now I am here with you.

And now I'm leaving on my raft in the river of work again!

Chronicle Number Eleven: Is That Your Sneaky Run?

2008-11-15T09:23:00.001-08:00

This chronicle is named "Is That Your Sneaky Run?" because that is the precise question that Corinne asked not five minutes ago. It went something like this:

CORINNE: Is that your sneaky run?
LINDSAY: Why yes, why yes it is.
CORINNE: It's very good. I nearly couldn't see you.

The reasons we were sneakily running need not be made known to the general public. Just rest safely in the knowledge that it was in the interests of your intrepid teenage hero, and thus, in your own interests.

So, that thing called school. It is going quite well, actually, I think. The last two weeks (pretty much since you heard from me last), have consisted generally of Study!Lindsay and Insane!Lindsay switching off. Last weekend I went to Florida with the Quizbowl, which was super fun/AIGH GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW. The AGMOoHRN time was mainly when I was in the car, and when my dear teammates were seemingly attempting to kill each other.

Well, something that redeemed the weekend, and something that I have found to be extraordinarily amusing- Drunk people!

A couple of the guys (over 21, y'all) apparently have a tradition of getting super drunk the night before quizbowl. (Neither of them driving, y'all) For the sake of privacy, let's call them Bert and Ernie. The night for Bert and Ernie consisted of 1) singing in polish, 2) singing in russian 3) fighting about which was better, Poland or Germany.

Hilarity ensued, especially when Bert would tap Ernie lightly on the shoulders, and Ernie would fall over. Or when Ernie would try to walk over to Bert, and then fall over. Or when Ernie would try and convince me that he wasn't drunk- and then fall over.

So that was special. I've decided that while I still shall not get drunk, watching other people do it is okay.

The rest of quizbowl was good. I rode back in the car with Okon, Christine, and Steven, which ensured hilarity.

After that, the week erupted into madness, as it seems my life is wont to do. Had a calculus test on Tuesday (went okay, not sure how I feel about it, but I'm not crying into a bowl of oatmeal, am I?) had lab on Wednesday, and a chem test on Thursday, on which I got a 93! W00t.

I'm leaving now, to attempt to catch up in history, which I had woefully abandoned in an attempt to learn everything else. Much love, everyone, and don't worry-

We will attain Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number Ten: I Desire a Mushroom Farm

2008-11-03T09:58:00.000-08:00

When I am empress, I have decided to also be a mushroom farmer. Apparently, these actually exist. I am filled with joy at the prospect.

You see, in the book I have for my freshman seminar, it has a line that states "the ants carry the leaves to fungi, which they farm like we farm mushrooms." My first response?

LINDSAY: It shall be MINE!

So this is my new goal in life. Perhaps it will last a day or two.

The friends visited from Atlanta, which was a prospect that filled me with joy and horror. Joy, because I love my friends and miss them, and horror, because I wanted them to like UGA, so I wanted to think of cool things to entertain them with...

All which consisted of horrible failure after horrible failure.

FAILED ATTEMPT NUMBER ONE

MEGAN: Let us tralala to the corn maze!
LINDSAY: Corn maze? That sounds like a cool and entertaining thing.
MEGAN: We shall set out at 6:30!

6:30

MEGAN: Um. Well. Some people are not ready.
LINDSAY: I guess we can wait.

7:00

BRIANNA: .... Are they ready yet?
MEGAN: ...No.

7:30

MADDIE: Are they ready yet?
LINDSAY: ...No.

8:00

MADDIE: Are UGA people always this late?
LINDSAY: No! No! I pride myself on my punctuality!
BRIANNA: ...Fo' serious?
LINDSAY: Actually, no. That was a lie.

8:30

MEGAN: They're ready!
LINDSAY: Yes! Let the night of entertainment begin! We shall grab our coats and go.

8:35 IN THE LOBBY

LINDSAY: Um... Corinne? Where is everyone?
CORINNE: They left.
LINDSAY: !!!
CORINNE: They didn't want to wait.
LINDSAY: !!! !!! !!!
MADDIE: ...Epic fail

...Yes, the caravan we had been promised had left. We had been given directions, but when we followed them, they did not lead us to the corn maze. All lies, lies and slander.

FAILED ATTEMPT NUMBER TWO

LINDSAY: We're going to the Rocky Horror Picture show! It should be super fun.
BRIANNA: YAY! XD The evening is not a failure yet!

CINEMA: I am closed.
CORINNE: All lies, lies and slander.
LINDSAY:...Epic fail.

Failed attempt number three consisted of us trying to get stirfry, and the people completely messing it up. It filled me with sadness.

But after the three failed attempts, we pretty much just hung out in the room and talked/did homework/played scrabble. I should of remembered, this is what my friends and I do.

So the weekend turned out to not be such an epic fail. I'm in a bit of a tizzy, because last night Megan scared me half to death.

MEGAN, LOOKING AT CHEMISTRY SYLLABUS: Oh.
LINDSAY: What?
MEGAN: Lab proposal 15 is due this week.
LINDSAY: !!!
MEGAN: Oh. Well, lab is on friday, I'll be fine.
LINDSAY: !!! Don't lie to me, woman!
MEGAN: No, seriously, look. It's right here.
LINDSAY: !!!

So I'm off to write that. Oodles and oodles of fun.

Chronicle Number Nine: Am Getting Really Tired of Writing "Chronicle Number ___"

2008-10-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

But I shall continue, dear subjects of Lindsaytopia, for you.

Feeling a bit strange, seeing as there is nothing really for me to write about. I mean, I'm in one of the lulls from horror and pain, and horror and pain are always the best subjects to write about.

I do have slight signs of horror to come, as the calculus test is in two weeks.

LINDSAY: Calculus test? What calculus test? Tests are a fallacy.
CORINNE: No, actually they really do-
LINDSAY: Shhhhhh! *glares* If we don't think about it, it doesn't exist!

Just kidding, Mom! Heh heh heh.... *shifty eyes*

I have decided to go to the quiz bowl tournament in Florida. Therefore, Corinne and Erin are attempting to teach me how sane people act.

LINDSAY: The last cookie?! MWAHAHAHAHA!
CORINNE: Lindsay? Laughing maniacally is not something sane people do.
LINDSAY: Dually noted. I shall fool them, fool them all! BWHAHAHAHA!
CORINNE: ...no.

STANDING IN THE STIRFRY LINE:
LINDSAY: Where in the world is Willis?
CORINNE: There is no one to give us extra steak. Sadness.
LINDSAY: Mother... I'm hungry. And my nose is froze.
CORINNE: And my ears is froze.
LINDSAY: *as Corinne is distracted, attacks*
CORINNE: Lindsay, sane people do not attempt to eat other people.
LINDSAY, MOUTH FULL OF SLEEVE: ...no?

Megan has been notoriously absent from my life, seeing as she had a huge test this morning, millions of extra curriculars, and of course... Graham.

But that's okay, she always comes back.

When she was here last night, she was studying for her huge animal science test with a friend.

This leads to episodes like this: (I couldn't make this up.)

MEGAN: Why must you be careful with a gerbil's tail?
LINDSAY: I think I could have gone my whole life without hearing that question.
FRIEND: Because it might fall off!
LINDSAY: ...

And this:

MEGAN: What is another name for a fizzy mouse?
LINDSAY: ...Carbonated rodent?

I haven't seen her since she left this morning, so I don't know how she did, but it's Megan. I'm sure she aced it.

There it is, a small bit of Lindsay insanity for you! And don't worry, we will still attain Lindsaytopia!

And gosh, Bri Bri, of course you can have a country. What do you take me for?

Chronicle Number Eight: I Plan to Live in Sunny California with Dancing Boys

2008-10-20T20:49:00.000-07:00

When I conquer the world, I shall live in sunny California with Corinne and our dancing boys. I will be a fair and just ruler, no need to fear. There will be no time for pesky wars, because time will be dedicated to desserts, some smatterings of work, and paying attention to Me.

Of course, no desserts for the dancing boys, sorry, you must remain fit.

We will be benevolent, bestowing our riches on those who need it and those who please us. Willis and Coffee Lady will get a large chunk. Willis makes us our stirfry and remembers our names, and Coffee Lady remembers our names and makes us coffee! She also gives us extra whipped cream. For this, they will each get one million dollars!

Those that displease us? Well, to Greenland with ye! You may have the snow and ice.

I think I shall make my mother ruler of Florida. Mary Evelyn can have a country/state as well.

It will be a Lindsaytopia.

But that is in the far future. Like, a whole three and a half years. (I think I should conquer the world after college). But what is going on now?

I regret to inform you, your fearless leader was driven slightly insane with work. There was a history midterm, a lab proposal due, and a chemistry test, all in the same week! Sometimes I wonder if teachers get together in secret teacher meetings and plan when the deluge of work will come.

SECRET TEACHER MEETING:

DR. ATWOOD: How about the 6th through the 10th? That seems good for me.
DR. CARTER: Hmmm... No can do, it's my wife's birthday. I need to be totally focused, in case I forget.
DR. STANTON: How 'bout the next week? That way everyone else will have done their midterms and they'll be feeling secure. We'll get 'em when they least expect it!
DR. ATWOOD: Bwhahaha!

So while your intrepid teenage hero was living under a pile of textbooks and paper, she went a bit bonkers, as is her wont when the going gets tough.

Things happened like this:

LINDSAY: What is this thing you call food? I don't seem to remember having any...
CORINNE: Human beings require it- you put it in your mouth, chew, swallow- any of this ringing any bells in there?
LINDAY: Oh... Is that what that persistent ringing in my head is?
CORINNE: ...No.

And:

LINDSAY: AIGH! *headdesk* WHY?
ERIN: What now, Lindsay? *Says "Lindsay" as most would say "insane babbling personage"*
LINDSAY: I know what you think of me! I can hear your pernicious thoughts!
ERIN: ...No.

And:

LINDSAY: If I could only-
CORINNE: No.
LINDSAY: But it would make everything so much-
ERIN: NO.
LINDSAY: Just a few-
CORINNE AND ERIN: Ritual suicide by paper cut is not an option.

But the week was soon over, I feel pretty good about everything, and made a 96.67 on the chem test!

The weekend was spent doing absolutely nothing of any value. I promise to come back sooner! We will attain Lindsaytopia!

Chronicle Number Seven: If Only My Life Was a Musical

2008-09-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

If only my life was a musical. Things would be better, then.

I am thinking of this (though truly I've thought this since I knew what a musical was) because I watched Rent on Saturday night. While UGA was being firmly beaten into a crying pulp, I was singing happy songs.

I don't know if everyone has seen Rent, but oh well. You are just going to have to bear with me.

Rent is an awesome movie. Probably one of my favorites, but the end is... Face it, incredibly cheesy.

MIMI, EXPIRING OF AIDS: *Cough* I die!
ROGER, EXPIRING OF AIDS: *sings* Your eyes are pretty. I love you.
MIMI, IN MIRACULOUS RECOVERY: *cough* Gee willikers, I feel better.

Now, as I grow up, I've decided this: Pathetically cheesy is okay! If my life were a musical, everything would be pathetically, cheesily perfect.

As in the calculus test.

REAL LIFE:

LINDSAY: This test... It makes the AP Calculus test look like a meadow. Full of pretty flowers. Where I'm dancing. With Patrick Demsey.
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR: Squeeeaaaak!
LINDSAY: *Pounds head against desk* I HATE LIFE.
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR: Squeeeeaaaak! Squeeaaak squeeeaaak squeeeeeaaaaaaaaak!
LINDSAY: *cries* WHY?!?? *poundpoundpound*
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR/EVIL INCARNATE: SQUEEAAAAK!
LINDSAY: Your DEATH is IMMINENT.
DR. GRAHAM'S CHAIR: Squeak?

LIFE IN A MUSICAL:

LINDSAY: My dear Dr. Graham,
There's something wrong with my test!
In my AP Calculus class,
I always was the best!
I don't know what to do.
I fear that I may die.
DR. GRAHAM: Do not worry, I will curve it,
There is no need to criiiiie!
Here, the Calc class all promptly stand up and begin dancing in unison.
Dr. GRAHAM: For I am Mathematics Man
And I will do all that I can!
To fight the good fight,
With integral power!
To do all that I might
To make their scores tower!
There will be a low grade ban,
'Cause I am MATHEMATICS MAN!

Sometimes my brain scares me...

Maybe my life would not be a particularly well written musical... But it would still be wonderful! And full of singing! (Granted, some people I know would just have to be dancers. You know who you are.)

But seriously, ppl... (that ppl thing is a joke. I don't actually do that. Although now that I've pointed it out it's not funny.) Anywho, what do you want to hear about?! I'm begging, here. I'm running out of material here. (Um, Exhibit A: Mathematics Man.)

And now, in parting, a line from another musical!

Adieu, Adieu, to you and you and you!

Chronicle Number Six: Back by Popular Demand, AKA Mark

2008-09-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

*is sheepish*

I know, I know. I haven't been here in awhile.

In my defense, I have a sort of excuse... I don't think it's a good one, but when has that ever stopped me before?

If I were to actually write a blog before last thursday, it would not have been a blog at all. It would have consisted of:

"AIGH!!!*headdesk*"

I didn't think that would satisfy your rabid interest in my life.

But all the same, what can you do without me? I'll tell you what you do. You wither. You wither into mere husks of yourselves. And what am I to do with friend-husks? Shall I make friend-husk dolls? I think I would have to combine you, and that would be no fun. Mark, I saw you this weekend, and I could just see you wasting away.

So, what is going on in my life, you ask? What has been occupying my hallowed brain?

Weeeeell, the reason I was insane for about a week was...

Chemistry.

Now, chemistry is actually very easy. For now, its all review, and that is pretty easy. However, my teacher likes putting the fear of Atwood in his poor defenseless students.

LINDSAY: Hmm. This problem is pretty easy. I like it.
ATWOOD: The problems on the test are nothing like this. They are TEN times harder. No, A THOUSAND times harder. No, a MILLIEON* TIMES HARDER!!! BWHAHAHAHA!
LINDSAY: *cries*

*To be read in funny evil sorcerer voice

This was a dark time in my life. It was full of me systematically beating my head into a wall. Mother, please understand that I am being metaphorical here. Did you see any bruises?

But I took my test, and made good grades, and had a good french class (I know, I know, GASP!SHOCK!AW!) So things have been better.

I also got to go to six flags! That was equal parts WHEE! and AIGH!

But I'm sleepy.

So I'm going to bed. (I don't think this was actually very funny. But I'm tired. So Pbbbt.)

Chronicle Number Five: Tailgating, Football, Headaches, O My!

2008-09-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

Carlye (My RA), Megan (My intrepid teenage roommate) and Me! Tailgating!

Greetings from far Athens! I have come to spread the sweet rain of my presence onto your drought-ridden minds!

How has it been without me? Sad, yes? I really pity you. I get to be with me all the time.

The week has been pretty good! I feel like I'm really getting used to this college thing. Plus, it helped have gone home last weekend. Saw the friends, saw the family, was pounced upon by the church. Ooh, church pouncing. So painful. All that brick and mortar.

Anywho, the week was fun. It was short, 'cause of labor day. Therefore, Lindsay has decided to make a decree. From now on, no school on Mondays. No work either! Every Monday shall be a labor Monday!

LINDSAY: This is a good idea. All should obey me.
THE GOVERNMENT: Um. No.
LINDSAY: Pbbbt.

So maybe it won't actually happen. But it should.

What interesting things happened to me this week? (I know, I know, "Lindsay, everything that happens to you is interesting!" I keep telling you, I can't tell you everything! This blog would be too long.)

Class has been okay. Kind of boring, but oh well. French remains slightly terrifying.

FRENCH PROFESSOR: Ah ahm old. Ahnd kind av creepeh.

But I guess the most exciting thing (to you, maybe) is I went to the football game!

LINDSAY: W00t! *waves pom pom*

Actually, I did not have a pom pom, although I wanted one. Woe is me. No pom poms for Lindsay. No one loves her enough to get her one. (coughMegancough)

MEGAN: How was I supposed to get you a pom pom?
LINDSAY: I don't know. Be creative.

Well, the game was sort of fun. When they were actually doing stuff. And when I could understand the stuff that they were doing. And when I wasn't dying of heat exposure... There was a lot of

EVERYONE AROUND LINDSAY: W00T! OMG! YAAAAY!
LINDSAY: Yay! YAY! Wait... what happened?
MEGAN: We moved the ball 20 yards.
LINDSAY: YAY!
EVERYONE: ... We have already stopped cheering.

And some of

EVERYONE BUT LINDSAY: Aww.
LINDSAY: ???
MEGAN: (who is an expert by now, all hail Megan) We thought we made touch down, but it touched the ground at the one yard line.
LINDSAY: Awww.
EVERYONE BUT LINDSAY: We have stopped. Does she have some type of disease?

And more of

LINDSAY: Megan! Maddie said they had fireworks at her school! Every time they made a touchdown. Where are the fireworks???!
MEGAN: There are no fireworks.
LINDSAY: No fireworks? That is heinous.

We left at half-time, after the pretty band did pretty things. Megan had a dancing thing and I had a headache. So after we had dinner I went and lay down in my room... An end to the fun.

But I am going to take away the positives of this experience! YAY to watching guys jump on each other! YAY to watching a guy leap nimbly around another player like a bouncing gazelle! YAY.

And plus, any anger I had against UGA for the fireworks debacle was soothed today by the chocolate fountain. After all, what great wound cannot be cured by chocolate?

Chronicle Number Four: Remember the Steak Day

2008-08-28T15:38:00.001-07:00

Hello from University of Georgia! Have you missed me? It's been nearly a week since you heard from me last. I honestly don't know how you do it. If it makes you feel better, I don't know what I would do without you, my ravening horde of fans. (If "ravening horde" is defined as approximately 10 people, tops.)

Well, here I am, and I think I'm starting to get into the rhythm of things. I've found friends that will deal with my mood swings (Although I miss my at home friends terribly) so that's good. I like the people on my hall. Myers is pretty awesome, and there is no partying here that I know of (YAY!) so no random annoying drunk people! I know, I know, they are a part of college life, and I haven't been here on a game weekend, but still.

By the way, game day is Saturday! We're playing Georgia Southern.

LINDSAY: Go. Fight. Win. W00t.

Okay, so I'm not that excited. Oh well. I do have tickets, though. I got a split season, so I think I'll go to at least one game, and then sell the other tickets for mucho deneros!!!

SLYTHERIN!LINDSAY: MWAHAHA! I take bribes. Food or money is acceptable.

OMG YOUS GUYS. So, get this. Before game day, they have a food festival!!! Okay, maybe not a festival, per say, but there's steak! And asparagus! And cake! And boiled peanuts!!!

I'm going to be so fat. I'm lucky this only happens before games. (I think.)

Speaking of food... A horrible thing happened today. Your queen was beset with a flipping tray.

And showered with coca cola.

AND ALL HER BEAUTIFUL FOOD WAS ON THE FLOOOOOOOR.

*sob*

It was a horrible tragedy! I call for a memorial day on which we remember and mourn for this sad event!

Thankfully, the intrepid teenage sidekick Megan stepped in and stopped your intrepid teenage hero from fainting from the horror. So I got to go get more food. The crisis was averted. (But it was still a tragedy! Perfectly wonderful steak! On the carpet! A travesty, a travesty, I tell you.)

Ahem. Perhaps I should stop talking about food. Classes are pretty snazzy, a different crisis was averted when I finally got to order my french book. I'm keeping up with my reading... There was a horrible calculus quiz.

DR. GRAHAM CALC TEACHER EXTRAORDINAIRE: Do this. By the way, it's sort of like your homework , but completely different!
LINDSAY: Gaak!
REST OF CLASS: Gaak!
LINDSAY: *makes something up.*

Oh well. It's a tiny droplet in the lake that is our grade, and I'm pretty sure no one else had any idea either, so I'm not going to worry about it.

Oh, yes. I also nearly died. Please don't freak out. I know it's hard, thinking of loosing your fearless leader, but I was nearly mowed down by a mo-ped. It would have been a horrible undignified death. Thankfully, my wonderful friend Corinne reached out and snatched my back from the jaws of death.

LINDSAY: I saw my life FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.
CORINNE: Hee.
LINDSAY: And it was TOO SHORT.
CORINNE: You're okay now.

I promptly asked Corinne to move to California and marry me. :D Because that is so obviously the best reaction to a near death experience. So she will now be referred to as "my intrepid teenage fiancee."

But this was probably a good thing. Honestly. (Seeing the silver lining here.) I am now being EXTREMELY careful.

Nothing else of note has really been going on. (I know, I know, my every breath is of note, but that would make a very long blog entry.) I gave blood yesterday! Do you think my blood can convey awesomeness upon another? I think so. Lucky person.

Anyway, too de loo! Comment comment comment!!!

Chronicle Number Three: The Rumbly Rumbly Rain

2008-08-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

Or non-rain.

For three days now, there have been great huge threatening thunder clouds hovering over the entire UGA campus. Every time I leave my dorm, I expect the heavens to dump a deluge of water upon me. Does it? No.

You might say, "Lindsay, this is a good thing." But you see, it hasn't been raining At All. This is extremely annoying.

CLOUDS: *hover ominously*
THUNDER: *rumble rumble*
RAIN: Um, no. I don't think I'll fall here. So plebeian.

The rain in my brain is quite arrogant.

I guess I should give some details about what's going on with me. The rain is not actually the most important event in my life right now. I've been at college a week now! Actually, a week and two days! "How has it been so far?" You ask. I know that you are all simply desperate for details of my life.

Classes have been alright so far. I finished my chemistry homework this morning, which had me feeling very accomplished. True, I mostly did it because Megan was doing her's and I felt like I should be a good student as well.

I'm feeling a bit scattered. Not saying that I'm ever really put together. I'm usually wandering around picking up pieces of me. I haven't really gotten a rhythm to this college song yet.

Today I had my lifeguarding skills test. It was a bit disconcerting, seeing that the guy who was testing me didn't seem to have any kind of idea what he was doing... And he was a manager.

MANAGER: Um, so now we're going to test this. Do it like this.
LINDSAY: Actually, I learned that we should do it this way.
MANAGER: Um. Okay.

My logic was, if he was really confident in what he was doing, he wouldn't be listening to me. (But that would be ill-advised. Not listening to me, that is. *angelic smile*)

Oh, and what was also kind of awful is that I knew I had missed the bus I needed to take, so I power walked down to Ramsey. Which, if you didn't know is A VERY LONG WAY. It was pretty much 20 minutes of

LINDSAY: Come on, Lindsay, you can do it! (Insert number here) more minutes! Go go go!
CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Lay low, the insane girl will pass soon.

I hope that this doesn't continue forever. GAAK! moments should definitely cease. Somehow, knowing myself, I don't think they will.

I think this was enough to supplement you for awhile, (I know my absence is terrible) so I think I'll go now.

Hey- I will warn you now that entries might sharply decrease if I feel I have nothing to say. (Oh, ha ha Mark, I hear that retort. "Aren't you saying absolutely nothing right now?" You know what my answer is? Pbbbbt!) So, if you do want me around ("I don't" is also not an acceptable answer) ask me something! Tell me what you want to hear about. Give me a topic.

I love you all! (Comments make me happy!)

Chronicle Number 2: Do Not Expect This Much Lindsay All the Time.

2008-08-19T16:19:00.001-07:00

No, I am not going to update this everyday. The way I see it, that would be almost as annoying to you as it would be to me. However, this is the second day of classes, and I haven't been here that long, so a lot is happening.

As a college freshman, I am using many new words! No, those of you out there with bad, bad minds, these are not curse words. (Although I have decided to use "Shish-kabob" as a pseudo curse word. Its fun to say. Go on, "Oh, shish-kabob") Sadly, the main new word I've been using is "Gaak!" Yes, the exclamation point is a must. Such as getting on the bus yesterday and passing my turn. GAAK!

Such as taking a wrong turn walking to calculus and ending up behind Sanford Stadium. Now, I do hold that it would have been a short-cut. Except for the small obstacle of the GIANT BUILDING IN THE WAY. You guessed it. GAAK!

Such as my history telling me that the books were relatively cheap, and me going to the bookstore and seeing the actual amount. GAAK!

But despite the presence of frequent "GAAK!"s, most of my classes were okay... if slightly mind-numbing. I'm sure this will not be the case when we really get into new stuff, instead of "hey, let's say our names and talk about the syllabus again."

French was interesting, if at times heart stoppingly terrifying. I got to class just a little late, but didn't walk in alone, which was good. Of course, once we actually started talking, things got double plus ungood.

PROFESSOR DU FRANCAIS: I will start each lesson with a question. *speaking really fast* Que est-ce que tu a fais au weekend? (What did you do this weekend?) *stares straight at our heroine*
HEROINE: GAAK! J'ai joue au "frisbee" avec mes copains... (I played frisbee with my friends)
FRENCH DUDE: Tout le weekend? (All weekend?)
HEROINE: GAAK! Non? ...
FRENCH DUDE: *stare stare stare*

Finally, he stare stare stared at someone else. Which was actually quite funny. I will now begin writing french in italics.

FRENCH DUDE: *staring at other guy* What did you do this weekend?
OTHER GUY: I moved in.
FRENCH DUDE: Did you come by car?
OTHER GUY: Chicago.

Yes, he did actually say "Chicago." Obviously, he had thought the teacher asked him where he was from. Anywho, this launched said teacher off into a loooong story about how anticipating questions was bad, and how he had an aunt who was deaf- well now he was sort of deaf too so students would have to speak up- but she had anticipated questions and she would have a completely different answer than the question called for and by the way some people are selectively deaf, like his grandfather who heard his uncle ask if he was a fool and slapped him upside his head which really hurt the uncle but serves him right for calling his father a fool.

Aren't summaries fun?

After that class, the "turning the wrong way and saying "GAAK!"" episode happened. Calculus was just calculus, I had it yesterday, so I don't think I need to elaborate. Though I think it might be bad that I think my teacher is adorable, in a funny, geeky way. He was telling us about his 5 year old daughter, and how he wished she would stop playing with dolls and start playing with numbers. (He was kidding.) But he paces a lot and writes down whatever comes into his head on the board.

The I ate lunch, then laid about, then went to history, which I will love. I've pretty much decided I'm changing to double major in Microbiology/History.

Then I bought books, (GAAK!) and ate again (a lot of eating at college) then went to a pj party in the Myers lobby. Fun.

So, there is an absurdly detailed summary of my day. Please don't be too annoyed, I promise that this will not happen all the time.

BTW, Snelling Dining Hall chocolate mousse- made of awesomeness.

Starting this, Or Confusing Chronicle Number One

2008-08-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am here! Athens, that is. Actually, I've been roosting here since last Thursday... I know that day lives in your memory, and will forevermore. It was the day that your wonderful Lindsay left you, all alone in the plains of the desolate Augusta. Desolated without Lindsay's face- her beautiful smile, her clear, bell-like voice.

I know it's awful, but you'll get through it. I believe in you.

So, anywho, the point is that I got here last Thursday. The drive was oh so many tons of fun. I was definitely feeling very lonesome, even in the drive here. Sorrowful Lindsay kept fighting with Practical Lindsay.

SORROWFUL LINDSAY: Oh, poor house! How I will miss thee! I shall see you years hence.
PRACTICAL LINDSAY: Dude, you are so coming back labor day weekend.
SORROWFUL LINDSAY: O! Kemp Drive! How I love thee! Let me count the ways! I live on you!
PL: Labor day. You are coming back two weeks from now.
SL: Sadness!
PL: Two weeks!

Practical Lindsay eventually won out. When we got here, we did some shopping. What must every college student have? The answer is simple. A Wal-mart. We spent about 30 minutes getting almost everything on our list and then an HOUR looking for a LIGHTBULB. Oodles of fun.

Then the parental units left, and I did some meeting people, who totally shot down my brownies. You would think that brownies would pack some serious friend-punch (though perhaps that is a poor choice of words) but no, they were shot down, time and time again.

LINDSAY: Want a brownie? And a new best friend?
SORORITY GIRL: Um, like, no. *queer "are you trying to make me fatter than you" look*

LINDSAY: Brownie? Anybody want a delicious homemade brownie?
RANDOM MALE VERTEBRATE: No. Though I think it's nice that you're in love with me.
LINDSAY: ...what?

Finally I went to game night and put the brownies on the table. Where people ate them who did not know that they were from me. Ultimate failure. And no, for those who haven't lived inside my head, some of the above did not actually happen. It was mostly what I was imagining these people thinking.

Most of the next few days was made up of making new friends (which actually worked out pretty well) hanging out with them, and eating.

A lot.

Because without the class, I've found that there is really nothing to do during the day at college accept go to a dining hall and drink smoothies. But as classes are starting, I think that there will actually be no time to hang around and drink smoothies, no matter how fabulous said smoothies are.

So. Classes. Pretty important, right? They started today. For me, at 8 AM! Yay! Contrary to unpopular belief, 8AM classes are so not fun. I got totally lost looking for class #1, attempting to find a room that didn't exist, and thus walked into my first class 10 min. late. But they understood. I am, after all, an ickle freshie.

I also went to Integral Calculus and Chemistry today, nearly lost my wallet, took at 30 min hike, bought my books and nearly cried (OMG BOOKS COST A LOT), and went to a choir thing that I'm not sure I'll do. Oh, and got on the right bus but missed my stop and rode around campus. Around and around and around.

There you are, your healthy dose of Lindsay! Hopefully it will tide you over until you can bask in the warm glow of my presence again.

BTW, my roomie is super cool. She is very much like me...

Toodeloo!